[206/366] end of this hoop-jumping CBT

[cosmolinguist]

I'm free of my bullshit CBT!

Today's was actually the least bad appointment because in the final questionnaires I was finally listened to when I said this was stuff I already knew and was already doing as well as I could. I still did a little people-pleasing accentuating-the-positive and she did a little hearing-what-she-wants-to-hear, but it felt useful.

She was able to confess, when the questionnaire asked me what I thought about the choice of CBT for my therapy and I said something like "well I would've liked to know what else was available and why CBTwwas chosen for me," that there isn't anything else but CBT at this point. If you're rich you can pay for private counseling of whatever type you want; if you're poor you pay in time. At least I knew all this, so I don't have surprise or dismay to manage.

I can self-refer for more therapy in a couple weeks when I've been officially discharged, and she helped send the message in my notes not to give me more CBT because I already know that stuff and I'm already doing it as well as I can. Coming from her will probably work better than me saying the same thing, so I'm grateful she did that.

This all started two and a half hours earlier than all my other appointments had, at 8:45, and I'd had less than five hours of broken sleep so I already felt awful. And this afternoon was draining and frustrating and sad for reasons I won't get into. I was exhausted by mid-afternoon so I've had takeaway and cheering stuff to watch (the introduction of Jodrell Bank's online version of the Blue Dot festival featured some stuff I'd actually seen when I was there for Public Service Broadcasting in 2018!) and I'm planning on a luxuriously early bedtime.

Comments

[rmc28]

Yay for getting through the damn hoops, and for nice food and bedtime.

[sfred]

I hope you are offered something more useful now.

[cosmolinguist]

Thanks, I hope so too!

[polyfrazzlemented]

Thank goodness. I hope they listen to her.

[cosmolinguist]

Me too!

[steorra]

Glad you're finally done with the useless stuff, hope you can get something better soon.

Also, sympathies on the "less than five hours of broken sleep" - that's the page I'm on today too, although at the other end of the night. I finally got to sleep a bit after six a.m. and had some broken sleep until 11.

[cosmolinguist]

I went to bed early but still wasn't asleep until after 1, and then I looked at the clock around 2:30, and 4:30, and was awake for good by 6.

Hope tonight is better for both of us.

[barakta]

Ugh, I didn't get to sleep till 10:30am and only managed 4.5 hours sleep so sympathies!

Glad counsellor wrote "no moar CBT" on your notes and I hope that works to get you offered something else. CBT is over used, as is fucking mindfulness.

[cosmolinguist]

CBT and mindfulness both work to a certain extent for me, but I've been doing them in various forms for years and they're not enough.

I slept better last night, hope you did too.

[belleweather]

I read CBT as it's semi-popular kink acronym for a second there, and got all the way to "...if you're rich, you can pay for private therapy" in paragraph two before my brain corrected it's self. I am glad that you are not having your (or anyone else's) genitals tortured without consent or choice! Although, the wrong therapy is kind of the same thing for brains, I suppose. :(

[cosmolinguist]

Ah yes, compulsory basic training for motorcycle licenses. :)

[otter]

Now I'm laughing. I'd forgotten about that particular use of that acronym.

[erratio]

Oof, I'm glad that you're not being forced into more unhelpful therapy. Hopefully next time will at least be trying something new.

[cosmolinguist]

Here's hoping!

[jesse_the_k]

Finally!

May your sleep be full of nothing but exactly the right kind of dreams!

[cosmolinguist]

The only dream I remember from last night was about lying awake in bed chatting with diffrentcolours about inconsequential things. It was delightfully boring and cozy.

[otter]

that's the kind of dream I wish on everyone - delightfully boring and cozy.

[cosmolinguist]

I've had a lot of bad dreams lately, including two actual "wake up in a cold sweat" nightmares this week, so boring and cozy was the perfect treat for me.

[silveradept]

Here is hoping that the next round is actually useful instead of more of the useless same.

[cosmolinguist]

I'm optimistic. :)