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cosmolinguistWhat do you do when the bad days don’t stop?
What do you do when sleep is never your friend, and so never sleeping you never really feel awake either?
What do you do when all the big problems seem insolube, and all the little ones seem interchangeable so as soon as you start feeling grateful or happy that one has resolved itself, there’s another hot on its heels to replace it?
What do you do when you’re doing everything right? Taking your meds, eating vegetables, going outside in the sunshine, keeping busy as much as possible. There are moments where you feel grateful and happy and positive, but they’re too short-lived and the rest of the time they seem such a distant memory, like something you read about happening to someone else, not something you can remember feeling yourself.
And somewhere out there is nights of good sleep and days of good moods, without the dives into crushing sadness or the soaring anxiety that leaves me restless and jittery so much of the time. There’s a waiting list for counseling that I am led to believe I’m getting closer to the top of all the time. There’s a job that will be my next one; I have no idea what it is.
But for now I feel like I have no idea about anything in my life. Just lots of questions.
What do you do when sleep is never your friend, and so never sleeping you never really feel awake either?
What do you do when all the big problems seem insolube, and all the little ones seem interchangeable so as soon as you start feeling grateful or happy that one has resolved itself, there’s another hot on its heels to replace it?
What do you do when you’re doing everything right? Taking your meds, eating vegetables, going outside in the sunshine, keeping busy as much as possible. There are moments where you feel grateful and happy and positive, but they’re too short-lived and the rest of the time they seem such a distant memory, like something you read about happening to someone else, not something you can remember feeling yourself.
And somewhere out there is nights of good sleep and days of good moods, without the dives into crushing sadness or the soaring anxiety that leaves me restless and jittery so much of the time. There’s a waiting list for counseling that I am led to believe I’m getting closer to the top of all the time. There’s a job that will be my next one; I have no idea what it is.
But for now I feel like I have no idea about anything in my life. Just lots of questions.
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(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-25 08:39 pm (UTC)Except I'd replace blues with country ;) Stick on some Emmylou Harris or maybe DBT's 'Hell No I Ain't Happy'
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-25 09:40 pm (UTC)