Here's another question

[cosmolinguist]

Is the difference between platonic love and romantic love a matter of kind or just of degree?

Comments

[paninogirl.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about that line in When Harry Met Sally, especially considering it's one of my favorite movies. I don't think my interpretation is the same as yours, so I'll express what I feel he meant by that line.

I think what Harry meant when he stated that "men and women can't be friends because sex gets in the way" was that once sex is in the picture, it's very hard to go back to what you were as merely platonic friends. For many people, sex is a very intimate, personal, emotionally-attached experience. If two platonic friends were to have sex, but viewed the reasons for doing so and the outcomes of such an encounter differently, then it can change what the friendship becomes.

Harry said that men pretty much "want to nail" every woman they're friends with, attractive or unattractive. (For the record, I'm not stating I agree that all men believe this. I'm simply citing quotations I know pretty well from excessive viewing of the movie. :) ) Therefore, given the opportunity, a man will accept the sexual advances of any woman he's friends with. If the two view the sex differently, it'll get in the way of the friendship they once had. That's why, if you're not fuck buddies, sex gets in the way. It changes the relationship you have. It either makes it something more (you become a couple) or less (you drift because of awkwardness), but it rarely ever stays the same.

Thinking about it now, it probably explains why it's sometimes difficult to be friends with an ex. Crossing the line of physical intimacy, on any level, is, for most, an emotionally connected experience. Once that physical connection ceases, you lose some of the closeness you once shared. In fact, it can sometimes feel violating to even think about or know that the other is engaging in similar instances of physical intimacy that you valued so highly with another person -- and enjoying it. It strains the friendship, and it rarely is ever able to get back to normal. This theory explains why my first two ex-boyfriends struggled to have friendships with me (I began showing interest in other guys before they showed interest in other girls), and why I struggled for some time to finally let go of the past with my most recent ex, whom I was deeply connected to on so many levels.

To close, to answer your question, I agree with what one said about it being based on your own personal experiences, viewpoints, and interpretations. To put such a gross generalization for all to follow is just impossible. I don't think I'll ever find someone who feels exactly as I do about love and relationships, but it's my hope that someday I'll find someone pretty close. :)

[cosmolinguist]

I think you and I are indeed approaching this differently. We're looking at it from different perspectives; yours seems to be "the aftermath of making the relationship physical" and mine is "the relationship with no interest in getting physical."

I've had male friends with whom I have never and probably will never want to have sex. And I don't think those relationships are incomplete without sex, or damaged by the omission of sex. Just as I don't see myself having sex with any of my female friends, and don't think I'm missing anything there. This view does not seem incompatible with your "it could be bad to have sex with your friends" position; I agree with all the things you said here.

But I don't know if that's his point, since I don't think he means that sex would actually have to take place to "get in the way." I think he's saying that it's impossible for men (again, I don't know if this is true for real men, I'm just saying what he said) to be friends with women without having the ulterior motive of wanting to sleep with them, and I just do not believe that is true.

[paninogirl.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with not wanting to have sex with some of your male friends. There are some male friends of mine that I just feel absolutely NO spark with, but enjoy their company.

For that reason, I find it hard to believe that every single male would have ulterior motives with every single one of their female friendships. But, it does make sense that that might have been what Harry was trying to convey in the movie. Still, I don't think it's very true. And even though what I wrote might not have necessarily been what he was trying to say, I still believe it to be true. :)

And it's nice to know someone else also agrees with me. :)