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cosmolinguistI am reading The Onion and Sarah is reading over my shoulder. (Well, not anymore, because I am writing this, but I am telilng a story!) And I was making fun of her for this reading over my shoulder. And she just said, "You know why I'm doing that."
"Because my computer is cooler?" I said. It's not really a question.
"Well, because it's faster than mine," she said. This is a truth universally acknowledged. But then she said, "It's like those commercials for Swiffer or something where the people with the Swiffer get done really fast and the other people say, 'Oh, we're still cleaning, can we use your Swiffer?' It's like a commercial for Linux!"
"They don't have commercials for Linux," I said.
"I know," she said. "But if they did. That's what it could be like. They'd have two college kids who are waiting for e-mail from their boyfriends or something." (I think this setup already says as much about Sarah Jean as it does about Linux.) "And they'd say, 'Oh, let's turn on our computers now,' and the person with Linux has everything open in like ten seconds ... "
"Because they probably don't have to turn their computer off in the first place," I added helpfully. Or maybe it wasn't helpfully, but it's still true. I only turn of my computer when I have to plug something in or take something out. Or once when I left for the weekend and the notion that my computer would still be on and taking up electricity so offended Al that when I teasingly asked her if she'd feel better if I turned it off, she said "Yes!" and then I had to. But anyway.
Sarah went on. "Right, and the person with Windows is still waiting, and--" And around this point she said, to her computer, "Come on, I've clicked OK like twenty times and you're still not doing anything!" I chuckled inwardly.
"Because my computer is cooler?" I said. It's not really a question.
"Well, because it's faster than mine," she said. This is a truth universally acknowledged. But then she said, "It's like those commercials for Swiffer or something where the people with the Swiffer get done really fast and the other people say, 'Oh, we're still cleaning, can we use your Swiffer?' It's like a commercial for Linux!"
"They don't have commercials for Linux," I said.
"I know," she said. "But if they did. That's what it could be like. They'd have two college kids who are waiting for e-mail from their boyfriends or something." (I think this setup already says as much about Sarah Jean as it does about Linux.) "And they'd say, 'Oh, let's turn on our computers now,' and the person with Linux has everything open in like ten seconds ... "
"Because they probably don't have to turn their computer off in the first place," I added helpfully. Or maybe it wasn't helpfully, but it's still true. I only turn of my computer when I have to plug something in or take something out. Or once when I left for the weekend and the notion that my computer would still be on and taking up electricity so offended Al that when I teasingly asked her if she'd feel better if I turned it off, she said "Yes!" and then I had to. But anyway.
Sarah went on. "Right, and the person with Windows is still waiting, and--" And around this point she said, to her computer, "Come on, I've clicked OK like twenty times and you're still not doing anything!" I chuckled inwardly.
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(no subject)
Date: 2003-11-26 11:53 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-11-26 05:46 pm (UTC)"I only turn of my computer when I have to plug something in or take something out. Or once when I left for the weekend..."
Same here. Or if I'm playing around with overclocking...
The funny thing is, though, is that even tho my linux box' cpu is 2x as fast as my winsux pc, winsux boots up & into the gui in about 1/3 of the time...
of course, that's cuz linux could run a f***ing server farm from my desktop, & so is much more thorough & detailed with hardware checks & loading all sorts of powerful server-type services, most of which I can't seem to justify turning off...
BTW Happy Turkey Day!
(no subject)
Date: 2003-11-26 08:28 pm (UTC)I, fortunately, use *nix almost all of the time, and so I almost never have to wait for anything to boot (no reason to turn them off).
(no subject)
Date: 2003-11-26 10:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-11-26 06:49 pm (UTC)Takes me nearly 2 minutes to boot up my computer. Oh the shame!!
What ?
Date: 2003-11-26 09:19 pm (UTC)Re: What ?
Date: 2003-11-27 07:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-11-26 11:36 pm (UTC)Lured by its low cost, I replaced Windows 98 on my computer with Linux. Unfortunately the more I use it the more I fear that this "Linux" may be an insidious way for the Dark One to gain a stronger foothold here on Earth. I know this may be a shocking claim, but I have evidence to back it up!
To begin with, Linux is based off of an older, obsolete OS called "BSD Unix". The child-indoctrinatingly-cute cartoon mascot of this OS is a devil holding a pitchfork. This OS -- and its Linux offspring -- extensively use what are unsettingly called "daemons" (which is how Pagans write "demon" -- they are notoriously poor spellers: magick, vampyre, etc.) which is a program that hides in the background, doing things without the user's notice. If you are using a computer running Linux then you probably have these "demons" on your computer, hardly something a good Christian would want! Furthermore in order to start or stop these "demons" a user must execute a command called "finger". By "fingering" a "demon" one excercises an unholy power, much the same way that the Lord of Flies controls his black minions.
Linux contains another Satanic holdover from the "BSD Unix" OS mentioned above; to open up certain locked files one has to run a program much like the DOS prompt in Microsoft Windows and type in a secret code: "chmod 666". What other horrors lurk in this thing?
Consider some of these other Linux commands: "sleep", "mount", "unzip", "strip" and "touch". All highly suggestive in a sexual nature. I know that our Lord cannot approve of these, and I urge them to be renamed to something appropriate to the Christian community. Interestingly "CONTROL-G" (the sixth key from the left of the keyboard) does an abort. To write files a "VI" editor is included. All these are to ensnare the unsuspecting christian who could get tempted by typing "VIVIVI" all day long.
Fourth, Linux uses a flavor of DOS known as Bash. Bash is an acronym for "Bourne Again Shell". On the surface this would appear to be supportive of the Lord. However, remember that even Satan can quote the bible for his own purposes! While I believe Linux may be born-again, its obvious by the misspelling of "born" that its not born-again in an Christian church. Will the lies ever cease?
Additionally, one of the main long-haired hippies involved with the GNU Free Software Foundation supports communism, contraception and abortion. He has consistently supported 60's counter-cultural "values", and his web site even advocates government support of contraception. He also wears fake halos, and has quips about his made-up church that relates to his free software. I find such blasphemy to be extremely unsettling.
One must also remember that the creator of Linux, a college student named Linux Torvaldis, comes from Finland. I'm sure all the followers of Christ are aware of the heritical nature of the Finnish: from necrophilia to human sacrifice, Finnish culture is awash in sin. I find little reason to believe anything good and holy could arise from this evil land.
Finally, let us remember that there is an alternative to using the Satan-powered Linux. I think history has shown us that Microsoft is quite holy. I'm told that its founder, William Gates is a strong supporter of our Lord and I encourage my fellow Christians to buy only his products to help keep the Devil at bay.
I wish I had more time to expound upon my findings. Unfortunately a family of Jews has moved in across the street and I must go speak to them of Jesus Christ before they are condemned to eternal hellfire.
Please investigate this as you see fit and I'm sure you'll reach the same conclusions that I have. (http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=60106&cid=5689641)