Contest

[cosmolinguist]

I'm doing wedding invitations today.

My mom, happily, doesn't want to do the whole Mr. & Mrs. David request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter... thing. But she does want to say some cheesy thing about two hearts joining as one or something like that.

I wish to avoid this. But I can't think of any good alternatives. Help me, O LiveJournal!

(Edit: By the way, I also need some fairly tactful way to say "Don't buy us stuff. Save yourselves the pain in the ass of shopping and us the pain in the ass of shipping, by not buying us stuff." My mom is so worried that the mere notion will be offensive that I have to be all pretty about it, and I'm probably not allowed to say "ass" anyway.)

Comments

[irkthepurist.livejournal.com]

well we're getting the sentimental bit sorted by the illustrations sarah's mum is going to do i think so the actual content won't be too soppy but the actual form of the thing will be - if you follow me?

[kalieris.livejournal.com]

Hee... I'm getting visions of a lovely, flowery invitation with "Precious Moments" style bride and groom in the center, with the legend "Bring presents, you fuckers, or don't bother."

I would SO do that.

[irkthepurist.livejournal.com]

well it's more going to be dancing pixies and elf things as sarah's mum is far too into her tolkein for someone of her age, but we can cope with that. she's a great artist so that measures out the whimsy for me. i think it'll work out as a reasonably healthy balance in the end

[kalieris.livejournal.com]

Is there a way to do one set of invitations for your mom to send out, and another set for you to send? She probably thinks that family and friends of her generation will think less of her if she lets you send invitations to them that don't include conjoined hearts, so let her have fun with it. And then make ones that *don't* embarrass the heck out of you, to send to the people who you actually care about. Everyone wins, as much as there is such a thing in wedding planning.

[cosmolinguist]

I'm actually doing the invitations myself on the computer; I could do two different types. I like your suggestion (sans the Precious Moments), and I like Andrew's too (further down this page). And since I am doing everything, envelopes and all, my mom wouldn't even necessarily notice ...

[etoilepb.livejournal.com]

I think it should be simple.

Holly (yourlastname)

and

Andrew (hislastname)

in conjunction with their families

cordially invite you to

(whatever)

at

(whenever, whenever time)

[cosmolinguist]

I like simple a lot. I was hoping for simple-without-boring, but I think that's impossible. Simple is a lot better than something fancy and stupid that I'll cringe at later. (Where "later" will probably start as soon as "by the time the printer's printed half of them.)

[j4.livejournal.com]

I'd just go for something simple like "You are invited to join us in celebrating the marriage of Holly [surname] and Andrew [surname]" ...

How do you feel about actual hearts appearing on the invitation? I mean, would two hearts at the top or bottom satisfy your mom's need for cheese but keep it sensible enough for you?

Like that ^ only, like, classy.

[cosmolinguist]

Actually, I really like the ASCII hearts. :-) I don't mind the existence of that sort of thing, but I guess I should've been clearer: we have actual invitations (blank paper with embossed vines or flowers or something on them), so I just need to figure out what words to put on them.

But now I want ASCII hearts, too!

[j4.livejournal.com]

In that case, how would it be if you let your mom choose the wording for the Scary Formal Invitation (or rather the Gloopy Cheesy Invitation) and sent a different invitation (or an extra bit of paper to stick in the middle of the formal ones) with your chosen wording (and, if you like, ASCII hearts!) to your friends? Or is that just making even more faff/work/etc.?

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

ASCII art on a wedding invitation would be awesome. There should be an ASCII bride and groom on either side of the hearts.

[cosmolinguist]

You going to draw them for me? I'm no good at ASCII art.

But, knowing the Internet, I bet it already exists somewhere...

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

I'm not that good with ASCII art, either. It seems to be a dying art, I'm afraid.

I don't need a bouquet, just a percent sign!

[cosmolinguist]

This one isn't too bad:

       ...     _M_
      /( )\    ( )
     / / \ \  / : \
     ~~\%/~~  \|:|/
      /   \    |||
     /,,,,,\   |||  

Or, even better: penguin bride and groom!

       {o_   (O_                
    _- //>   //\           
  _--  U_)_  V_/_  

Re: I don't need a bouquet, just a percent sign!

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

Nice!

Re: I don't need a bouquet, just a percent sign!

[cosmolinguist]

Andrew, of course, disapproves of the penguins. "We are not penguins! Those are only useful for penguin weddings!"

Re: I don't need a bouquet, just a percent sign!

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

To be fair, he does have a point.

Also, Google's sponsored for the email notification is "Original Penguin Clothing", and I thought that amusing enough that I would have posted a comment about it even if I had nothing else to say.

