[166/365] gloom

[cosmolinguist]

Thanks for all the supportive comments lately. Everyone's been so nice. I haven't replied. I haven't started on the complaint yet. I haven't finished either of these things though I have done my best to make some progress on them but neither is anywhere near done yet.

It can't be a good sign that I'm so desperate for anything to go well that I walked onwards to work feeling noticeably better just after I'd gone to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. Even with this taking a month of hoop-jumping and gatekeeping and bad genderfeels that I couldn't help thinking about today. It's still such a relief just...to have a task I know how to do and that has a tangible endpoint. That feels like such a luxury right now.

Today was harder because Gary's usual amount of stomach illness continued an unusual amount of time, into the night. He was a good boy but he was clearly restless, unable to get comfortable. Not helped by him not having had his regular painkillers yesterday, because we couldn't get him to eat anything. He first woke me up before four, and after one unsuccessful attempt to get back upstairs, I just grabbed a blanket and lay miserably on the sofa, nauseous with sleep deprivation, until Gary calmed down enough that I could doze off. I woke up after an hour, hour and a half, when my phone rang. It was just enough sleep to nudge me over the line from nauseous to "I think I'm fine because I don't feel tired but I know I'm not fine because I'm still too tired to feel tired."

That didn't last though; I've been back at struggling-to-function most of the day. I only have three days left of this job though and we are on a PIP deadline so there was no chance of me staying home. I got through work and doing chores when I got home (went to the tip, walked Gary (who's been doing much better today), helped make stir-fry). I talked to Stuart three or four times; he's having a tough day including some urgent money stress and a small car accident! Which he says he's fine after, and I didn't feel like I'd be any use to him if I tried to impose myself on him further so I am taking his word for it.

What a day.

So much more to do tomorrow, and the next day, too.

Comments

[angelofthenorth]

Much love.

[cosmolinguist]

Thank you.

[otter]

Sending more hugs

[cosmolinguist]

Gratefully received. :)

[barakta]

That is lots of stuff. I hope you get some rest after the next few days of all the thingses.

Never any obligation to reply to comments from me, even if they're useful, I don't ever want you to feel obliged to use a spoon where it's better spent elsewhere.

Hope you and Gary both have a better night tonight.