sieben.zwanzig

[cosmolinguist]

Last night Andrew and I saw Richard Herring with his friends (inasmuch as he has friends), one of whom, Miriram, I'd seen before once or twice, last year. "You've changed your hair," she said when she saw me. "So have you," I smiled. Hers was a couple of different colors the last time I saw her but I'm sure those colors weren't black and green.

We sat at the front, Andrew said, because Miriam was hoping to be sexually assaulted by Richard Herring. "Oh," I said. "One of those, is she?"

So after a delightful conversation involving overuse of phrases like "gassy wank," the comedy began. At first it wasn't as good as listening to the people around me talk, but then the second comedian, a Canadian guy, compared skydiving to pap smears, so that was all right.

The fourth one wanted to tell us about a game. Only men can play it, he told us. He looked around for an example and as we were sitting in the front and Andrew's remarkably funny-looking, he pointed at him. "You, sir. Are you two a couple?"

"Yes," Andrew said.

"Do you do nice things for her?"

And of course Andrew, being Andrew, shook his head and said, "No!"

Thereby screwing up the guy's premise. Stupid boy.

He tried again, "Do you ever take her out for a meal?"

Andrew shook his head and said, "No!" again. (He was teling the truth that time, at least. KFC is the epitmoe of "going out for a meal" if you're Andrew. Sigh.)

Then the guy looked at me. "Honestly, I can't see why you're with him."

"For the citizenship!" I grinned. He seemed to like that answer, and when he repeated it, a little ripple of laughter went through the room, with clapping and cheering and everything.

Richard Herring could hardly beat that, but he did make a good try, talking about magpies and putting trouts in people's vulvas. And he asked Miriam if she wanted him to put a trout in her vulva, (and kept at it until she answered ("Yes!" of course)) so she got her sexual harrassment after all.

Comments

[tubewalker.livejournal.com]

Eyeless in Gaza
Trout in Vulva

[paninogirl.livejournal.com]

Haha...kudos to Andrew for foiling a comedian's set. :)

Your comeback line was priceless. If he only knew how true it was... :)

[cosmolinguist]

Well, yeah. I mean, I was almost surprised that anyone laughed, because it's such an old joke (to me; of course they don't konw that, but I forget this sometimes, perhaps because I'm not used to new people any more :-)).

[emyjo.livejournal.com]

Man, you guys really shut down the comedy club. Very nice!

My ex was pretty good at shutting down comedians, though it was never on purpose. Like he'd laugh so loudly (and purposefully so, because it was important to him that people understood what a good time he was having because that automatically meant they'd understand he got the jokes because of what a funny performer he was ) that it really made the performer break character. It was the same at improv. He'd yell stuff out so often and so forcefully that it would make people really dislike him. And he'd grin like an idiot.

[burkesworks.livejournal.com]

And he asked Miriam if she wanted him to put a trout in her vulva

Could be worse. It could have been a herring.

[lollypop-lane.livejournal.com]

When I read stories like that, I am reminded that the average person would have simply answered "Yes!" I find it amusing and sad that my friends and I are so unusual. Not because we are "unusual", but because there are so many "normal" people. Anyway, for all you know,you may have improved his act!

[notmarcie.livejournal.com]

Hello.

I was at dinner last night, or whenever it was.

I know Miriam, I work with her. She used to have blonde and pink hair.

At least, I think it's the same Miriam, there can't be that many Miriams with black and green hair in Manchester.