What a great book to have sitting on your coffee table

[cosmolinguist]

from Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, of course

"Grandma, what big teeth you have!"

The wolf said, "I am happy with who I am and what I am," and leaped out of bed. He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her. Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the wolf's apparent tendency toward cross-dressing, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space.

Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopper-person (or log-fuel technician, as he preferred to be called) ...
--"Little Red Riding Hood"


But their idyll was soon shattered. One day along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry, in both a physical and an ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and bnaged on the door, shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs defending their homes and culture."

But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit. Where the house of straw had stood, other wovles bought up the land and started a banana plantation.

AT the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor!"
--"The Three Little PIgs"

Comments

[ex-odious406.livejournal.com]

"This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote letters of protest to the United Nations. By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods."

I have to read that book. I really do.

Oh, do you mind if I add you?

[cosmolinguist]

I've only read bits of it--my roommate is reading it, for a book club, and that's why it was on the coffee table anyway--and it's so fun.

Of course I don't mind if you add me; I'll even add you back.

[uclacorey.livejournal.com]

can I just say, yes, YES, YES!!!

that's my dream book! and it's available at my loca library--i'm literally picking it up now!

[cosmolinguist]

Everybody has just gone crazy over this--I posted it in literaryquotes, too, and the response has been amazing.

And it's not just LiveJournal people who react like that. One of my roommates, Asha, was so excited when she heard another roommate, Alyssa, was reading this. "I read that when I was like ten, and it changed my life! I'm serious! I think that book fucked up my mind!" (I just laughed; I know what she means. The books that could be said to have changed my life--Stranger in a Strange Land comes to mind--could also be said to have fucked with my mind.) "I'm so jealous of you," she told Alyssa, "that you get to have this experience of first reading it." Asha's so funny. And fun.

And, yeah, everybody should read this book.