Bisexual visibility

[cosmolinguist]

Facebook suggested my aunt to me as a "person you may know," so I blocked her because if it's suggesting her to me I worry it's suggesting me to her. And the #BiVisibilityDay frame on my profile picture right now would be enough to give me away even if she doesn't click on my profile. And if she finds out, she will immediately tell my mom.

Happy Bi Visibility Day.

Living so far away and refusing to have anything to do with my family on Facebook mean I've been able to be pretty out. So when I run up against the limits of that visibility, it's jarring and it's disappointing. I still feel like a failed bisexual sometimes, hiding behind apparent heterosexuality.

I try to remind myself that this is a reason bis have worse mental health overall than straight or gay people. I try to remind myself that visibility is a goal rather than a reality, and a community one at that. What we want is for biphobia to be challenged, for people not to be called straight or gay based on the apparent genders in their current relationship. Visibility doesn't want or need every single person to be out, just for society to reach some collective understanding of what life is like for this category of people.

The collective aim of visibility is not my individual responsibility...and if I still need to tell myself that after years and years of bi activism, maybe there are others who could benefit from hearing it too.

Comments

Well ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

Sexuality isn't something you can succeed or fail at. It just is.

Pleasing people can be failed, and people often try to trick each other into thinking that people-pleasing is really something else. But it's still just approval. It's not identity.

Even if people think you're heterosexual, it's their mistake, not your identity. At most, it's your cover story if you encourage it, which may sometimes be the safer route.

[norfolkian]

Sending hugs your way. x

[mrs_leroy_brown]

I still feel like a failed bisexual sometimes, hiding behind apparent heterosexuality.

Uff da, this. It's a source of combo annoyance/guilt that I am (mostly)always read as straight (esp at work apart from my LGBT+ staff network folk). I have added a rainbow badge to my lanyard and my hair is butcher than ever and yet...:(

[barakta]

This sounds hard.

There's no such thing as a failed bisexual! Or failed any other sexuality. But I do get you about having to hide, but that's picking battles and survival which are important - not everyone has the PRIVILEGE to be out...

Sending love.

[silveradept]

Happy visibility day. We are sorry that you can't be as a visible to everyone that you would like to be.

[establishingaplace]

I still feel like a failed bisexual sometimes, hiding behind apparent heterosexuality.

I sometimes feel the same. I've been with my dude for going on 8 years. My last relationship was 6+ years with a woman. I'm still the same bisexual lady I was back then but feel substantially less queer, and most people don't get it.

Also challenging is that when I was with a woman it was assumed I was gay. Now it is assumed I am straight. People who know me know otherwise. But how do you be visible without walking around with a megaphone? I feel like I should be doing something - not for me but for others out there.