1) I had about 200 unread comments in my DW inbox that I cleared this afternoon, replying to some, leaving more alone but I promise I appreciate them all.

It has been a hard few weeks, accumulating all of these things you all are being so nice to me about.

2) I did three loads of laundry today, when usually I keep on top of it sufficiently that I never have more than a load to do at a time. I've needed all my smart clothes and all my gym clothes lately it feels like. They add up.

Feels good to be starting the week without such backlogs.

3) I managed to order groceries online yesterday, almost no delivery slots today but D obliged by driving us to collect it. I'm glad not to have a empty fridge looming in the back of my mind as Another Thing that Needs to Be Sorted Out.

A day of re-setting cyclical systems, so that they can descend in to chaos all over again.

Oh no my paid account has expired! I will need to renew it tomorrow.

Not only do I love Dreamwidth and evangelize for it every chance I get (with the slow death of twitter and the various disappointments of its supposed replacements, I think some people are realizing that the constraints of microblogging mostly kinda suck now that we're so far past the point where we had to pay for each txt msg), but I use the ability to search my own journal all. the. time.

I don't know if there are other paid features I use, I can't remember what they all are, but that one alone makes it worth it. Most of my life is here, if only I knew how to find it.

My new counselor, at the end of our first session: "Thank you for everything you've shared today, I know it's not easy to talk about these things with a stranger."

Me: "Oh I'm a blogger since way back, I love talking about myself to strangers."

Her: "Ah, so this is a sort of verbal LiveJournal."

I laughed and told her LiveJournal had such a big effect on me it's why I live in this country, she seemed intrigued but we were out of time so I guess that's the cliffhanger for next week!

Just having someone who's heard of and will namecheck LiveJournal makes me feel good about this already.

A friend of mine is an academic, and they're currently working on a project that they asked for interview subjects for that I jumped at. It's about what they're calling "pre-hashtag" social media, which fir me is just LiveJournal. And I know them from LiveJournal (technically, as they reminded me during the interview, we first met in person which was unusual for them at the time, but it was because I knew their then-girlfriend from LiveJournal). Their username will be in old comments if not entries that I have imported to this here Dreamwidth!

I think the last time I spoke to them in person was when they very sweetly called, from halfway across the country, after my brother died -- so, eighteen years ago. We've kept up with each other a little on Facebook (it's where I saw them make this request for interviews) but I jumped at the chance of the interview not just because their idea seems cool and I wanted to help a friend, but also just to give us a chance to chat again.

It was so fun. We talked for an hour and a half -- and I could have happily gone on much longer, but I was already late for dinner! Their interest is in how this "old social media" shaped or changed people's relationships to feminism, queerness, anti-racism and anti-colonialism. Since we're pretty much the same age and from the Midwest, it was great to talk about these things with someone who understands so much about me that I often struggle to express to most of the people I'm currently trying to express things to.

I fear for having to sign off on a transcript (and I guess I could access the audio or video of our interview, eep!) of all my babbling, but one thing I said that has stuck with me was right at the end, when I said the biggest difference I saw between "old internet" LJ and more modern social media is that on LJ people were always saying they wanted to write more, read more, comment more, or apologizing when they hadn't. Modern social media is understood to be something that's bad for us, that we want to spend less time on, that we need breaks or even "detoxes" from. I hope we can get more internet socializing that we want to run towards, and less that we want to run away from.

  1. How did you find Dreamwidth? What attracted you to this platform? Why did you start blogging?

    I don't remember which particular LiveJournal outrage drove me over here, but I'd been blogging there for nine years before I started this account. I was attracted to this platform for having the features I liked from LJ: music/moods, icons, communities, threaded comments, and of course most of all the social aspect: making it so easy to follow people and get to know them.

  2. How long have you been blogging on Dreamwidth? What has changed here, or in your life, over that timespan?

    Created on 2011-03-30 21:30:55, my account says. So much has changed. I was living in the terrible flat then. I don't think I was working. Didn't even have Gary yet!

  3. What are your favorite things about Dreamwidth? What do you dislike about it? What do you wish it had, or had more of?

    I love the possibility of longform. I like how thoughtful it can make people, and all the other stuff it makes easy -- you can quote a whole song/poem easily, or qoute things at length and comment on them, practically every Twitter thread should be a blog post.

    I like cut tags. So here's one! There's 15 more questions. )

The real joy of having a paid DW account is being able to find exactly why I still sing "what's that coming over the hill? is it a bus stop? is it a bus stop?!"

It's a thing I just did when I heard the song again now, so I went to go look it up.

A thing I've apparently been doing for seventeen years now!

Aw that post is so old it's from the days when even a piece of fluff like that would get 24 comments.

Days like this I feel like writing a blog post every day is a terrible idea, heh.

Nothing happened and I'm too tired to read/think about anything worth saying.

