do not think I can face any more chores. I will go mad.

[cosmolinguist]

I wish I had the discipline to work and keep my house from descending into chaos, but I just despair at the clutter and the entropy and how little energy I have. Even when I manage to eat or sleep properly -- rarely-achieved, insurmountable goals that they are themselves.

Still, just when I thought I was doing a really crappy job of running to stand still, diffrentcolours told me he was "tremendously impressed" at how well I've been holding up since I started my job, and that's made me feel good for the rest of the day.

Comments

[sfred]

(As my mum used to remind me...) Working outside the home and keeping house have rarely, over the course of history, been expected of the same person at the same time. It's bloody hard work to do both.
Go easy on yourself?

[cosmolinguist]

That's very wise :)

Thanks, I am trying to. But what I'm after isn't a paragon of cleanliness, it's just being able to find things, not having the bedroom be an obstacle course of laundry, not avoiding the kitchen (and thus cooking and eating properly) because I'm so put off by how much needs to be done to clean it... Going easy on myself just means those things get worse.

But I have actually done an okay job of keeping up with the stuff that really needs doing since I wrote this, and there are plans to do more. Writing about it helps in that :)

[cosmolinguist]

That my job is so well-suited for me is what I'm celebrating :) I'm really lucky to have the job I do; I could not ask for a more me-friendly way to get back into work. But it's still not painless -- if it could be, I wouldn't have needed to be so precise about the qualities necessary to make a job good for me.

It's rough because I don't even "feel" that depressed. I thrive when I'm busy: it's when my hours are empty for days at a time that I feel really awful.

I know depression doesn't always mean "feeling sad/hopeless/low on energy", just like migraines don't always mean "bad headaches" and panic attacks don't mean "being really upset about something" (it's possible that these are some bugbears of mine :) ) but when I feel okay it's easy to push the depression out of my mind...and that leads me to ignore or forget its effects, like energy-sapping, however well I intellectually am aware of them.

So thanks for the sensible reminder, and all your kind words.

[plumsbitch.livejournal.com]

moving back into work after a long time away is a *huge* transition. Even if it's an ace job, even if you love it/people etc, it' s still a VAST change to your life and is of course gonna have impacts/probably gonna need complimentary changes in how other things work/happen.

Think about what you'd be saying to me right now, yeah?

x

[cosmolinguist]

You are wise and good.

(And not, as I first typed, "goo.")

:)

X

[plumsbitch.livejournal.com]

:)

actually, at this stage in the packing/moving thing, 'goo' is a pretty accurate description...

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah, moving sucks so hard. I've been thinking of you lots, but staying out of your metaphorical way since I can't be of any practical help. I'm glad it'll all be over soon, but no doubt not as glad as you are :) xx

[cosmolinguist]

hope you're remembering that one of the qualities that makes a job good for you is your own effort and commitment. :-)

Thank you :) I do have my dad's (or to give him his full name, Holly's "Part Time Work Doesn't Seem Like a Real Job to Me" Dad) work ethic.

When I was still not well, even though I didn't feel that sick, chores were just undoable.

I forgot to say before how much I appreciated the analogy. I get a lot of sinus infections, and sometimes I can get so used to them that I find myself thinking "man, why is everything so difficult?" I realize my head feels like it's going to explode. And they also sap my energy for the littlest things. It's really very apt, and I can see myself benefiting if I remember to keep this comparison in mind in the future :)

[haggis.livejournal.com]

First off, I agree with diffrentcolours.

Secondly, You Are Me And I Claim My Five Pounds.

More helpfully - you've helped me in the past with this stuff. Would it be useful to get try to do it together ie I come round help you then you come round and help me?

(This would be good on two fronts - it might help you and I have been dealing with work-argh by spending all my time online and it is doing my head in so some time interacting with Real People (like you) and Real Things (like mess) might help.

[cosmolinguist]

I think that could definitely be useful. I did after writing this at least do the things that were hanging over my head (dishes, took the laundry out of the washing machine which is totally an important step to hanging it up to dry, even cleaned the bathroom); as much as I hate talking about this stuff and looking pathetic, it does seem to help spur me to action and I think you and I being in the same place could help in a similar way (not that we think each other is pathetic but you know what I mean :) ).

[haggis.livejournal.com]

I suggest we do time/date plotting tonight?

[cosmolinguist]

Yes, this is all good and worthy plans to be making, but first: to the pub! :D

[indigopirate.livejournal.com]

Hugs xx Don't worry this is entirely normal (well it is in my world) You aren't the only one! Boat is now in complete chaos even though I made it immaculate on Sunday, 3 days and somehow there is no workspace in the kitchen and I have to move stuff to make a space to sit down not good! I need to tidy tonight but I also need to organise clothes and stuff for interview. Tidying does not fall high enough up my list of priorities to be above friends, work, food or sleep.

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah, I always have something I prioritize more highly than cleaning, too. But the problem is then that all these little niggling things -- stepping on clothes all over the floor, not wanting to cook because it requires my proximity to a dirty kitchen, not being able to find stuff -- accumulate and it does my head in slowly but surely. Conversely, having done the dishes and wiped the countertops meant I felt much better about making coffee and breakfast at an unusually-early hour for me today. My surroundings affect and reflect my mental state more than I'd like!

[indigopirate.livejournal.com]

I think what we all need are some Orkney Peedie Folk - sadly I have a feeling they don't like the mainland

[uglybuffy.livejournal.com]

Decluttering is my downfall. Spuddy and I are talking about getting a cleaner, but we need to get the MOUNTAINS AND MOUNTAINS OF STUFF out of the way first. I spent three hours (!!!) decluttering one half of my bedroom on Saturday, and my dust allergies have left me wheezy, snuffly and sorry for myself ever since. I find it impossible to do, especially with Semtex in the house, wanting attention. And he's a very messy dog. His hair gets everywhere and he drools. I find dog hairs at work sometimes.

[cosmolinguist]

Decluttering is the bane of my life; Andrew buys books, DVDs and music at a fantastic rate and ever wants to get rid of anything. His solution is to say we should move to a bigger house. Like that's not stressful at all either.

[patrick-vecchio.livejournal.com]

How do you eat a rhinocerous? A bite at a time.