The best movie in the world ever

[cosmolinguist]

I saw the best movie in the world ever with slemslempike yesterday afternoon.

It is called Teresa's Tattoo, and she got it as part of a 2-for-£5 deal at a discount bookshop.

The plot is horrendously, but delightfully, complicated. Let me just say it concerns

• a small, shiny leather(ish) dress
• a Ph.D. math student
• SWAT teams
• kisses between someone who was just Maced and the girl who did it to him
• "KA-POW!" "BOOM!" and suchlike written on the screen, Batman-style, during the fight scene
• a very ugly tattoo
• an untimely death invovling a trampoline and a swimming pool
• title cards with names like "Trouble: Part Deux" with "Deux" pronouced "Dee-ooks", and "Operation: Rescue" where "Rescue" blinked and the narrator repeated it every time it blinked, and one that said "The Cameo" just in case you didn't notice that was Kiefer Sutherland hiding behind that silly hat and huge mustache

And, best of all, holographic earrings that contain the secrets of the U.S. space program for the next 100 years. And the sentence, "How long will it take you to download the information onto a floppy disk?" Which was a proper floppy floppy disk!

Plus, there were so many famous people in it. We watched the opening credits in amazement. Joe Pantoliano! k.d. lang! Lou Diamond Philips! Tippi Hedren! Mary Kay Place! Okay, so neither of us could remember who that was exactly, but both were sure it was a name that we knew. Melissa Etheredge did the original music for the film! She also ended up playing a lesbian hooker! (Ah, does that make her a lesbian who is a hooker ... or a hooker for lesbians? This movie has deep questions like that, as well.) Plus The Cameo, of course. slemslempike called that one right away (perhaps weeks of The Picture Round at the pub quiz has honed her skills for this sort of thing; too bad she's leaving us for Lancaster now). She was also sure that Ph.D.-math-girl's stepbrother was Sean Astin. We watched the closing credits carefully and saw no mention of him, but IMDb provided her vindication, because it was actually him.

Glorious.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which we met everyone else for right after this, seemed anticlimactic in comparison. Johnny Depp being Michael Jackson is no substitute for a new friend and Doritos and Jaffa cakes and the best movie ever.

Comments

[riddley-walker.livejournal.com]

pssssst
what are Jaffa cakes?

[riddley-walker.livejournal.com]

haha. thanks!
now, are we talking British biscuits or southern US biscuits?
believe it or not that has very important spiritual implications.

[riddley-walker.livejournal.com]

oh wait...
that's what you ment by "not biscuits that look like cakes"
gotcha.

[stealthmunchkin.livejournal.com]

I don't think that is what he meant. Jaffa cakes are cakes, but they look like UK biscuits. US biscuits are scones.

The Biscuits UK

[riddley-walker.livejournal.com]

ah, ok now i got it for real.
jaffa cakes are the little cousin of our moon pies (which resemble oversized Biscuits UK and not pies). different filling though. they got it from the fathers family, i'm sure.

thanks for spending the time on my silly connundrum.

Re: The Biscuits UK

[riddley-walker.livejournal.com]

lol, you were being literal.

Re: The Biscuits UK

[cosmolinguist]

I'm glad he said all that stuff, though; I'd never even known that such things existed to be known, before. But historthecrow does or did work in a VAT office, or something, so I suppose he'd be more likely to know these kinds of things. :-)

Re: The Biscuits UK

[elrestodemivida.livejournal.com]

Man, i never knew all this. Fascinating.

I'm not being sarcastic by the way.

[cosmolinguist]

British biscuits, of course. "Cake" is also a slightly more general term here; they're cakes because they're made out of spongy stuff, not because they're frosted and used for birthdays. It's like normal doughnuts being called "cake doughnuts," if that's what they're called where you live, and if it's not, never mind then. :-)

[riddley-walker.livejournal.com]

i'm going to have to go out for a breakfast involving biscuits US doing something un-sconelike now because this thread got me all hungry for it.

do you know moon pies? i don't think they have them around where yr from, but i think that that is the closest i know to jaffa cakes. but bigger and with marshmellow in 'em rather than orange jam.

[elrestodemivida.livejournal.com]

Weird, i was convinced Biscuits U.S. were what we'd call crackers. And i thought that what we'd call scones, you'd call muffins. (And you probably don't have a word for what we call muffins, other than perhaps English muffins.) Someone has been feeding me misinformation! Why, i oughta...

[cosmolinguist]

I don't really think U.S. biscuits are scones. I mean, they sort of look like scones, but scones can be sweet, or have random fruits in them, and you eat them with different things. Biscuits are for having with sausage gravy, or with your KFC fried chicken and potatoes, that kind of thing. I think muffins as scones works a lot better; they seem much more similar to me. And I don't know what you call muffins here, unless that's actually what we call English muffins, which are sort of crumpet-y.

[elrestodemivida.livejournal.com]

Nah, that's crumpets, surely? Muffins are also round, but more like bread, whereas crumpets are spongey and made of batter i think.

I suppose the nearest thing we have to your biscuits must be dumplings..?

Actually, your muffins are just like enormous fairycakes (um, i think you call these cupcakes..?) really, aren't they, whereas scones here are denser and, as you say, sweet, and often have sultanas in, and you eat them with jam. (People tend to like them with butter and clotted cream as well as jam, but i think butter and clotted cream are rank.)

Sorry, you probably know what jam is, but just in case - like what you'd call jelly but not necessarily strained. I like jams with pips in.

Wow, the differences between American English and U.K. English are far more numerous than i ever realised! I wonder what other delights we can discover. Hours of fun! Cordial? Lard? Cinder toffee? Cleg nuts (No, that would just be too disgusting.)

[cosmolinguist]

Jaffa cakes are little round bits of cake with orange filling (like jam) and chocolate on the top.

[riddley-walker.livejournal.com]

english moon pie version?

Re: The Biscuits UK

[riddley-walker.livejournal.com]

actually i liked his comments quite a bit.
sly, absurdist, dry humor with a touch of gesswork involved.
good stuff.