What should I write?

I got an email this evening saying [personal profile] diffrentcolours has gifted me a year of paid account time here! Aww.

Among many other things, this means I can make polls again.

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 33


Isn't he the best boyfriend?

View Answers

Yes
26 (78.8%)

Absolutely
22 (66.7%)

You're biased but that doesn't mean you're wrong!
29 (87.9%)

A "tell me how our friendship started" meme going around Facebook has brought to my attention that two of my most long-standing and important relationships have started based on someone noticing and commenting approvingly on someone else's LiveJournal icons.

I mean, I didn't technically learn it, I did know it in that I could've told you how I first got talking to either of them. But I never realized it was the same for both of them, different as they are in almost every way except how long I've known them and how much they mean to me. To have all that hang on such a slender thread as this!

[364/366]

Dec. 29th, 2020 09:41 pm
Trying to decide if I should keep up this blogging-every-day project next year. Well I've missed a few days these last few months, but I haven't been as bothered by it as I thought I'd be.

It's been pretty easy to do for the most part, even when I was afraid that with lockdown basically not ending for me since March I wouldn't have a lot to talk about. I certainly miss the things I used to casually talk about, exotic things like buses, seeing my friends, the library, hugs...but it's been good to record this weird year too. I can't say it's stopped the days all blurring together because they definitely have, but it's helped.
Here's a fun game I got from [personal profile] jesse_the_k

  1. Comment on this entry saying Rhubarb!, and I'll pick three things from your profile interests or tags.
  2. Write about the words/phrases I picked in your journal and link back here. Spread the love
The three I got were
  • linux
  • narrativium
  • extelligence
This shows that I haven't looked much at or changed my list of interests in quite some time, probably a decade or so? The three I've been asked to talk about are all things I was keen on in my twenties.

Linux will probably have been on this list since I first started having a LiveJournal back in 2002. That was around the time I started using it, my boyfriend having made it sound so appealing. It was Slackware in those days, mostly maintained by him too but I did learn a lot (including how many problems could be fixed by googling error messages and copying stuff I didn't always understand into the terminal.

I went to precisely one local LUG (Linux user group) meeting in college, where I met someone from a nearby town who was amazed to find a girl who used Linux. I still tend to get along pretty well with Linux people (technically currybeer is part of manlug, Manchester's Linux users group) but I am not really one. Partly I drifted away from knowing even as much as I did (which was never a ton) when Linux got a little easier to use (I switched to Ubuntu pretty early on) and when I started living with Andrew who finds this all a lot easier than I do so it seems most efficient to outsource that.

I'm back to using Linux again after years of Windows for uni, and it's nice to see the inbuilt accessibility options like magnification and screenreading have improved a lot since the last time I bothered to look, some years ago.

I wouldn't put Linux on a list of things I'm interested in today, to some extent because it gives an inaccurate impression of what I actually know or talk about, but partly because it also attracts "fossbros" -- FOSS as in an acronym for free and open-source software, a thing not limited to Linux but overlapping with it, and bro as in the most pejorative sense of the word. To the point where several people I know in Mastodon see someone mentioning Linux in their profile as a reason not to accept a follow request or engage in conversation with someone. Fossbro culture thinks all problems can be solved with their preferred software and doesn't value things it doesn't know as much about, such as any kind of social or cultural problem which it will inevitably overlook by failing to appreciate that there are aspects of life that are not best understood by a white, male, abled, cishet subgroup.

Narrativium and extelligence both reference the Science of Discworld series of books, which I loved so much when I first read them.

Narrativium was such an important idea to me that the first time we dated (and occasionally even afterward) Stuart would call me "narrativium girl." They articulated a power of storytelling that has enchanted me ever since. Narrativium is the element that permeates everything else and makes stories work.
Dragons breathe fire not because they have asbestos lungs, but because that is what dragons do. Heroes only win when outnumbered, and things which have a one-in-a-million chance of succeeding often do so.
People will often believe a good story rather than anything else, which I thought was exciting and endearing in my twenties and am finding increasingly infuriating and terrifying in my thirties.

Extelligence is, as you might guess, contrasted with intelligence. The writers of these books, Ian Stewart and Jack Cohen, say that if intelligence is the knowledge and cognitive processes in an individual's brain, extelligence is the information available to a culture that can be readily accessed on external media, be that folk songs or nursery rhymes or books or video games or whatever.
One of Cohen and Stewart's contributions is the way they relate the individual to the sum of human knowledge. From the mathematics of complexity and game theory, they use the idea of phase space and talk about extelligence space. There is a total phase space (intelligence space) for the human race, which consists of everything that can be known and represented. Within this there is a smaller set of what is known at any given time. Cohen and Stewart propose the idea that each individual can access the parts of the extelligence space with which their intelligence is complicit.