[stealthmunchkin.livejournal.com]

If two hearts joining as one was a good thing, why would they separate Siamese twins?
Although Timelords have two hearts... that'd be cool. Does getting married turn me into a Timelord? Do I get a TARDIS?

[sporksoma.livejournal.com]

I got married, and I neither have two hearts nor am a Timelord.

And if I got a TARDIS, I'd sure like to know where they parked it, and where the goddamned keys are.

Oh, and the wording should be

[stealthmunchkin.livejournal.com]

"Come and watch Holly and Andrew get hitched. There's free food and that."

Re: Oh, and the wording should be

[(Anonymous)]

Seconded!

Re: Oh, and the wording should be

[soltice.livejournal.com]

Seconded!

Re: Oh, and the wording should be

[godplaysdice.livejournal.com]

You know, I tried to get Amanda to go with that one when we got hitched - minus the free food, of course, 'cause we're cheap bastards. I wish you better luck than I had.

Re: Oh, and the wording should be

[stealthmunchkin.livejournal.com]

I'm a cheap bastard too, but Holly's parents are paying ;)

Re: Oh, and the wording should be

[hulagalinthesky.livejournal.com]

Perfect. Great idea. Right to the point.

[godplaysdice.livejournal.com]

Well, when Amanda and I were doing invites we struggled and struggled to find something that wasn't sappy, bland or lame, and in the end gave up and just went with

Jacob Zall and Amanda Sawyer
invite you to share their wedding day
Join them on Saturday, 24th September, 2005
as they exchange vows at the Lobster Buoy Campsite at 1 pm.
There will be a potluck lunch following the ceremony.
Please RSVP by 30th August, 2005

and put a quote from the Pogues' "Rainy Night In Soho" on the front to try to minimize the formality. Best of luck to you in finding something better, or at least convincing your mother that it's your wedding, not hers, and that you really don't want that two hearts nonsense on it.

[cosmolinguist]

You had a potluck wedding? Awesome! My brother's girlfriend suggested this to my mom last week ... but the trouble is, both of them thought it was a joke. I thought it was an awesome idea. But noooo.

I like the idea of a Pogues quote, too.

[dmnsqrl.livejournal.com]

I still think that's a great idea.

My boyfriend looks at me with horror whenever I suggest it, though

[cosmolinguist]

If we do song lyrics, though, it really should be from this song.

[dyddgu.livejournal.com]

I was really confused by the name after Mr & Mrs, 'till I realised that your parents' surname is not Lama... *facepalm*

[cosmolinguist]

David's actually my dad's first name; I just stopped there because, I dunno, I don't really want this to be the sort of thing that would show up if someone Googled my parents' names. :-) But, yes, my surname is not actually Lama. Not yet, anyway! Your confusion makes me giggle.

As far as the "don't buy us stuff" bit is concerned....

[northbyse.livejournal.com]

A really easy way to do it is to say, "No gift is necessary; your presence and company in celebrating with us is gift enough."

People will probably end up bringing you a gift anyway, but at least you will have put it out there that a wedding gift is not expected. Just my $.02.

[showmehowyou.livejournal.com]

I would write: "Money is appreciated, but don't buy us any shit. If you do, we will just return it anyway as cash is the only thing that will be going back to England with us." That would definetly get the point across.

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah. :-) "You know what ships well? A nice big number in my bank account!"

[mooism.livejournal.com]

Make a wedding list at a UK retailer? The guests can do the buying bit over the net, and everything will be delivered to the right side of the Atlantic at no extra charge.

[hulagalinthesky.livejournal.com]

Good idea!

[cosmolinguist]

It is a good idea, if most of my family weren't so clueless or afraid of the Internet.

[mooism.livejournal.com]

And I imagine it would be hard finding a UK retailer that does wedding lists and accepts phone orders from overseas :-| (I just checked John Lewis, but they have an 0845 number.) Not to mention the time difference.

[hulagalinthesky.livejournal.com]

You can suggest that your guests donate money to a charitable cause rather than buying a gift. Even if explicitly asked NOT to bring a gift, I would feel uncomfortable not doing so.

[cosmolinguist]

Donating money is fine (my favorite charity right now is the Deposit on a New Place for Holly and Andrew that Doesn't Have Mice and Holes in the Bathroom Floor). It's a shame it's so hard to convince people they'd actually be doing us a favor by not buying us something ... I'd think that'd be doing them a favor, too, but maybe that's just me projecting my thoughts on shopping onto them.

[sporksoma.livejournal.com]

Our gift to you will be in the form of
[insert funny joke here]