Touch a spider

[cosmolinguist]

It's a testament to how well done this Hyperbole and a Half on depression is that I've seen it linked to by several friends already, and not all people who know each other.

I think it's really good because it's a brave thing to do, own up to something like "I spent months shut in my house, surfing the internet on top of a pile of my own dirty laundry which I set on the couch for "just a second" because I experienced a sudden moment of apathy on my way to the washer and couldn't continue. And then, two weeks later, I still hadn't completed that journey."

Sometimes when I'm cleaning something that's needed cleaning for far too long, I get this feeling of...kind of exhiliration at how satisfying it is, and I want to tell everybody, but I never do because I refuse to talk about how bad things had gotten in the first place. But the high is never so sweet to anyone who doesn't know about the juxtaposition of the low, and sometimes the high is just "not being a biohazard" so there's a certain amount of shame keeping me from wanting to make that a big deal.

And to see something like this, and recognize the spilled things and the wrappers of stuff everywhere, and everything within arm's reach of the laptop, resonates in that same way. To see someone (even a cartoon depiction of someone) in a situation I so regularly find myself in, in which I usually feel not just alone but the worst person in the world, alone for good reason, tugs at my heartstrings. It really does.

I'm still waiting for my latest tiny rebellion. I've forgotten what

feels like. But if I can see the trajectory for how someone got from here to there, it makes me feel better than any amount of well-meaning sympathy from people who don't know what to say. Those people do help, and I'm touched at their concern, but most them know as well as I do that there's not a lot they can do.

It's funny how one person drawing a picture of laundry on the couch does so much.