cosmolinguist | [14/366] best friend and worst day

14 Who was your very first best friend? Are you still in contact or communication with them?

My best friend from kindergarten to third grade was Katie. She started being homeschooled after that and we haven't been in touch since, even though she still lived nearby.

--

Today is so fucking fired. Ugh there comes a point where your mental health has been so bad for so long that you can't even function or prioritize the most basic necessary things. And I feel like I've hit that point today.

I've just missed an exam that I didn't even properly process as being today. My brain just isn't functioning. And it's scary and I'm not okay. It's the only fucking actual exam I have this semester and I couldn't fucking manage to turn up for it.

I know people miss exams and it's not the end of the world and they can still finish uni. But my brain and body are still panicking like I've ruined everything. I'm even more scared I'll never get my essays done on time now, both because after (for now, still during) such a bad panic attack I'm likely to have to write off the rest of the day, and because of what it says about how badly I'm really doing. I've been worried about the last few weeks feeling like an utter breakdown in my ability to function and trying to ignore it, but I guess I was right to be worried.

Edited to add: Andrew's been a star: he called the uni for me, found out I should be able to re-sit the exam perfectly okay since they already have my mentalism on record. The person he spoke to said the worst that might happen was that I'd have to do the class pass/fail rather than for a number grade, but that's fine with me, and apparently that's much less likely than being able to do the exam normally but he couldn't say for sure. He told Andrew to email the people who can say for sure, and to call them tomorrow (since by this point it was close of business hours today), and he apparently seemed absolutely unfazed by this. I figured it must be a thing they hear all the time but when it'd never happened to me before, it's scary.

So the immediate problem is as fixed as it can be for now. But I still can't bear to work on my essays now and I can't exactly afford to lose a day on them at this point, so that's frustrating.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

otter

I'm so sorry you're in that situation right now. I've had similar experiences. Are you able to communicate with your advisor or disability services and let them know you are experiencing a health crisis?

Sending hugs.

My best friend from 5th grade through high school was Colleen. She lived a block away and we spent all our time at one another's houses. We lost touch for a long time, but have reconnected a little bit. I've done some sewing for her family, when one of her kids got married.

cosmolinguist

I did email my disability advisor but I didn't expect much from her and didn't even get a reply yet. Andrew was able to call the school though, and that helped (see update to post).

I'm glad you've been able to get back in touch with your friend!

Andrew is a gem. I'm glad you two are together.

I know I can't rush myself to 'recover' from an episode like that. It's frustrating, but for me, it takes as long as it takes. I hope you have good ways to calm and soothe yourself, and they take effect soon.

lilysea

Ugh. :(

I wish you could have a real break, a real holiday.

I wish your trip to your parents had been half the length, and followed by 7 days of noodling around gently at your own house.

Thinking of you.

Yeah, I really really need an actual break. But there hasn't been one and (beyond the fact that I'm going to be away this weekend) there's no time for one before next semester starts. It's been really tough.