Furniture feelings

[cosmolinguist]

I have just had to take books off unsalvagable shelves and shuffle them around already-full shelves elsewhere.

So I am having feelings about our furniture. It's all (except the dining table) inherited: left in the house, given us by friends or family. Some isn't really fit for the purpose I've put it to, or it's falling apart, or both.

Money isn't quite the limiting factor now that it was when we moved in, now what's holding me back is that thinking about what actually would work is just too bewildering and overwhelming.

I am, weirdly, ashamed of this? Of not getting it right, of not magically knowing from the start what I want and doing everything perfectly all along. Of, I guess, not living in the nice comfortable home I grew up in and not knowing how to.

I don't feel comfortable, mind. It's something I associate with more middle-classness than I have. I feel like I'm disappointing my parents.

They're visiting soon, that's probably what all these feels are.

Comments

[kaberett]

... I actively enjoy working out what furniture fits in which space and how it all tesselates and finding things in charity shops/Freecycle/etc; if any of that skillset/interest might be of use to you I'd be happy to help. <3

[cosmolinguist]

You'd be very welcome to do any of that! <3

[ivy]

I think finding *a* thing you like is perfectly sufficient; you don't have to get The Shelves That Match Your Entire Future Of Unforeseeable Shelving Needs. What do you think is pretty? Wood or metal? Bright or dark? I have three generations of bookshelves in my place and they don't match at all and nobody cares. The most recent ones made me furious (they arrived far less finished than advertised), but I fixed them myself and now I love them to pieces, even if they match nothing else I own.

[cosmolinguist]

Oh I don't expect anything to match (I think I'd be a bit spooked if they did) but just...knowing what will fit, what will solve the problems I have, what I can afford. Mostly this is a kitchen problem rather than a books problem; books are pretty easy really. It was just triggered yesterday by having to move books.

Well ...

[ysabetwordsmith]

I can't help with the family feels much. I do have experience with furniture juggling and bookcase issues. The two most promising models seem to me:

1) Replace one bookcase at a time, in order of decrepitude. This is easiest on budget and produces a manageable workload for most folks. You have the option of upgrading to a sturdier base quality of shelving if you wish. The downside is it may not be exactly what you need.

2) Strip out all the old bookcases and redo all at once with matching ones. Even if you can't afford custom built-in bookcases, matching ones deliver a similar effect. You can stock the room for maximum storage efficiency this way. Unfortunately it is a lot more work and expense.

In either case, you may find it helpful to count some books and estimate how many boardfeet of storage space you need (allowing for some expansion of the collection later) for that. Then you can play around with where you could put that many bookcases. Sometimes it helps to make little rectangles and move them around a map of the room.

A really important point: doing any part of this counts as Doing A Thing. If it's hard mental effort for you, make that the major project of your day and then give yourself a treat after it's done. Do another part on a different day. Moving books is a big project, most people need to break it down. Last major one we did, there were four of us redesigning a spare room into a library, and it still took several days to haul the books out, decide on bookcases, obtain and assemble them, and reload them.

Regardless of how you got here, and what's in it, this is your place now. You decide what to do with it. If you don't like it, change it. If you don't like that, think about why not and tweak it again. You'll figure it out eventually, even if it's unfamiliar and takes you a few attempts to find what feels comfortable.

Re: Well ...

[cosmolinguist]

A really important point: doing any part of this counts as Doing A Thing.

That is really important. I've pretty much tackled books (partly by giving myself another problem which is Clothes, but that'll be fixed as soon as I can bring myself to spend money on a big chest of drawers but that's hard mental work too) but my kitchen needs a lot of this kind of attention, since all I did was stash things away when we moved in, thinking "I'll organize this when I properly unpack" and then I never have.

[ewt]

Aside: I have been in the UK for 18 years and have never lived in a house that isn't cluttered and cramped and over-furnished by the standards of Western Canada, where houses and rooms are simply bigger than they are here. Some of it is that I have lots of books and lots of instruments and a bunch of different clothing styles for different contexts and so on, but some of it is that there simply isn't that much space. Someone I follow was recently searching for apartments in Boston and gave measurements for a dining room she described as "small" that were about the same as our double bedroom which also contains two wardrobes, a dressing table, two tall bookshelves that are sagging under the weight of double-spaced books, and some other storage (IKEA Kallax shelves turned to storage for folded clothes, which don't fit into the wardrobes and don't need hanging up), oh and a bed... I find that when I am frustrated about furniture, I am usually actually frustrated about rooms being about 30% smaller than I expect them to be.

Furniture itself: I really like the IKEA Kallax shelves that are 4 cubes by 2 cubes. They can be used either way up, they can be freestanding, they can be used as shelves or there are boxes that can go inside, they're pretty sturdy. Not quite ideal for smaller books but actually not bad for big ones; but the main thing I like about them is the flexibility, not feeling locked into one use. Maybe it's because I've been renting so long, and expect to move again at some stage? Anyway YMMV but if you're having trouble deciding what you actually need they may be a good option.

Parental visit: commiserations.

[cosmolinguist]

This is a good point too: my parents' house has tons of space and huge rooms. And a basement and an attic! I think I'm feeling bad partly because I'm comparing myself to that, and I will just never have here what they have because they live on a farm. The bigger the house is, the less lawn they have to mow and money/need is the only constraint there's ever been on the size of their house. I think they feel sorry for me having to live in such a house as this and impending visits make me see it through their eyes and just make myself miserable.

Maybe it's because I've been renting so long, and expect to move again at some stage?

We own this house but that's after a lot of years of renting and I think I've left problems like Books and Kitchen and Clothes shamefully long because I'm used to them being replaced in a few years by whatever new problem the new place has. But we're staying here so...if I leave the problems they just stay here.

[momentsmusicaux]

I think I know what you mean. We've been in our house over four years now, and we've hardly put any things on the walls. I love the idea of having framed posters, postcards, etc on the walls, but I don't know how to get them in the right place to look good and I dread getting it wrong.

[jesse_the_k]

Your parents visiting soon, that's probably what all these feels are insight is 100% accurate.

I have been there, too many times.

It's your house now. If they don't approve of it, they can leave. And, conveniently, they will leave in any case.

Best wishes.

[norfolkian]

I've had similar with a lot of the stuff in this house. It's taken us 5 years to finally redecorate and we are only just replacing the bed that came with the house - a rickety wooden frame, that is god knows how old.

I nearly had a meltdown when I had to choose paint colours for the house! But it is actually looking quite good now. I might make a blog post about it soon.