We're here tonight

[cosmolinguist]

Andrew's been having a rough time lately, with work-stress eating away at his health again. I've been really concerned about him and trying to be extra nice to him.

But I think that's been somewhat overshadowed by how run-down I've felt, myself. I don't really understand it, but I always seem to have insomnia or a headache that means I can't do anything for two days or a sinus infection and today I feel like I got the last empty square on the Bingo Card of Things That Can Go Wrong With Holly: my anxiety's flared up again.

I'm just about staying on top of things but it seems like every second of my time is spent either working, sleeping, or wasted (in procrastination or incapacitating illness or suchlike).

I don't really feel like I'm having enough fun, and it's kind of driving me crazy (and probably making me boring on Twitbook because I've been whining about this in microbloggy ways a lot more, leading to the inevitable conclusion the other day that "all work and no play makes Holly a dull Holly."

I expect this to improve soon -- next week I will have finished work for the year, and to my great delight things are already lining up so I have good stuff to look forward to when I get back -- but in the meantime I wanted to point out what a star Andrew's being: he helped me do something that was making me anxious today and seemed pretty trivial to him, he did a chore I hate which he doesn't usually notice needs doing unless I remind him and I'd forgotten to, he even immediately noticed that I'd hung up our Christmas stockings as my one decoration (not counting the lights, but I think I'm going to keep them as blue-and-white LEDs near the window seem to be tricking me into thinking there's more daylight).

This is remarkable to me because in previous years the thought of Christmas decorations made me a bit sad. I got nihilistic about hanging them up only for me and someone who is unlikely to notice anything about his surroundings and doesn't like Christmas anyway. We weren't going to have any parties and won't be anywhere near this house by Christmas, we even live at the end of a dead-end street so I can't even expect many neighbors or passers-by to be cheered by twinkly lights or a tree visible through our window, and just me looking at them seemed to miss the point of holidays being shared acknowledgements of communal tradition. So it was really nice that the first thing Andrew said when he walked into the room yesterday was "you hung up stockings!"

Having declared before that I want some magic in my Christmas, I'm using that as my excuse to make some; I can't expect it to come from anywhere else. But I know Andrew's trying to help, too; when he fired up the lovely version of A Christmas Carol read by Tom Baker that he downloaded the other day, he said "Here's some magic, because I know you'd like some."

I should remember that, when it feels like I'm doing all the looking-after and the drudgery and smoothing things over, making them nice for other people...I can't forget people are making things nice for me too, Andrew especially.

Comments

[sfred]

*cuddles*
...and hurray for Andrew.

[cosmolinguist]

Hurray for cuddles too :)

[bunnypip.livejournal.com]

"Here's some magic, because I know you'd like some."

how adorable is that?

*hugoffer*

I'm sorry things are drudgy. I hope they pick up soon.

[cosmolinguist]

I don't think I'm remembering it precisely, but that was exactly the sentiment offered.

(And it bloody worked too. I thought amidst all the film and cartoon adaptations and reading it in my 7th grade English class I must have known the whole story, but there's lots in there I didn't, and of course so much of the wonderful language gets lost; I've never been able to find an inroad into Dickens so this was absolutely delightful...though it did also make me cry, in parts of Christmases Past and Present.)

Hugs are good. And I'm sure I'll be pining for these "spend a team meeting watching my colleagues be silly at each other or go to the pub with my friends" kind of days in a couple of weeks when I'm back in Minnesota :) And as I say, after that things should improve sharpish, with getting to see faraway and/or too-rarely-seen friends.

[strange-complex.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that you're both feeling a bit over-burdened and ground down at the moment, but it is lovely to know that you are both helping each other through it. Glad to hear you have nice things to look forward to when you have finished work, too.

[mrs-leroy-brown.livejournal.com]

The St Nick's stocking my mom made for me years ago (poss when when was even pregnant?) keeps falling off my wall. It does not help that it is heavy felt and I only have blue-tack to attach it. I think it's a symbol of something.

[zammis.livejournal.com]

"Having declared before that I want some magic in my Christmas, I'm using that as my excuse to make some; I can't expect it to come from anywhere else"

I love this and I'm stealing it. :D

[cosmolinguist]

I'd suggest you steal what I realized as I was getting ready for bed that night I'd stolen it from myself: a line from the Terry Pratchett book Unseen Academicals which immediately resonated with me so much I used to have as practically a mantra: "Sometimes you have to be your own fairy godmother."