elf.zwolf

[cosmolinguist]

My mom told me on Sunday that my grandpa has been diagnosed with dementia. My first thought--and probably the first thing I said--was "That's not too surprising." And it's not; he's been showing the classic signs for a while now, symptoms that have been gradually increasing with time.

And my (immediate) family knows this; it's all-too-familiar to us. My other grandpa, who died a year ago, had Alzheimer's dsiease for a number of years.

Once again, I have a grandfather who doesn't think there's anything wrong with him, so he won't take any medication (even though the doctor says it will help and without it he has maybe another eight months with a "good" mind left). Once again, an already-stubborn person has become almost unbearable at times now that his mind is failing him. And once again, the situation will probably wreak havoc on my family.

Due to the various illnesses of my dad's parents--and his and his siblings' efforts to cope with that--we don't have much to do with that side of the family anymore. I don't think we're even pretending to be nice to my dad's brother and his wife these days. A couple of summers ago the situation was both terrible and all-encompassing--for a while, I wasn't even sure that my parents still liked each other. I don't expect things to happen on that scale on my mom's side of the family now (though it's not inconceivable; they don't always get along very well either), but even so, it's no fun to think about.

It may sound like I'm being selfish--here my grandpa is losing his mind and I'm worried about how unfortunate this is for me--but really, dementia is the kind of affliction that affects the family of the patient in ways quite different but perhaps as profound as the way it affects the patient himself. They often don't realize there's anything wrong with them, because such diseases by their very nature inhibit one's ability to think about things. My other grandpa's sad situation used to prompt my parents to say, "I hope I never lose my mind like that." And while I hope they don't, as well, I couldn't help but point out that they wouldn't miss it. They probably wouldn't notice. Mnids are great things, so for anyone to lose theirs is a sucky thing. But it's not tragic to the person suffering with Alzheimer's or whatever, it's tragic to the loved ones who do remember what they were like, and mourn the comparative loss. That's why my grandpa's dementia makes me concerned not just for his well-being, but for that of my family.

Comments

[tragicallyjulia.livejournal.com]

I don't have much to say because you've said it all - I completely concur.

Hugs and good wishes for you and all of your family...

[cosmolinguist]

Thanks. :-) For hugs and wishes and for implying that I can say something well enough that someone else can concur without wanting to add anything.

[tragicallyjulia.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! You're welcome! :-)

[paninogirl.livejournal.com]

I worked with residents at the West Wind Village in Morris for my creative writing class who had Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia. We sat with them once a week and had themes with which we discussed things about their past. We tape recorded these discussions, and then we wrote found poetry based on their comments. It was a unique experience, and it showed me how these diseases can affect the mind of a person.

Based on my personal experience with people I had not known prior to this state, I can only imagine what it must be like for you and your family. My thoughts are with all of you, and I think that everything you wrote was from the heart and lacks negative selfishness. As you said, diseases like these affect the entire family, and you have every right to feel the way that you do.

[cosmolinguist]

I actually took the same creative writing class, and though I personally didn't get much out of the project, I saw that most other students seemed to. That makes sense; not everyone has the experience with the elderly, nursing homes, and people with reduced mental capacities that I have gotten due to my family and my job.

I don't much like found poetry, either. :-) But that's another story!

[paninogirl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was disappointed in the class, because I didn't do the kind of creative writing I wanted to. However, it was easy to get an A, so I guess that was okay.

I did write some cool things I wouldn't have written had I not taken the time to because of this class. Found poetry I could've done without.

[kratkrat.livejournal.com]

Hang in there, I know it is tough. Fortunately (sort of) for my mom, when her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's she went downhill fast. Her doctor said it was just about the fastest decline from totally fine to almost completely incapacitated that he'd ever heard of, let alone seen. Even with that, it was not fast enough and it was tough on my mom.

You're in my thoughts.