In other words, there has to be, at some level, an appreciation of what is out there and what it means. Much of this ‘appreciation’ falls into the category of tacit knowledge and social and cultural learning. As an example, a dictionary may contain definitions of many words. But only those definitions that can be understood by the reader.
I liked this idea of connecting people to the collective potential of what their society could offer them, and what they could offer it. I included "intelligence" on my interests list, for basically snobby reasons (I was a horrible snob in my twenties...and before...and no doubt since, though I'm trying to be better about that), so I wanted "extelligence" to be there too.
There is an icon-explaining meme going around and [personal profile] rmc28 asked me about three of my icons.


This is (apparently not there any more!) from an article about how people don't know what a typeset lowercase "g" in a serif-type font looks like.
Most people don't even know that two forms of the letter -- one usually handwritten, the other typeset -- exist. And if they do, they can't write the typeset one we usually see. They can't even pick the correct version of it out of a lineup.
The four variants in the icon were the "lineup" they asked people to choose from. Put all together like that, they do weird things to my brain in a way that's kinda disconcerting and kinda fun at the same time. I imagine other people need drugs for this, but I'm a cheap date.

I used to use this icon when I talked about language (even though this is about cognition and printing and neither of those are exactly to do with language); I don't use it enough. I should try to do that more.


This is probably the oldest icon I still have. It's from 2006, just after I moved to the UK. I was feeling homesick. I used to say I wanted this as a tattoo or something (possibly with a nearer city in Minnesota and it'd be cute to have my birthdate on it but probably not a good idea to have Personally Identifying information like that inked on your body). I have a lot of affection for this icon because using it in a friend's LJ (I don't even remember which mutual friend now; there were lots back in the day) got someone I didn't previously know to ask me if I was from Minneapolis too. I explained that I'm not, but I'm from Minnesota, and it got us talking, and it's been one of my most enduring and fun friendships.

I use this when I'm talking about Minnesota, of course.


This is one of my New Haircut Selfies, something I started doing back when I had the undercut. This is the one just after I cut it off, early summer last year. It looks like a lot of hair compared to now, but it was sufficiently drastic a change that the hair cut off was long enough to donate.

Two middle-aged ladies who are friends work at the place I get my hair cut, and the one who got to cut it off was absolutely delighted about it. She didn't even believe me at first, she thought I was joking (even though I've learned you have to prepare hairdressers for this and I'd tried to mention at the previous few haircuts that I felt like it'd be time soon!). The other one was on holiday so this one took a picture of me when she'd cut it, to text to her friend. "Ruth's not gonna believe this!" she said. It was the cutest damn thing.

The game is that I'm supposed to ask commenters about three of their icons, but honestly I don't know if I've got the spoons for it. If you'd like to join in, feel free to say that Ipicked whichever three you want to talk about!
I really liked this article about recording life during the pandemic.

I know I'm preaching to the choir here to some degree, but I also know a lot of us are struggling to do anything much these days and the advice here is focused on making it easy to record our lives.

Examples:
  • Keep your to-do lists, recipes, receipts. Collect photos, texts, calendar invites, memes, tweets, articles, playlists, emails…
  • Bullet points are fine. Don't make this hard on yourself.
  • Nothing is too small or mundane to be recorded.
I've been blogging since I was 20 and I love stumbling across the most "boring" things now and wonder what I was being vague about because I've completely forgotten.
Like a lot of people, I've noticed a couple of dodgy-looking new subscribers to my Dreamwidth in the last few days. A friend suggested people file anti-spam support requests. I did that and just got this reply that I figured was worth sharing:
Hi there!

Thanks for letting us know. It looks like a bundle of older accounts have been taken over by spammers, probably because the owner of the account reused passwords across sites.

We've identified and suspended the accounts that were compromised until their owners can write in to us and get instructions on how to resecure them. In the meantime, this is a great opportunity to remind your friends that they should use a different strong password for every site they have an account on, without reusing them from site to site, and consider using a password manager to generate and keep track of them all.
Advice I'd do well to take myself, to be honest. It's one of those things I "keep meaning to get around to" and don't feel like I'll ever do, so maybe it can be a fun self-isolation project for me.
2 What’s your favorite candy bar?

Reece's peanut butter cups count as a candy bar, right?

--

I'm having one of those days when I don't want to write anything at all. I'm fine, I'm just so busy and tired that I haven't done anything interesting or thought anything interesting to share.

