Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness

This afternoon, diffrentcolours and I were watching a documentary about chemistry with Jim Al-Khalili. (D has done sterling work getting the TV to be able to talk to his file server, so it's way easier to watch random things he has downloaded for us...like this BBC documentary about the history of chemistry.)

Suddenly, out of nowhere, D said of Dr. Al-Khalili, "He has a good scientist head."

"He really does!" I replied immediately.

Then I paused.

Then I said "Wait, I don't know what that means, and I don't know why I was so convinced of it."

Maybe it's the baldness?

Bald/shaved heads are so good. This came up at transgym this morning too: I was complaining about how much sweat my hair has absorbed because it's too long now --the last haircut I had was on my birthday! 3-4 weeks is plenty for my hair to need cutting again; the one problem with really short hair is it doesn't stay that way for long. And my barber has suddenly turned into a laundromat -- seriously, it only took a month for it to be open as a completely different kind of business! -- so I need to try a new one and I haven't had time and ugh...maybe tomorrow.

Anyway, as I was complaining, I was overhead by F, a guy with a shaved head, who said "enjoy it while it lasts!" Apparently he's still in his 20s, bless him. But it got me and our friend A talking about how much we like bald guys as an aesthetic, and then D told us about the subreddit for bald people, where guys share photos of them with thinning/receding hair, all sad about it, and then photos of them bald, happy, no longer giving a fuck. I think it's that "the way to win the game of conventional attractiveness is not to play" transformation that makes this seem sexy to me.

(Not that baldness can't be conventionally attractive, but a lot of balding guys seem to think that. Even if they're just having to get used to the change or confronting their mortality or whatever they do, I don't know. But it seems to do them some good to have to come to terms about it, if not embrace it.)

(Plus obviously bald heads are sexy because a nice close shave is fun to touch, and in the right circumstances I think the stubble can feel good too...)

I need a desk fan for the room I work in. V is kind enough to use their skills in online shopping for me, and ordered one the other day to arrive today.

So this afternoon they said "Oh, Erik, I think your fan is on the way," and I presume they got a text about it or whatever.

But a visiting friend heard this, no context, and said she thought they meant, like, an admirer of mine.

It'd be so funny if someone came around just because they liked me.

Meanwhile, I'm so unbelievably tempted to write "A fan of Erik" on the fan. It's in a room full of sharpies. I could so easily do this.

"You're always so smiley!" the trainer said as they were about to take the barbell from me again when I finished my chest presses.

I am not always so smiley. But this was a thing they often said when I started coming to circuits. It's true I do love circuits in general, but it has been a bit of a slog lately after having a month off, body weirdness, and just being too busy.

I was smiling now, but it was a new thing for this evening, so I said "I just like chest press."

"You like chest press?" they asked. I couldn't tell if the emphasis meant they weren't sure they heard properly, or disbelief.

"Yeah!" I said. I'd just been admiring the way I can suddenly feel my shoulders move against the floor, their muscles making them slightly discernahle (by feel, not by look) from the mass of my back. So I added, "Probably because I'm good at it," because I know I wouldn't be smiling if she'd been watching me do some other stuff.

"You are good at it," they said in a very matter of fact way, not trying to cheer me on or anything, just very deadpan.

That felt good.

Thursday night D asked me "would you like to go on an all-inclusive holiday to Tunisia?" because an acquaintance of ours was talking about the all-inclusive holiday to Tunisia she was currently on.

(And it turns out no we don't, he looked into it and we're too queer, that's not really the point of this story.)

I said "A break somewhere warm where I can go swimming and not do anything sounded good..." And then after some reflection, "It doesn't even have to be warm, it could be in England, I don't have to go that far away."

I thought about it a little more: what I always imagine as a vacation is woods and hikes and stuff, and then I thought well of course ideally I could bring Gary and V along as well... and this train of thought led me to a realization that made me chuckle: "I think what I actually want is to go back to Center Parcs," I said.

It won't happen any time soon -- apart from any other obstacle, D's time off at work is either messed up or all gone or both, I can't remember -- but I long for some kind of break. I long to be the sort of person who either be benefits from "doing nothing" or knows what I'd like to do on a break, whether it's a vacation or not.

D: "You're having a genuine Manchester experience here."

Me: "What, the sun we enjoyed for five minutes has just gone behind a big gray cloud?"

D: "No! You're listening to Dave Haslam DJ!"

I had no idea who Dave Haslam was of course so I've been educated.

It was a nice event, we'll-timed as an approximate birthday celebration so all three of us made an effort to go out. It was outside, there was nice food and drink, it was so fun to see all the kids and dogs running around and everyone having a great time.

D comes downstairs to make tea while I'm in the kitchen making tea (this is such a sleepy household).

He gives me a hug and a kiss and then says "Not a pillow!"

I am concerned. "What."

He laughs and says "You haven't seen my latest toot have you?"

I flap my arms dramatically. "Well, now I'm even more concerned!" Most of what he says on Mastodon is puns and shitposts so them being about me doesn't seem like a great sign.

He showed me on his phone. Turns out he had a dream about kissing me and woke up snogging a pillow.

I was expecting worse, that is just too funny.

He wasn't even sleeping in my room last night! Glad he missed me. Even if he also missed me in his attempts to snog me and got the pillow instead.

I did end up seeing my friend today for a birthday-esque celebration this afternoon: just tea and snacks and chat, it was lovely. (Nice to salvage the weekend a bit; thank you to nice commenters there and also thanks to haggis who saw that post and invited me out for a fun time with her and the wee girl this morning.)

"You look tired," I said to my friend after a couple of hours. "I'm not trying to get rid of you, but..."

"No I do normally have a nap now," they said. "Around six, for an hour or so."

"We needed a little nap before you got here," diffrentcolours said, in an adorably confessional tone.

I'd had a good doze which helped surprisingly much, admittedly from the low bar of getting only two and a half hours of sleep last night (thanks Gary). It had also been nice to get to be the little spoon, after having to give up the one weekend morning I normally share a bed with D (i.e., the only one where I don't have to get out of bed as soon as I wake up) -- thanks Gary, again!

I'd forgotten all about this conversational exchange until our friend was getting out of the car a few minutes later, adding to the usual "thanks for having me" a callback to this: "I hope everyone enjoys their naps."

I had to laugh. "Happy birthday! Welcome to your 40s!"

Naps are good at any age. But they had just turned 40.

A sweet follow-up to yesterday's entry

A Mastodon friend of mine said: "I love this unreservedly. Amidst so many stories of people seeing life changing spectacular things, yours is the best."

I replied, "Aw, bless you for saying so. I feel like I've just been in a kids' movie where we learned the valuable lesson that, uh, sometimes the aurora turns out to be the boyfriend we already met along the way."

And then they said: "Oh my goodness aurora boyrealis 😭"

This needs to be a thing. An aurora photoshopped to be in toothpaste-flag colors, or something.

Anyway, then my friend went on to sweetly say in their own space:

It’s been a day of wrestling with difficult work things and hobbling pain and family grump, and feeling like ambivalence barely touches the sides of all this, and I came here to find cosmolinguist sharing a story of aurora-chasing that was so splendid, so unlikely, the very definition of optimism, that I have cheered up entirely. I am so here for escapades.