cosmolinguist | Trans open mic (Reply)

I had awful dreams last night, so even though I slept a lot I woke up exhausted and struggled to get over the unsettled discomfort they left me with.

But the weather was lovely -- it hit 80°F today and the sky was perfectly blue -- and I went to the pride dog show with D. We walked around the area nearer where I used to live and rarely go to any more, stopping for lunch at a new Lebanese place that was really lovely.

It was too hot for me to bother with a binder so I wore a tiny tank top and just dealt with giving off the wrong gender signals, bit it did make my dysphoria worse which wasn't good to add to a bad-brain day. It did help a little when I told D this and he told me that the the baby queers we'd met on the bus last weekend and helped to get to trans pride, who we'd run in to just before the dog show started, had been checking out my chest and said "I think it did him some good to see you rocking that look as they sweltered in the sunshine in a baggy hoodie to obscure their body shape." That did make me feel a lot better. I benefited so much in my 20s from knowing people in their 40s who didn't give a fuck, I'd be delighted if I can pass on that gift to others.

After resting a little bit at home, D and I went back for the trans open mic night. My pal the organizer had been worried no one would sign up which is why I was committed to doing so, even though I'm not much of a performer. But when I got there it was well-attended and there was a little queue of people waiting to sign up.

On the way we'd found the other baby queer from last week, who also wanted to read his own poetry. They were fabulous, getting lots of laughs and applause, and two people who I don't think they knew came over to hug them afterward. And I have his contact details to send him the video he asked me to take of his set, so it'll be easier to keep in touch. They were saying we should go for a coffee or something too and I wholeheartedly agree.

After another singer it was my turn. I read a short thing I had recently written about second puberty in your 40s (riffing off something my friend said on Facebook, so I feel like he wrote half that one!), my old trans/disability thing (which sorely needs an update, something I realized only part way through reading it out loud on a stage, oops) and the poem for Bat. People were very nice and I felt amazing after I'd done it. I was so glad that I had.