Space-time anomaly

[cosmolinguist]

(an LJ Idol entry)

Apparently the world will end on my birthday next year.

If this is the last birthday I get -- and my 30th as well! -- I think it is not asking too much for me to hope it is better than last year.

If I said "I spent my last birthday in Paris" you'd probably think I was a lucky rich girl, practicing the French phrase my college roommate taught me was most important ("Une baguette s'il vous plaît!"), elegantly drinking coffee in a sidewalk café, walking around the Louvre with joy and wonder...

Perish the thought.

Some folks say that Mayan end-of-the-world happens on December 21 rather than 22, so perhaps it's fitting that this story begins on December 21, the day before my birthday.

Andrew and I were supposed to change planes at Charles de Gaulle. It's easier since the TSA has ensured that connections in the U.S. are a nightmare, especially with checked bags -- and with a husband who always seems to get flagged up as suspicious, probably because of his beard, his lack of an American passport, or his aspie fidgeting). We were meant to be in La France for less than two hours.

But that short layover doomed us; when our flight was delayed leaving Manchester, we landed just about in time to see our plane to Minneapolis take off without us. All because of a couple of inches of snow on the ground. I missed Minnesota even more then: it didn't grind to a halt for a light dusting of snow!

We waited in the longest lines I have ever had the misfortune to stand in -- queue-jumpers just behind us nearly caused a multilingual fistfight -- only to be told there were no more flights to Minneapolis; there were no flights to North America all day that weren't fully booked. The holidays, you know. The weather.

The staff were as helpful as they could be on what must have been a rough day at work, but as I watched them talk on the phone, walk to and fro, and go about their jobs, I resented them mightily. They knew there'd be an end to their shift and they were a métro ride, or whatever, from home. These people knew where their underwear was. They could get themselves to their beds.

I stood in a short line -- about an hour, I think -- to find out what happened to our luggage. By this point Andrew was so tired (our allegedly early-morning flight had meant only a few hours' sleep) he was in tears and I sent him to sit down somewhere. I might as well have sat down myself; we saw one of our suitcases in February, one never again.

We took the wrong bus from the airport, in search of the hotel whose name was printed on our vouchers, so had to stay on the bus until it wound its way around back to the airport again and we could try another one. I never did catch a glimpse of the Eiffel Tower, which as we all know from movies can be seen from any window in Paris. Of course we weren't really in Paris anyway; we were where airports always spring up: miles out, amidst scattered hotels, multi-lane swathes of concrete and industrial parks. They look the same all over the world. All over the universe, probably.

Andrew and I couldn't even brush our teeth, but we showered despite the lack of clothes to change into and slept for something like 14 hours. I woke up in the night to pee, wondering if I the odometer of my life had ticked over to 29 yet. I felt outside of space and time. I didn't know where I was, or when I was. I didn't belong.

This year we're flying on my birthday, and back to Charles de Gaulle rather than the much-preferred Schipol. I'm not a superstitious person, but I'm worried. I don't pray, I don't believe in karma, I don't think the world will end on my thirty-first birthday...

...but if you do, send me a good thought?

Comments

[patrick-vecchio.livejournal.com]

To think that travel used to be an adventure.

[cosmolinguist]

I used to think travel was an adventure. But that's because travel used to mean road trips :) Which have their own sorrows (and joys) but at least you know where your underwear is.

[innerbrat]

I "liked" the writing, and I think it's a great entry. Definitely interesting

I did not like your experience, and didn't know you were going through this as I hurtled in the other direction on one of the first flights into London.

I'll be flying on your birthday as well this year. I will give you a mental high five as we pass over the mid-Atlantic.

[rt-sparrow.livejournal.com]

I didn't understand the "moron" reference at the beginning, and it distracted me for a few minutes while I tried to figure it out.

I get what you're worried about, about the complaining about travel problems. This is my favorite paragraph:

The staff were as helpful as they could be on what must have been a rough day at work, but as I watched them talk on the phone, walk to and fro, and go about their jobs, I resented them mightily. They knew there'd be an end to their shift and they were a métro ride, or whatever, from home. These people knew where their underwear was. They could get themselves to their beds.

