Oh, internet

[cosmolinguist]

No, Holly, you do not need to have the "sapiosexual is a fucking stupid word with no use except to alert me to when someone's a pretentious wanker not worth talking to" argument on your boss's Facebook.

Comments

[pseudomonas]

*giggle*

[cosmolinguist]

I blame sleep deprivation for this seeming like a good idea at the time.

[miss_s_b]

*be's a pretentious wanker*

[cosmolinguist]

I just think it's so unhelpful; no one thinks they're only attracted to idiots.

I've given up the argument anyway; I've been mansplained at and...is ablesplained a word yet?

[miss_s_b]

If not it should be.

I don't mind being called a pretentious wanker. I CAN be pretentious, and wanking is fun :)

[magister]

Seconded on all counts.

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah, I did have a moment of "oh shit, I just called Jennie a pretentious wanker?"...followed by "Oh, wait, I just called Jennie a pretentious wanker; I think she'll be okay with that and she'll know it hardly interferes with how much I like her!" I'm glad it worked out as I'd hoped :)

[miss_s_b]

Hehehehe

* snuggle *

[whipchick.livejournal.com]

Hahahahaha! And you're absolutely right :)

[cosmolinguist]

Thanks. I'm worried I offended a friend sympathetic to the word sapiosexual, but I hardly know anyone who uses sapiosexual as anything other than a way to show they've transcended physical attributes and emotions and commonalities and life experience and everything else about someone's personality in favor of their intellect. I've fallen for more than one person, including my husband, via the internet where I had a lot mroe evidence of their intelligence than their looks, but even as much as I value intelligence, I still find this such an offputting way of talking about it.

[softfruit.livejournal.com]

As well as the ... agghh... I also find it a touch insulting to straight and gay people to imply that they are only interested in someone's looks, which to me is a subtext of the way "sapiosexual" is frequently used. Gender or genitalia may be deal-breakers for some people but I don't think that means that they are also deal-makers!* **




* ymmv, yes maybe it is the most amazing Pants Contents ever, the law of sweeping internet generalisations applies
** I wanted to put something like "standalone deal-makers" but I can't find a non-smutty way of phrasing it!

[cosmolinguist]

s well as the ... agghh... I also find it a touch insulting to straight and gay people to imply that they are only interested in someone's looks, which to me is a subtext of the way "sapiosexual" is frequently used.

Absolutely; though since it's mostly straight men I've seen use it, I see it as an insult to everybody else who's less enlightened than they are.

But my boss did eventually rejoin his own Facebook conversation (by which time one of his friends and I had gotten all the way to talking about whether poly should be included in the LGBT acronym) to drag us back to his original point and say "but some people are primarily attracted to intelligence the way others are primarily attracted to hair color or breasts or bums" or something, which I'm sure is true. But do we need a new word invented for every one of those possibilities? Are we all mammarisexuals or gluteusmaximusexuals now? I appreciate that gender is kind of a dumb and arbitrary thing to base our sexual identities on but do we really want to divvy it up by these kinds of attributes instead?

[whipchick.livejournal.com]

What's wrong with "tits man" "ass man" and "not-an-asshole woman"? :)

I'm still with you. It sounds pompous and pathetic, the way people sound when they tell you about their martial arts training right away.

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

Yeeeeeah. Better places for such things. :)

[cosmolinguist]

I've stopped now! I can behave, when I need to, mostly...

[barakta]

hee hee so true but soo wise to walk away from this discussion in certain spaces...

Each to their own, even if they're WRONG *grits teeth*

[cosmolinguist]

I did end up using it as an platform for some bi visibility, as I ended up mentioning that one of the things I dislike about sapiosexual is I'm used to hearing it as one of the alternatives for people who think 'bisexual" is transphobic, and one of the commenters was really interested in biphobia because he's straight and never imagined such a thing would exist to the extent it does.

So I'm still being good, right? :)

[barakta]

Probably still good but still rule mavening ;P *smirk*

[cosmolinguist]

That sounds exactly right for me, actually. Good enough to rationalize away my naughtiness, just about. :D

[barakta]

Heh! I was good and scrolled past someone saying "yay sapiosexual" to one of those ghastly forwards about it on FB. I told myself life was too short and that person would be hurt or get defensive if I pedanted at them on FB about it, so let it drop, go and argue with academics or on cycling forum instead.

[diffrentcolours]

See also: "pansexual" ;)

[cosmolinguist]

The thing about pansexual is that at least it's a sign that you're pretty much on the same page as someone: usually they think "bisexual" isn't enough to express their special snowflakeness, or they have mistaken ideas about how restrictive "bisexual' is about gender, but that's pretty much it. "Sapiosexual" pretends to transcend not just gender but everything about a person except their brains, which meant I felt kind of weird going on about it to a straight man (and someone who refuses all labels unless they are adverbs or adjectives but didn't say what those adverbs or adjectives would be in his case) who had no ides of the internal politics amongst sexual minorities.

[softfruit.livejournal.com]

+1

[cosmolinguist]

Is it bad that I'm still laughing? :)

No, it is not and no you are not either. Because you've done me a great service: by planting this idea in my head you've ensured it'll be what I think of now when I encounter the word (and though I'll only be able to erupt in laughter if I'm protected by the medium of the internet and the other person not knowing how rude my laughter, even face-to-face my slow spreading crooked smile will be enough of an outlet) and I'll contemplate what a silly word this is.

And that humor will diffuse my irritation and exasperation, and thus I won't get sucked into arguments like this any more.

[patrick-vecchio.livejournal.com]

Regardless of the forum or occasion, whenever you can you should use the phrase "pretentious wanker."

[trinker.livejournal.com]

I confess to being friends with people who use it non-ironically, who are not straight men.

Mostly it substitutes as a high-falutin' word for "geek fetish".