[93/365] sorry I'm just complaining today

[cosmolinguist]

I had barely gotten signed in to work today before the anxiety spike headache appeared.

And that's with me apologizing for a thing I messed up at the end of last week and my manager being reassuring about it.

I have so much to do I couldn't make myself do any of it. I got some good personal news (in a way it's a very minor thing, but in another way it's very major) which was extremely surprising, and the combination of the surprise and the sense in which it's major combined to give me one of those anxiety attacks that comes from the good kind of overwhelm. It is no less unpleasant an experience for being related to something good though. And it left me just as exhausted afterwards.

This week is just going to be really hard.

I tried to do some non-work stuff to help myself feel like I'd accomplished something. I went to buy gardening stuff with mother_bones, carried some bags of topsoil around, rinsed the dirt from the repointing off the garden furniture and other stuff... It was our second day in a row of lovely weather, clear skies and mid-50s, so I was happy to find excuses for outdoor chores.

Around this, I tried to get enough done today that Tomorrow Me doesn't hate Current Me when he has turned into Past Me. But it was so, so difficult.

And I made dinner. And D and I made a big list of things we need to sort out before and during our Minnesota trip. We'll be there in a week. I cannot fucking believe it. It still feels so unreal. So stressful too. But I'm excited to show D my life from before he met me.

My parents were back to their usual selves on Skype last night. "Dad and I were hoping we could convince you to go to our favorite restaurant. We think you'd really like it." I asked if you can sit outside. Dad said no. I said "well, no then." Mom did explicitly say this time that they'll put up with whatever they need to, to see me. They've just gotta argue first. Gotta keep trying to make everyone the same as them. I won't particularly like the restaurant. I wonder if they'll even have anything I can eat there. This was a whole thing too; Mom was telling me I can just eat potatoes and vegetables in the meals she's planning on making, and I said "and some protein, I'll bring stuff." Dad asked what I eat so I explained about meat-free analogues of burgers and chicken and everything. Mom was so weird about it, saying she wouldn't like it and "I need my meat!" I'm not trying to make her eat it! I'll make my own stuff to go along with her roasts or whatever, it's fine! I'm deliberately going to get protein that'll fit in with her meals, not making my own meals (like curry or stir fry or whatever) that are totally incompatible!

The whole conversation was so tiring and unpleasant.

Comments

[redbird]

I'm sorry your parents are being difficult. You're not being vegetarian at them, though based on this description, I wouldn't blame you for doing so.

[packbat]

That sounds most difficult - sympathies!

[tarasacon]

ugh. It’s so frustrating when people take one’s dietary needs/choices as some sort of Incompressible Thing. Even more so when it’s family.

I will be keeping my fingers crossed and sending tons of good wishes to my North (north-north-west?) while you are in the country.

[silveradept]

I'm sorry your parents are being difficult and argumentative instead of accepting what's needed for you and D to be there.

Anxiety spikes over good things are still no fun. Hopefully you were about to get things to calm down.

[forests_of_fire]

-sighs- Parents.

I'm sorry. I hope your trip isn't too full of that crap.