A tendency to deprave and corrupt

[cosmolinguist]

Okay, it was funny to contemplate what would have to be hidden in our house before my parents get here tomorrow morning (Andrew even helpfully looked at the bookshelves to make sure things like Alan Moore's history of pornography were not too obvious on the shelves). But it's also bothering me in some ways that are decidedly unfunny.

First of all, it's more than just a few books, a stray valentine card, and some paraphrenalia from the Lib Dems' LGBT group or Biphoria that needs to be tucked away (though I've left the rainbow-colored "Love counts more than gender" postcard in the corner of our corkboard that has been its home; an inexplicable sociological experiment on my part).

It's people.

Last time my parents were here, I was functionally if not theoretically monogamous. Not letting them know about my multi-relationship predelictions was like not telling them I fancy girls sometimes: what they don't know doesn't hurt me. But now that I have two actual boyfriends, whose status if not whose existence (they've both said they'd like to meet my parents... which I suppose is fair enough after I've gone on about them so much) I have to conceal, it's hit me a lot harder than it did back when it was just one of many things I don't talk about with my parents. (Yes i've been home a few times since i acquired these boyfriends, but not slipping up is easier there, and not just because there's no chance of them being around so there's no chance of me forgetting to curb my instinct to hold hands or say" or whatever. It's also because it's so easily to slide back into the mindset I had when I lived there, and all that time I was not only blissffully unaware of polyamory, but unable to get even one date in the first place.)

Dan and Stuart could not be more lovely and understanding about this; they both accept the situation and seem unfazed. But this just makes me feel that little bit more guilty for having to suppress their loveliness for the week and a half or so that we'll have to pretend to be just friends. They mean a lot to me, and so do my parents, and it doesn't seem right for this relationship to be a one-way mirror: where the boyfriends see the parents clearly but are not themselves seen, at least not as what they really are.

This isn't all I have to watch out for this week. I am unhappily reminded of my mom reacting so badly to the fact that one of my high school friends was gay -- looking very nervous whenever I said I was going to the movies with a group that included him, or going to a party at his house, repeatedly pointing out that he'd be "the girl" in his relationships (which is even more infuriating for being completely unfounded, even though that shouldn't be the point) -- that I just stopped telling her about them after that. A couple of years later she thought I made encouraging noises whenever anything came on the TV news about gay marriage only because of this one gay friend of mine.

The only non-straight person I know.

Yeah. The chasm grows ever wider, and I know that children are meant to go their separate ways from their parents, but still I love them and I'm sad to see them recede into the distance.

Comments

[miss-s-b.livejournal.com]

* snuggle *

It's a tough thing. I wish I had something more useful to say...

[cosmolinguist]

Understanding helps. Advice I don't expect, snuggles work better anyway :)

::snuggles::

[trialia]

I know how you feel, I think. I've never been out as poly to my dad - he has a hard enough time dealing with the fact that I am gay, let alone anything else! Good luck.

[doctorstewie.livejournal.com]

It bothers me not a whit (There's a word I don't use often) that we can't be out to your parents love. I know why it's the case, and I don't need the affirmation :-) It touches me that you care enough to wory about it though. Try not to on my account, at least. I wish I could make it matter less for you. I am really looking forward to meeting the though :-)

[cosmolinguist]

Thank you, darling. It does help a lot that you're totally fine about it, and I am not usually bothered myself, but sometimes it just hits me what a shame it is that you, who are so important to me and so good for me, who add so much to my happiness, cannot be known for what you are to my parents who are so concerned about that happiness. That's all :)