You talk about how you felt, which puts me as a reader more into what's happening. Maybe add more of this. For example, I like the line about seeing the Eiffel tower from any window, maybe also how did you feel about not seeing it?

[cosmolinguist]

I'll try to make the end-of-the-world thing easier to grasp at the beginning (with friends like mine, this is so permeated in the culture that allusions to it don't need to be too explicit, but I must remember not everyone is like this!), thanks for that.

And yeah, that part you quoted is actually my favorite too; it's one of the things that I remember most vividly from that day. This environment was so hostile to me, but it was so normal to them. And they were so lucky to have that normality.

I do think this is the trick to making the travel-complaints work: not just "this happened and then this happened and then this happened" (which is sort of what we'd get from the people with the slide shows of their vacations) but the things that stick in our minds: the quirky things, the real things.

Thanks very much for reading and commenting helpfully! I'll do what I can :) And good luck to you!

[shadowwolf13]

Good luck!

[cosmolinguist]

Thanks! Maybe with the goodwill of the internet, the powers that be in the universe will be more influenced towards kindness to my husband and me this year :)

[haggis.livejournal.com]

Barakta refers to Birmingham New Street as Mordor Central. In my opinion, it's definitely twinned with Charles De Gaulle.

[cosmolinguist]

OH YES. CDG is even worse than O'Hare, which used to be my least favorite airport.

[marstokyo.livejournal.com]

Air transportation is a nightmare anymore. Too bad so much of the world requires it to get there.

[cosmolinguist]

I much prefer trains :) But yeah, that doesn't work with the Atlantic Ocean in the way.

[baxaphobia.livejournal.com]

I don't believe the world will end but I'll send you good thoughts anyway! What an awful experience!

[cosmolinguist]

I did think it was awful, yeah, but at the same time I'm aware of how lucky I am to live a life where this counts as awful.

I'm reminded of the comedian Louis CK, who says "“People on planes are the worst. People on planes, they complain, they get off the plane, they come to your house, and they tell you about their whole flight experience. They make it sound like it was a fucking cattle car pulling them in the 40’s, they just make it, ‘That was the worst day of my life. I had to sit on the runway for 40 minutes.’

That’s a story in this country, that’s a fucking hardship. That you had to sit on the runway. People will listen to that story, they’ll stop doing dishes and go, ‘Oh my God, really? For 40 minutes? That’s awful. You should sue them.’

‘I had to sit on the runway for 40 minutes.’ Oh my God, really? What happened then, did you fly through the air, like a bird, incredibly? Did you soar into the clouds impossibly? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight and then land softly on giant tires that you couldn’t even conceive how they fucking put air in them? How dare you. ‘I had to pay for my sandwich.’ You’re flying! You’re sitting in a chair in the sky! You’re like a Greek myth right now! ‘But it doesn’t go back very far and it’s sort of squishing my knees.’"

Yeah. I don't want to be one of those people.

hey!

[borneaway.livejournal.com]

you'll be fine. and if it isn't, well i don't want to go all pollyanna on you but your last travel disaster made for an engaging and well-told little story.

life, i think, in the main, is not made up of "good" things or "bad" things. it is made up of stories. and, to paraphrase oscar wilde, they are either charming or tedious. and if everything went according to plan tedium would reign.

[cosmolinguist]

Oh indeed. Making everything into stories, neat little narratives, is a coping mechanism of mine, almost to a fault. It does come in handy when I'm writing though :)

[dblicher.livejournal.com]

What a travesty indeed! But I must say I liked reading about it. Your prose has a nice rhythm from the varation in sentence type and length. Will we see more of Andrew in future pieces?

[cosmolinguist]

Probably. Odd that he's not been mentioned in any of mine so far really -- next month will make it six years we've been married, and he's in a lot of my stories :)

I'm glad you liked it! (I just finished reading yours and liked it too; your oblique ways of telling the story are really powerful and end up involving the reader a lot too, to fill in the blanks and make the connections, which I love.)

