[206/366] end of this hoop-jumping CBT
Jul. 24th, 2020 08:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cosmolinguistI'm free of my bullshit CBT!
Today's was actually the least bad appointment because in the final questionnaires I was finally listened to when I said this was stuff I already knew and was already doing as well as I could. I still did a little people-pleasing accentuating-the-positive and she did a little hearing-what-she-wants-to-hear, but it felt useful.
She was able to confess, when the questionnaire asked me what I thought about the choice of CBT for my therapy and I said something like "well I would've liked to know what else was available and why CBTwwas chosen for me," that there isn't anything else but CBT at this point. If you're rich you can pay for private counseling of whatever type you want; if you're poor you pay in time. At least I knew all this, so I don't have surprise or dismay to manage.
I can self-refer for more therapy in a couple weeks when I've been officially discharged, and she helped send the message in my notes not to give me more CBT because I already know that stuff and I'm already doing it as well as I can. Coming from her will probably work better than me saying the same thing, so I'm grateful she did that.
This all started two and a half hours earlier than all my other appointments had, at 8:45, and I'd had less than five hours of broken sleep so I already felt awful. And this afternoon was draining and frustrating and sad for reasons I won't get into. I was exhausted by mid-afternoon so I've had takeaway and cheering stuff to watch (the introduction of Jodrell Bank's online version of the Blue Dot festival featured some stuff I'd actually seen when I was there for Public Service Broadcasting in 2018!) and I'm planning on a luxuriously early bedtime.
Today's was actually the least bad appointment because in the final questionnaires I was finally listened to when I said this was stuff I already knew and was already doing as well as I could. I still did a little people-pleasing accentuating-the-positive and she did a little hearing-what-she-wants-to-hear, but it felt useful.
She was able to confess, when the questionnaire asked me what I thought about the choice of CBT for my therapy and I said something like "well I would've liked to know what else was available and why CBTwwas chosen for me," that there isn't anything else but CBT at this point. If you're rich you can pay for private counseling of whatever type you want; if you're poor you pay in time. At least I knew all this, so I don't have surprise or dismay to manage.
I can self-refer for more therapy in a couple weeks when I've been officially discharged, and she helped send the message in my notes not to give me more CBT because I already know that stuff and I'm already doing it as well as I can. Coming from her will probably work better than me saying the same thing, so I'm grateful she did that.
This all started two and a half hours earlier than all my other appointments had, at 8:45, and I'd had less than five hours of broken sleep so I already felt awful. And this afternoon was draining and frustrating and sad for reasons I won't get into. I was exhausted by mid-afternoon so I've had takeaway and cheering stuff to watch (the introduction of Jodrell Bank's online version of the Blue Dot festival featured some stuff I'd actually seen when I was there for Public Service Broadcasting in 2018!) and I'm planning on a luxuriously early bedtime.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-24 08:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-07-25 08:33 am (UTC)