Yesterday Part Two: The Cardboard

Yes, these are the things I wrote on the piece of cardboard that was all I could find to write on in Darren's car when I first decided it'd be funny to write down some of the insane things surrounding me. If you think this is odd, you should know the other two parts of the list were written on a little napkin they put under your drinks and the back of a Target receipt.

Darren: You've turned me on intermittent!

Jenn: It's in case you need a feather for mad love sex.

Darren: It's not techno, it's percussion. ("It" being The Blue Man Group.)

Darren: I like to listen to this song when I'm playing mah-jongg.

Jenn: You have too much clutch!

Darren: Don't touch my stick! That's my ass-warmer.

Darren: Keep your pink turd off my windows!

Darren: Oh, that's nasty!
Holly: What's nasty?
Darren: The pink turd.
Holly: Why's it nasty?
Darren: It's all stringy!

Jenn: I wonder if it would stick to his head.
Darren: My hair!

Darren: Life's too short without a stimulant. Wait a second, did I just say "coffee's too short without a stimulant"?

garbage disposal noses (no, that's not a typo; the reason I wrote it down is that Jenn really said "noses")

Darren thinks Jenn's butt is a kettle. And that Jenn herself is a wedgie wench.

Jenn: I'm going to be splitting you, I am splutting you, I have splat you.
Darren: I'm being splitten! There's some splet on the window.

Darren: You filled your kumquat and then you kept eating!

Fun with sociology

If I were the type that had to come up with "found poetry" for my creative writing class, I might use this thing I read in my sociology textbook this afternoon, and I think I might call it "Causation."

On seeing
a marble roll off a table,
the child attribues casusation (meaning)
to it: The marble rolled off the table
"because it wanted to." Such perceptions
carry into adulthood: The man
walking down the street
who then accidentally walks
smack
into a telephone pole
at first thought
glares at the pole,
as though the pole somehow
caused the accident! He inadvertantly
attributes causation
and meaning to an inanimate object
--the telephone pole.

Here's the other cool thing I've read, one that seems at least as artistic, like found poetry but in an action.

William Gamson, a sociology professor, had one of his students go into a grocery store where jelly beans, normally priced at that time at 49 cents per pound, were on sale for 35 cents. The student...asked for a pound of jelly beans. The saleswoman then wrapped them and asked for 35 cents. The rest of the conversation went like this:

Student: Oh, only 35 cents for all those nice jelly beans! There are so many of them, I think I will pay $1 for them.
Saleswoman: Yes, there are a lot, and today they are on sale for only 35 cents.
Student: I know they are on sale, but I want to pay $1 for them. I just love jelly beans, and they are worth a lot to me.
Saleswoman: Well, uh, no, you see, they are selling for 35 cents today, and you wanted a pound, and they are 35 cents a pound.
Student [voice rising]: I am perfectly capable of seeing that they are on sale at 35 cents a pound. That has nothing to do with it. It is just that I personally feel that they are worth more, and I want to pay more for them.
Saleswoman [becoming quite angry]: What is the matter with you? Are you crazy or something? Everything in this store is priced more than what it is worth. Those jelly beans probably cost the store only a nickel. Now do you want them or should I put them back?

At this point the student became quite embarrassed, paid the 35 cents for them, and hurriedly left.