But then, I see something like [personal profile] jesse_the_k sharing one of my entries with a nice little pull quote (that honestly I didn't remember writing and thought was pretty good when I read it!) and everything, and I'm flattered as much as anything to be included with the other entry [personal profile] jesse_the_k links there, which honestly was about as familiar to me as my own because I'd forgotten mine and this one was on an old favorite topic of mine: the harm of using blindness as a metaphor for ignorance or apathy. I've blogged about that l, I've written in Purple Prose about it, it gets a mention in that piece for the trans zine I so proudly finished the other day. And yet in all the times I've written about it and ranted about it, I never thought of a point that this author makes: what would we be meaning when we said something like "you're blind to the red flags," if we understood what blindness was really like?
"you're blind to the red flags" would mean "you may not be able to see the red flags, but you can still intuit their existence. You can still obtain information about their presence using your other senses and other information around you, for example the ways in which the red flags interact tangibly with things you can perceive. You can still understand what a red flag would signify without having to be able to identify that specific denotation of a red flag. You may sense the effects of the red flag using the senses that actually matter in your experience of the world and thus posit their presence just the same as a metaphorically sighted person would by perceiving them through sight."
I can't tell you how good it feels to see myself represented so much better than I can usually expect.

So anyway, it was really nice to be reminded that blogging is good and worthwhile, and it was well timed for today because I really wasn't feeling it.
Another version of looking back on the decade is going around, this time looking at our blogs from that long ago. I've enjoyed reading snippets of other people's blog posts, so here's some of mine from this month in 2009 (with the occasional comment from now in square brackets).

December 2
It’s lovely to have [personal profile] diffrentcolours around to talk about black holes with when other people sitting around our table in the café are loudly discussing vaginas and suchlike.

[I have no idea who we were with (I didn't say any more about it; the rest of the entry is about black holes). But it sounds like a bi thing.]

December 3
There seems to have been some kind of Internet memo I missed (thank god; I have after all been trying to spend less time in front of the computer, especially after realizing how much more time I had that week I deleted all my Google Reader feeds... of course some of them are back now, but a) not as many and b) I’m more cavalier about ignoring some stuff that turns up there).

December 6
Tonight wants to be another night.

Tonight wants, for some reason, to be sleeping upstairs at my grandparents’ house. Not where I sleep now, when I stay there, but where I slept when I was younger, in the other bedroom, the one with the big iron bed that squeaked when you moved, slowly swayed as your brother or your cousin stirred in his or her sleep next to you.

This is where we were carried when sleep finally caught up with us, despite the candy and the new toys we got as presents, on Christmas Eve as the adults stayed up to play cards.

[I get so nostalgic this time of year...]

December 7
Anyway [Alan Bennett] just got asked about his “asking a man crawling across a desert whether he wants Perrier or Malvern water” quote and said “It’s absolutely true. Any sex going you go for it! Didn’t really matter what side it was on. There’s been something of both in my life, but not enough of either. But I think most people would say that.”

[This is back when I still listened to Radio 4! Even Front Row?!]

December 18
Not only did Andrew sing a little song last night that went

I got coffee
I got biscuits
I got Holly
Who could ask for anything more?

December 30
This [Christmas] wasn’t about material things, even though I got to give the presents I bought for my family. It wasn’t about love and togetherness even though I got to see almost everybody I was expecting to. It was about framing. It was about the vast and often-underrated importance of how we structure the narratives we tell ourselves about our lives, what we chose to emphasize or ignore in the inevitable filtering process of creating stories and memories that are strengthened by repetition down familiar brain pathways. Thus my mom apparently thinks I had a depressing, disappointing Christmas. I think I had an adventure....

one of those people was telling me this was the most snow we’d had at Christmas since 1946. This is hardcore history here.

And I’m thrilled to be a part of it. I grew up with people telling stories about things I hadn’t seen or been or done, and now I’m starting to have stories like that of my own, and that means a lot to me. Especially when it means I can continue to feel a part of the community I’ve left behind, fifty weeks of the year, but don’t want to lose touch with any more than I have to.
Somehow it's nearly December? Which means December Days! This is a meme where people can request prompts for someone to write about a particular topic on a day in December. And since I've committed myself to writing something every day, feel free to help me think of things! You can request a certain day in the month for your prompt (I like to suggest my birthday since that's in December and then it's like I get little presents if people can do it) if you want to but you don't have to.
Added a couple people on Dreamwidth based on actually having met them this weekend. That kind of thing doesn't happen enough any more!

(My hand is finally better this afternoon, thanks for all the nice comments.)
Today's DW meme is to look at what we were writing ten years ago. When a "post a picture of yourself from ten years ago and then one now" meme went around Facebook recently, I wasn't able to participate because I don't really have many or any pictures of myself, especially from that long ago (my FB account only goes back to 2014 I think).

But I've been blogging here (or, well, LJ but it's here now) for much longer than ten years so I was delighted to be able to go and look.

I didn't write anything exactly ten years ago; the closest was laughing at a politician who wanted "affection and sexual favors" to be a reason not to extend marriage rights to same-sex couples. Ah, back when I could laugh at irate politicians and their relative powerlessness...

The prospect of same-sex marriage got some good phrases out of those bigots. Merciless prism of equality, too.

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