[imafarmgirl.livejournal.com]

What a horrible trip. Jeez.

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah I don't think calling it a travesty is too much of an exaggeration :)

[jacq22.livejournal.com]

Oh yes understand Andrew being in tears almost, as there moments in life, when the sheer exhaustion of travel, the waiting, the frustration drives anyone to this.

You wrote well, with facts that made it come alive. Hope this year is better, but just enjoy the birthday whatever. Funny I thought I was going to die at thirty, and here I am having passed it twice, and then some! Life gets better at 40.

[cosmolinguist]

Yes, he's not usually prone to crying! But I think that's one reason it's such a vivid memory that I wanted to include it here; this is about when I started to think "wow, this isn't just kind of annoying, this is a big deal" (also this is when I was finally able to call my mom and tell her and my dad not to make the two-hour drive to the airport to pick us up, which pretty much sucked, especially as I was the obvious target for her disappointment and irritation, even though she knew it wasn't my fault)...so yeah, as the kids say, shit got real :)

I am glad you didn't die at thirty :) And I don't think I will. My 20s have, now that I think about it, been pretty dreadful in a lot of ways -- I mean, I'm glad I'm married and I have the best friends in the world, but other than that, I really won't miss them at all!

[whipchick.livejournal.com]

Last time I was in Charles de Gaulle it was the middle of a garbage strike...I fly through there again January 1, so cross your fingers for me!

Love this line - "These people knew where their underwear was." - that's such a pithy, perfect little moment.

[cosmolinguist]

Oh dear. Yep, definitely Mordor Central. I will indeed be wishing you well.

I never really thought until then about how powerless you feel when your stuff is not with you. I don't have a lot of money so a good fraction of my clothes were in those suitcases, as well as presents I'd carefully chosen to be in my price range, things my family would like, and things that would pack easily. I think the psychic trauma of being separated from our things is one reason that travelers get so spiky. Maybe this is why the Buddhists say attachment causes suffering :)

[irishrosedkm.livejournal.com]

Even the minutest percentage of the world ending is why I plan on being in Finland around that time. And perhaps I will visit Santa before hand.

Hopefully your trip this Christmas is much better this time around.

Also, I'm in MN too and I'm always appalled by how mild weather in other states/places causes delays and cancellations!

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah, it's the same in Britain. There are no snowplows! People actually refuse to shovel their sidewalks! It's actually painful for a Minnesota girl to watch :)

[myrna-bird.livejournal.com]

Such a good example of John Lennon's line about 'life is what happens when we're busy making other plans.' Gosh, you sure put up with a lot with that trip and I can't believe the missing luggage has still never showed up at all.
Very good story-telling. I could just see it all happening as in 'queue-jumpers just behind us nearly caused a multilingual fistfight --' Good job!

[cosmolinguist]

I think even a year later I could see it all happening! Makes it easy to write anyway. I was worried this'd end up like the worst combination of misery porn and holiday-snapshot slideshows, but I tried hard to avoid that. Your kind words mean a lot, thank you :)

[rabid1st.livejournal.com]

I remember when the world was supposed to end on Dec. 31, 1999. More than that, I remember it was supposed to end one night when I was ten years old. I saw it in a tabloid at the supermarket. New Year's Predictions from Celebrity Psychics and I sweated it out for four months, waiting for Doomsday. Don't be scared. The Mayan civilization fell, they couldn't go on making calendars forever and the end of the age seems like a great place to stop.

I adore your entry. And I'm 92% sure that the world isn't going to change much at all. Unless, you know, the aliens come out of hiding to bring us enlightenment. What? It could happen!

[cosmolinguist]

The end of the world used to scare the pee out of me. It was one reason I didn't get along too well with the charismatic-Christians I fell in with for a while in my late teens.

But I'm certainly not scared now. I never quite thought of the "well duh, the Maya calendar has to run out some time; they're not around to keep making more!" angle, but it really made me laugh. I've heard it compared to how our calendars run out on Dec 31st and no one thinks the world will end; they just buy a new calendar. Makes sense to me.

