Not Coming Out

[cosmolinguist]

Apparently today is National Coming Out Day in the U.S. and tomorrow is in the UK.

There are lots of great resources for coming out (here's one for bisexual people), and I can see the value of a day calling attention to the support and services that are available.

But I am also thinking of the people who aren't out, who don't want to be or can't be, who are still scared or dependent on homophobic, biphobic, or transpohbic people for their jobs, shelter, or other important stuff. I'm thinking of the people who don't want to make a big song and dance of it and prefer to keep these things private; that's cool too.

Coming out is a good thing. But not coming out is good too. Whatever you're doing today (or tomorrow), I hope you can do what you choose and feel good about that.

Comments

[thebustocrookes.livejournal.com]

Interesting.

Its nice that things are being talked about (like the Mental Health Day yesterday), but I dunno how much they help.

This may be a bad example, but do you remember a day about four years ago, shortly after Gorgon Brown became PM, when a lot of MPs (including cabinet ministers) admitted to various "indiscretions" (soft drug use etc)? There was a little fuss, but a lot less than if they'd all done it individually - it was a way of "wiping the slate clean".

Now, I'm not equating being gay/bi (etc) to something that is (currently) illegal, but it does make me wonder what the reaction would be if everyone came out at the same time, safety in numbers, and we could then just get on with life, without any rumours/ nastiness?

It'll never happen, and I'm being naive, but its a bit like the lack of "out" professional sportsmen - nobody wants to be the first - but if a dozen came out at once then there'd b e a lot less fuss.

And, like you, I totally respect those wanting to stay "in" - the world needs some secrets - its not so easy for some people (hence my comments about Carlisle Pride etc - fine to come out in a big city, but a whole different world if you are in a small town

(this comment is far too long!)

[haggis.livejournal.com]

I completely agree that being out is generally a good thing, it's definitely been good for my mental health and forms a teeny bit of activism that I do regularly. However, my experiences of coming out have been voluntary, under my control and universally positive. That's not the case for everyone and for some people, staying in the closet is the right choice, for them at that point in their life. However, there is a lot of rhetoric around coming out that suggests that if you are not loudly out to everyone in your life, you are either secretly ashamed of your identity or you are deceitful/untrustworthy/diseased. That's rubbish and it's really unfair to a group who are inherently, unlikely to be able to access support or challenge those stereotypes about themselves.

[thebustocrookes.livejournal.com]

I agree with you - its not something that everyone wants to discuss openly - a "one size fits all" would never work. There are plenty things I am into that I wouldn't want to share with (all) friends/family (which is why I find Facebook worrying, trying to be all things to all people).

[haggis.livejournal.com]

Sorry, failed to read your last paragraoh! So consider me agreeing with you at length, rather than lecturing you!

[plumsbitch.livejournal.com]

you rock. <3

[cosmolinguist]

Thank you!