Once again, resisting the thing I want

[cosmolinguist]

I mentioned on FB that I'll be off Monday and Wednesday this week, asking if people wanted to hang out or could suggest other things I can do.

And a friend I was just saying, on Tuesday, that I haven't seen in ages and I should go see and not just wait for them to come here, got in touch saying they have the day off and I should visit.

Yay. Or should be. Then when I was thinking about how to get there from the train station, and just getting a train to another (nearby! sorta familiar!) town, I started to feel really overwhelmed and I haven't exactly stopped in the several hours since.

This is what I want! More socializing, more friends. And to do it I have to leave my fucking house! Which I also like doing! I like trains!

I feel so miserable at the thought of traveling on my own for fun, and that's so disheartening.

I will be fine, I just need to suck it up and do it. And I will. But I'm sad it has been made so difficult, by my own traitorous brain, to do things that I decided I want to do.

Comments

[diffrentcolours]

Travelling is a lot more risky and a lot less pleasant than it used to be, when you'd regularly travel over the Pennines to see much worse people. It's understandable. I look forward to you having a nice time once you do go though.

(Is this another type of fun? Terrible in advance but is OK at the time & afterwards?)

[cosmolinguist]

This is so wise and you are good.

Are we gonna call this Type 4 fun? :)

[otter]

I can so relate to this. Please have fun tomorrow :)

[ex_amphetamine428]

A couple weeks ago I visited a friend's house and felt the same way, I was very glad I pushed myself through afterward though. Hoping it works out the same for you and for safe and smooth travels!

[cosmolinguist]

It went exactly as you'd hoped, thank you!

[lagertha_the_warrior]

Dang, sounds rough, I'm hoping you have some good travels anyway and you make it to the other end!

[forests_of_fire]

man, I know this mood. :/ I hope you can kick the anxiety in the ass and enjoy your day.

[cosmolinguist]

I did! Thank you :)

[silveradept]

At least to me, it sounds like the issue is that the transportation will be difficult, inaccessible, unhelpful, and stressful, but the hanging out will be fun.