But I first learned about this date for the apocalypse when I was, I dunno, 12 or 13 or something, and have been delighted ever since that the world would end on my (impossibly-distant, of course) 31st birthday. I thought it was a good excuse for a big party, at the very least.

[noodledays.livejournal.com]

I most certainly will, and I hope this year's trip goes much more smoothly too.

[cosmolinguist]

Thank you. I'm sort of taking a lightning-won't-strike-the-same-place-twice-right? style of attitude toward it at th moment :) May not be very scientific, but it makes me feel better.

[lawchicky.livejournal.com]

I'm sure the world won't be ending, and I hope your flight goes smoothly!

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

I prefer Schiphol, too. I loved the way you illustrated your doom here. ;)

[cosmolinguist]

Schipol is the best (except for Minneapolis/St. Paul of course, which I think would be great even if it didn't mean HOME): big yellow blind-Holly-friendly signs, everybody's super friendly and helpful, there's even a museum that we got to look around the time we had the seven-hour layover. We're going to Schipol on the way back, and though I hate that long wait for the not-even-an-hour flight when all I want is to not be traveling...if I have to there's nowhere I'd rather spend it.

It's good for me, to look for the places where I can gild the edges of the doom :) Thanks, and I'm glad you liked it!

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

As someone who's a bit obsessed with Mayan history, I don't believe the world is going to end. I'm excited for that day to come and go though :)

Happy early birthday! Good luck!

[cosmolinguist]

Of course it isn't going to end. But since I learned about this, at least half a lifetime ago, I always felt a bit special that if it were going to, it'd be on MY BIRTHDAY :) So close to Christmas, my birthday doesn't often get to feel that special!

All the more reason I'm surprised/happy for the birthday wishes! Thanks, for the luck too :)

[basric.livejournal.com]

Flying is always an adventure for me so I sympathize with you completely. Sometimes years later those misadventures are still not amusing and can get your blood boiling. I enjoyed reading about your and knowing I am not alone.

As for next year--good grief. The Mayans stone carver died from snake bite poison and couldn't finish chiseling.

[cosmolinguist]

I enjoyed reading about your and knowing I am not alone.

This was, I thought, the benefit in writing it.

Thanks for your comment.

[nodressrehersal.livejournal.com]

Oh, I could feel the exhaustion and the frustration in the telling here, nicely done.

We went to the Bahamas once, but our luggage decided to vacation in Santo Domingo. It took quite some time for that suitcase to make its way back to us - more than a month, I think.

[cosmolinguist]

The exhaustion and frustration are still very vivid in my mind :) Thanks.

[theafaye.livejournal.com]

Have a wonderful birthday later this week! And if the worst DOES come to the worst next year (which I highly doubt), at least you can say that your party went with a bang :oP

[cosmolinguist]

Heh, that's what I was thinking when I first learned this as a teenager: excuse for the best party ever! Thank you for the birthday wishes too :)

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

Oy. I'm going to like, fling myself onto some wood for this comment, but I am SO glad I have never missed a flight by any reason!

[cosmolinguist]

No I'm glad you haven't either! I managed to get through about five years of flights with no delays or trauma to speak of, but the last two Christmases were unusually snowy in parts of Europe that a) can't handle that and b) I was flying to/from and that made all the difference. But of course I'm glad every time I or anybody doesn't have to put up with this nonsense; it's bad on so many levels.

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

Minneapolis will be having a brown Christmas this year, sadly. I do envy a life with lots of travels, though... even the bad ones.

[cosmolinguist]

It was the first time my husband (who'd only been there at Christmas except when we got married and that was January) had seen the ground, in Minnesota. I wasn't that bothered about the lack of snow; we had to travel to the Cities between airport trips too, to spend Christmas at my dad's sister's house, so I was just relieved that there was no added stress in the travel. Though it was a little sad, to see the land I fondly think of as being so well-prepared for snow (something I am likely to bitch about when UK roads are unplowed and sidewalks unshoveled) was so lacking in it.

[cosmolinguist]

Aw, glad it worked out after all that.

This year was as smooth as could be for us. I'm very grateful :)