Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness

Every afternoon this week, I reach a point in the afternoon where I stumble away from my work computer and end up in the kitchen, and there on the countertop I see a handful (or more!) of strawberries, which V has harvested and washed.

And I try to only eat half (which was easier today because they ended up telling me they'd already eaten half of what they'd picked, and they'd finished off the blueberries in the fridge along with it; basically that was their lunch), and it's just the thing I need to get through the rest of the day.

Strawberry season is the best season. And I'm so grateful that don't even have to pick them myself!

Since we weren't able to make a Pancake Day gathering yesterday, the host had chocolate which they wanted to get out of their home for Lent so I offered to go over after work today to pick it up.

It was my second lovely walk in the sunshine (I'd had to go to the store at lunchtime to pick up the things either forgotten or unavailable in this week's grocery delivery -- only now do I realize that, being all dairy (sliced cheese, Lurpak butter, and Greek yogurt) they fit the theme of us not doing Lent!); the most direct route to this friend's house involves a long walk through a big park which is delightful on the first day when it was almost 60°F -- I crossed a little bridge and suddenly behind a row of trees there were purple and white flowers everywhere.

The visit was lovely and went on long enough to deplete their spoons and the daylight. The park was too dark to walk home across so I took a long lazy way home by getting a bus in the wrong direction for my house so the route would meet up with another bus going to my house.

It meant I got home at about 7:30, which is late enough for me that I was starving (especially having waited for the second bus near restaurants emitting the delicious smell of fried food!). So it was lovely to walk in to a house that smelled similarly good, with V making fritters out of yesterday's mashed sweet potato leftovers, and with jalapeño poppers and mozzarella sticks warmed up in the oven. We had them with salad and I felt like we ate very well!

It was so nice to visit with a new friend. And it's nice that there's yogurt and butter for our respective breakfasts tomorrow, and cheese for me to have a sandwich at lunchtime.

I don't know why the only thing I want for lunch lately is second-cheapest ramen with added peanut butter and as much spinach as I can wilt in to the hot water while the ramen is softening.

But I'm glad I now have all the ingredients necessary to do that.

After our buffet dinner, I said "...I actually think I might have had slightly too much cheese?"

D narrowed his eyes at me. "Who are you and what have you done with Erik?"

I held up a finger and said "I got him an all-inclusive holiday!"

"All inclusive cheese!" D said, and I agreed! I'd had two small drinks, that's fine, but really it was all the cheese that's the real self-care at this point!

If there's nothing more exciting to have for lunch (leftovers, treats, etc.), I tend to have a fake-chicken slices and cheese sandwich and some crisps/chips.

I do this a lot. I did it today: getting the bread and plate out of the cupboard and the cheese, mayo and "chicken" out of the fridge, assembling the sandwich, cutting it in half, putting the fridge stuff away...

It was a busy day at work so I was eating at my desk. Perhaps this contributed to me getting more than halfway through the sandwich before I realized that I hadn't put the cheese on it.

It was a new package of cheese and I didn't even notice that I put it back in the fridge unopened!

This right here is Seasonal Affective Disorder for me; it's not "I'm a bit sad haha" (though my mental health is in the toilet this time of year too), the real problem is that nothing I can do gives my body the energy to make a sandwich I make all the time, to notice the absence of one of its two ingredients.

To use up some broccoli and spinach in the fridge, I made pasta, with halloumi and a butter sauce.

I went to grind some black pepper into the sauce before I added most of the vegetables and the grinder came apart and scattered many whole peppercorns into the pan.

I fished out what I could and warned the others.

I said I was gonna call this dish Peppercorn Surprise.

D and I ended up making a game of who found the most (he won, 9-4) and V didn't notice any at all!

So I feel like that went about as well as it could have!

D was teasing me on our way to see the Lil Nas X documentary this evening that the attempts to include other people in the outing had failed (P's coming down with something, V had a bad night and it'd mean leaving Gary alone until his bedtime which is unfair on the little doofus) so it was just us two.

"Oh no, the worst," I said, because this is what we always say to each other at the prospect of the other's company.

But it gave him a chance to tell me he'd booked a two-seater sofa as our cinema tickets, "so we can snuggle." And we did!

Afterwards we went to eat and had some Wagamama-fancy cocktails (I really liked my "pad thai sour," rum, passionfruit, lemongrass, lime, and tamarind), nice salads, chili mushrooms, and "Korean vegan corn dogs," which were veggie dogs with crispy noodle crumb where the, uh, corn would be. Drizzled with red sriracha and some kind of yellow turmeric-y sauce, they looked exactly like they would with ketchup and mustard which was amusing.

We had a very nice server but when we asked to pay the bill another member of staff came out and she chatted to us while I was failing to work the card machine (sorry nice dude, you deserved a tip, I just fucked it up!) about Pride and similar. She went back inside and we got ourselves and our stuff ready to go. And then she came back outside with a tote bag for each of us, Pride-related things that Wagamama give out in some kind of event -- she said she has the tote bag for International Women's Day and all sorts. She also said they're normally just for staff! I don't know what compelled her to share them with us like that on such short and mundane acquaintance, but we were both delighted and touched at the gesture.

As we were leaving, I said that between this and Lil Nas X I felt like I'd done enough (Manchester) Pride-related stuff already. And since it was sorta accidentally a date-like activity, that fit too.

"What a nice day it's been," I mused as we held hands and strolled through the sunset towards a pub we'd decided to go to.

"What a nice gay," D said.

We walked through Lincoln Square and he said "Gaybraham Lincoln."

