Oh dammit

[cosmolinguist]

I should be, if anything, surprised only that my grandpa is still with us.

He had serious heart surgery when I was in college, and was diagnosed with dementia too. Something crazy like eight or ten years ago now.

Still he soldiers on, stubbornly insisting there's hardly anything wrong with him (which probably does him good, really).

Except now my mom called and said she's driving him to the hospital some time today. She sounded so solemn on the phone I feared the news would be worse than that. It's oddly non-urgent, giving my grandparents time to get upset and lose their appetites. "I think he knows," my mom said, "if he goes into the hospital this time, he won't come back out again."

I was fine until she said that. I've been crying ever since.

I grew up nearby so I saw my grandparents all the time, at least once a week, until I graduated high school. I've missed them almost as much as my parents since. I remember my grandpa play-fighting with my brother, cooking hamburgers, taking us fishing, complaining about how badly Minnesota's baseball and football teams are doing... he's not perfect, he's just a person, but he's one of mine, and after so long on such long odds I thought maybe I could just keep him forever.

Comments

[sfred]

*hugs*
Thinking of you.

[cosmolinguist]

He loves Christmas as well, and the reason I'm so insistent on spending ridiculous amounts of money going back for it every year is to spend Christmas Eve at my grandparents', with him handing out the presents, in mock surprise that any of us deserve any.

[uglybuffy.livejournal.com]

So sorry. I still miss my grandpa.

[bloodbeauty.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[haggis.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. Is it possible your mum is just venting because she's worried too?

[cosmolinguist]

It's certainly possible -- likely, even -- that my mom is exaggerating in a negative direction; she's prone to that. It's also guaranteed that she's not in full possession of the facts, and she is a very clever person but not a very educated one so she struggles with details and terms in medical situations. She'll be getting this information from my grandma too, to whom these things definitely apply as well, so it's like I'm playing Telephone with these noisy links between me and whatever signal comes from the doctors.

But still my grandpa is old and has been very unwell for a long time. There are only so many ways this can go, and while I don't necessarily believe my mom about him not coming out of the hospital -- I imagine she's trying to prepare for the worst-case scenario -- it wasn't very fun to hear her say it anyway.

[goodqueenmolly.livejournal.com]

*love* and *hugs* You know where we are if you need us.

[spacegirlkate.livejournal.com]

*giant hugs* and fingers crossed for good news

[mrs-leroy-brown.livejournal.com]

Sending my love, as ever.
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