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cosmolinguistFrom a young age I knew my parents had gone to a lot of extra effort to get me, and I was very touched by this. I still am. It was made clear to me that not everyone would have chosen this the way they did, though they didn't see it as a choice. They were told by a lot of the people who knew them -- people who, I am sure, now know and are at least polite to me -- to give me back. To not go through with adopting me, because a blind child would be too much work.
My parents said "Absolutely not. You wouldn't give your child back, would you?" Well that's different, they would say. "No it's not," Mom and Dad said.
At various points in my life my awareness of this has taught me a lot of different things. That I am completely loved, and well looked after.... so much that I still can't really grok the horrendous childhoods people are capable of having.
That your people are your people, no matter how much work they might be or how "imperfect" they are.
And one I only realized when I was thinking about this last night: when I was young, stories taught me that good people get rewarded and bad people get punished. So I figured the reason I could see a little when I got older was as some kind of reward to my parents for sticking with me. Things did get at least a little easier for them when I wasn't totally blind any more.
It sounds silly now, but it made total sense then. That's just how it would happen in the stories: good people would face adversity, learn to deal with it, and then be rewarded by it being taken away after all.
To some extent I think "t'was blnd but now I see" also taught me something that wasn't true: that there's a reason for everything. I don't thnk so now, but it hugely informed my thinking as a child and a teenager. I don't know if it's more probably called an imagining or a belief but I liked to think that I got some sight back because there was something particular I was "meant" to see. I remember looking around my bedroom, reading a book, doing whatever I was doing, and thinking I would one day see something special. I had no idea what. It could be anything, anywhere...
Maybe that's why I think the universe is always this amazing now.
My parents said "Absolutely not. You wouldn't give your child back, would you?" Well that's different, they would say. "No it's not," Mom and Dad said.
At various points in my life my awareness of this has taught me a lot of different things. That I am completely loved, and well looked after.... so much that I still can't really grok the horrendous childhoods people are capable of having.
That your people are your people, no matter how much work they might be or how "imperfect" they are.
And one I only realized when I was thinking about this last night: when I was young, stories taught me that good people get rewarded and bad people get punished. So I figured the reason I could see a little when I got older was as some kind of reward to my parents for sticking with me. Things did get at least a little easier for them when I wasn't totally blind any more.
It sounds silly now, but it made total sense then. That's just how it would happen in the stories: good people would face adversity, learn to deal with it, and then be rewarded by it being taken away after all.
To some extent I think "t'was blnd but now I see" also taught me something that wasn't true: that there's a reason for everything. I don't thnk so now, but it hugely informed my thinking as a child and a teenager. I don't know if it's more probably called an imagining or a belief but I liked to think that I got some sight back because there was something particular I was "meant" to see. I remember looking around my bedroom, reading a book, doing whatever I was doing, and thinking I would one day see something special. I had no idea what. It could be anything, anywhere...
Maybe that's why I think the universe is always this amazing now.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-16 12:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-16 02:03 pm (UTC)Also I love that icon! It's totally transfixed me. I'm looking at it as I type.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-16 02:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-16 02:27 pm (UTC)Apparently I am a sucker for Andromeda.