We had our pints under cover, and after we'd been summoned home by reports of a dog who'd been very good but now that it was getting to bedtime he was wound up, we suddenly could hear rain pelting down just as we were having to contemplate going to the bus stop.

As we stood up and prepared ourselves for the deluge, the rain stopped!

We figured this was just another part of our charmed gay evening. "After we've had our pint of gayle [gay ale]," D said, "and...la-gay..."

It was a nice gay.

I ended up in tears at bedtime on Sunday. Something that hasn't happened in a while.

D came to bed soon after, offering cuddles and concern. He asked me what was wrong, I choked out "a lot of things." "Pick one," he said.

So I talked about work. It sucks on a micro (can't do my job because of blockage within the organization) and macro (literally in the news) level at the same time, which is really difficult to deal with. One or the other, you can kinda let tht one go for a bit and focus on the other one. Both at once... and with no end in sight... It's a lot.

I was unenthused about a day off, but he offered to have a day off with me. Which at the time just meant I was being held accountable for actually doing it, heh. But by Tuesday morning, when I couldn't get out of bed and the concept of getting dressed felt unfathomable, it helped a lot to be able to tell myself you'll get a day off this week.

D had told me any of Wednesday, Thursday or Friday would be good for him. I checked my calendar on Monday at work and that evening told him that the one that'd work for me is Thursday.

Tuesday at work, I realized that I'd meant to tell him Wednesday.

As someone said, this is proof enough that I need a break.

He very kindly swapped his day off and I tried to do so as well (it's a little more complicated for me because I can't un-book time off; I can book it myself but only my manager or HR can deny it!). And so we had today off already!

We slept all morning, I turned off my alarm which isn't unusual but I didn't hear any of D's either which is unprecedented. We slept until around 11. It felt great.

Before I even got out of bed, I had some good news which is that I'm finally not listed as a director for a company I don't have anything to do with. It has taken forever but they did accept it with my explanation: "I don't have utilities in my name; other people live here as well. And Erik is the name I am known by but not the name on legal paperwork so I am unsure how to prove it. I'm also unsure why I should be having to prove this when no such proof was needed for someone else to enter me into legal and financial responsibilities without my knowledge or consent."

Also before I got out of bed, I was already learning charming new things about Tim Walz from comments on a friend's Facebook post:

When he was teaching high school he started the first GSA at the school. In 1999. And later said it had to be him. It had to be the straight, married, former soldier, and football coach. He knew it had to be him. There just keep being more things I like about him.

and

I've gotten to know his type of Minnesota democrat through my husband's family and.... yeah, they're a good lot. I'm so excited for people to get to know this kind of politician! & he reminds me, in a few ways, of my deceased father in law, who I wish were here to see this!!

and

I saw someone say, "Tim Walz is the dad we lost to Rush Limbaugh and Fox News." 💔😭

(This has lots more hearts and sobbing-emojis and " I just.... Whew... Full body reaction." / "... I didn't know I was holding that pocket of grief. Thank you." / "Ow. Yeah. I haven't felt actual dad vibes I wanted in a damn-too-long." / "BIG BIG OOF". Left me being grateful that my dad always has been and still is not having any of that Rush Limbaugh/Fox News nonsense.)

While I was waiting to get dressed (gotta let the planned manitizer dry) and putting away a basketful of laundry I'd done yesterday, D had taken the dog for a walk already, and made me coffee! It was waiting for me by the time I got downstairs. As the usual first-one-up, I love being looked after in the mornings particularly; I love the quiet hours to myself but I also love it when someone else makes me coffee/tea.

Gary got his favorite thing, which was a day of all his humans in the same room. More or less. When D and I went out this afternoon to get some topsoil and compost from B&M, rather than getting V to come downstairs to keep the dog company in his current unwillingness/inability to use the stairs himself, I brought Gary up. Something we normally only do at night, so it was a little confusing for him but it meant V could continue painting and drawing where all their stuff is and didn't just have to dogsit. Apparently he was really good, and it was sweet to see him waiting at the top of the stairs (where he can see the front door), looking out for us when we came home.

He got most of the way down the stairs on his own once he realized that D and I had brought back sandwiches for all the humans to have for lunch. That dog is an utter fiend for sandwiches, he absolutely loves them. It's baffling. But we complimented his dedication to doing the stairs by himself.

Taking him upstairs worked just as well later in the day when D and I wanted to lie down; he napped happily in my room and eventually went to go complain to V that his other humans were being boring and not doing anything important like paying attention to the dog.

D suggested I could choose some takeout tonight for my day off. I pointed out it was his day off too, but he said it was because of me and treats for me were good. (I am typing this on a cheap keyboard with LED lights in a rainbow under the keys, something I've coveted and also my work-supplied keyboard is starting to die, and also this was only £10 so he got it for me.) So we had burgers and stuff from a new-to-us place since the one we like seems to have closed or changed ownership. The food was okay but not as good as the old place. I was envious of D's milkshake though; I hadn't thought to look at those on the menu and he got my favorite kind (chocolate mint); I had a taste and was wistful.

It has been such a lovely day.

I know most people would prefer a long weekend but I actually love the way this worked out; two 2-day "workweeks" per week feels so much more manageable. A single day off can't fix any of my problems at work, but it has meant that I feel much more okay about going back to work tomorrow.

It seems miraculous to me that our garden just grows strawberries every June now. Little and all different shapes and so full of flavor. They are the best I eat all year.

I've just had half a dozen, with a little cream and cinnamon, as a bedtime snack.

I am so amused by not just not needing to cook for myself while the others are away but actually having to have leftovers for breakfast one day in order to get them all out of the fridge in a timely fashion.

( food, including meat )