Here I got again, subjecting an innocent topic to altogether-too-much scrutiny.

[cosmolinguist]

Andrew thinks I don't like spending money, but I think he's mistaken. This is unfortunate, because it leads to me saying, "No! That's not it!" That just confuses him, amd that increases my annoyance, though I was originally annoyed only at my own tendency to be unclear and misleading.

I don't blame him for thinking I'm miserly, though, as it certainly seems that way. Despite what he may think, I don't begrudge Andrew his comics or ice cream, and the only reason I mind the bad movies is that I have to sit through them too. Momentary entertainment and food of dubious nutrional value (or taste value, for that matter) is not how I would choose to spend my money but, as I can rarely come up with a more compellng use for it in those fleeting moments during which we possess it, I understand why the money goes where it goes.

Yet sometimes I'm left with the impression that the quantity of money which held exciting potential has disappeared with seemingly little to show for it, and this is when I get ... not angry, or even sad, but sort of dejected. Andrew, reasonably enough, interprets this as me not liking what we spend money on, and then apologizes a lot. Then I sigh, and he apologizes some more and worries visibly until I (visibly) feel better ... which can sometimes take a while when I'm constantly being asked—with the best of intentions—if I'm all right.

This afternoon we got some KFC (well, he did; since my stomach hadn't been too happy with me, I only ate a piece of his chicken) and he read and I watched people in the food court. I like to watch things. Andrew reads while he's riding the bus or eating or even walking somewhere, but I think about stuff and look at whatever's around me. I didn't see anything special but, as I watched the people, I figured out this money thing. Or at least I think I did.

I told Andrew once that he likes to buy things. I didn't mean he's materialistic ... yet his house is full of things! "I don't need things," he corrected me, "I need information." And it's true: the things are all books, comics, music, and films. They're vehicles for ideas.

I don't mind that in the least. I've always spent my spare money on such things, too (well, not comics, but they're just another vehicle). Here I have less interest in attaining new stuff, because he's got a whole houseful already and much of it's new to me, so I'm content with absorbing that. Yet I acknowledge that he wants new things and don't mind that as such; there's a lot of that attitude in me as well.

But there's also a part of me that wants something besides information, and I decided that something is experiences. Andrew can spend money amazingly quickly; just get him near Forbidden Planet or HMV or Waterstone's (that's comics, music/DVDs, and books, respectively, for those unaware of British franchises) and he'll make short work of it. And then he'll go home to read, watch or listen to everything. And while I don't want to spend all our money on transport (which, on such a limited budget, could happen in relatively few trips), I do like to leave the house just to see what's out there. This is true of me in general, but mow I am, for the first time in my life, (a) in another country and (b) in a decent-sized city. Both of these exciting facts add to my inclination to get out and do things.

Yet, through no fault of our own, this doesn't often happen for Andrew and me. There's a difficulty inherent in the visitor thinking "let's do stuff!" and the native thinking "I like my house". I'd be happy with almost anything, and he'd do anything I wanted, but I don't quite know what to ask, and he doesn't quite know what to offer. I think I like Manchester, but I don't really know it. And I wish I did. I don't know what I can do about this; when bus fare is a noticable dip in your funds, your options are limited from the beginning. I think I'll settle for the intellectual satisfaction I derive from getting this out (I would say "on paper," but it's not ... what is it? "in pixels"?).

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm blaming Andrew (who'll inevitably feel bad when he reads this, but I'll flog him with Twizzlers until he realizes the error of his ways), because he's done nothing wrong. I've not been very helpful, what with grunting noncommitally and staring off into the distance for lack of a better way to explain what I think about this. I didn't know myself what I thought, really. Once again, I find I'm better (I think) at writing than at speaking. The Internet is sort of a silly way to communicate with the other person who lives in your house, but I suppose that's the way things go in this age of technological wonders. And it allows me to continue grunting noncommitally in person, which I like.

Comments

[cosmolinguist]

The "different, but similar" file often has the most interesting stuff in it. And, in my life at least, it's a really giant file, too.

[hephaestos.livejournal.com]

I think I'd look into getting a used bicycle.

[cosmolinguist]

Odd you should mention that; on our way home from the bus stop I noticed a couple of people go past on bikes and thought about mine. My parents, knowing it's the probably the most independently autonomous mode of transportation I'll ever pilot, bought me a really nice bicycle. So I said I missed riding my bike. And Andrew said that if I do end up staying here for some length of time, he'll see about getting me one. He said it's the sort of thing that someone in his family would have but not be using. This is a roundabout way of saying your suggestion is good.

[lyric-splat.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I can empathize with this. At the moment I have a ton of money stashed away and should probably keep it safe to use for college next year, or to buy a new Mac. Something stable and well-planned. But to be honest I'd rather just take off; go to New Zealand for a while and stare at the Kauri trees -- even go to bloody France or Scotland. Just get out and learn the world a bit; I mean, wouldn't that be just as -- if not MORE -- valuable than a shelf-load of books and an iMac?

[lyric-splat.livejournal.com]

ps. And, uh... hi! <:) I'm not quite sure how you found me, but reading through your profile I guess we have a fair bit in common. My sister went to uni up in Manchester too and she tells me it's a brilliant city. A city for people who don't like cities. I'd get out there and see. :)

[cosmolinguist]

Hi. I found you because we have a friend in common. And yeah, I saw a bit of similarity in our situations. (I call them both "chips" most of the time, too.)

[angel-thane.livejournal.com]

Why would you go to KFC, when (assuming Manchester is anything like London) there is probably an independant, and much better chicken and chips place around the corner.

I just saw 'Shaun of the Dead' last night. I'm homesick. I want to go back to Blighty.

[cosmolinguist]

Andrew wanted KFC. And we were across the street from the Arndale, where there is one. You're right in that all the other fried chicken around here seems to come from tiny halal places.

[burkesworks.livejournal.com]

There are many of those in Bradford, doing two pieces of chicken and chips at 99p each, and thus guaranteeing a meal of sludgeguts proportions for less than two quid. Every bit as good, if not better, than KFC. Just don't ask where the chicken comes from though, probably from the same source as Mr. Briss's "special sausage" in The League Of Gentlemen.

[irkthepurist.livejournal.com]

i'm entirely like andrew in terms of why i buy stuff, but i'd never really considered it in those terms before. but i do buy stuff to trigger myself to do my own things. hmmm. that's rather wonderful that i know realise why i buy so much crap - thank you!

that KFC is superb for people watching if it's the one on the top floor of the arndale.. there's a tinier equivalent in leeds, but the manchester one - you can see almost the whole city scurrying about

[cosmolinguist]

that's rather wonderful that i know realise why i buy so much crap - thank you!

That made me laugh. You're welcome (though really it's Andrew you owe the thanks to; I never thought of it like that either).

It was, in fact, the KFC in the Arndale, and you are right about it.

[sporksoma.livejournal.com]

Now you've got *me* thinking, and that's just not any good.

I spend tons of money on making sure that I an constantly and instantly connected/able to large vast quantities of people, and making sure that I always have things to do, but I hate people, and prefer to just sit around playing video games.

Okay I don't hate all people, I just really don't deal well in groups of people in physical company, unless I know them very well (i.e. I'm perfectly comfortable around Andrew so I'll be comfortable around you vicariously). So in other words, I'm going to get a new computer with my student loan. One that won't crash and burn after six months >=( Fucking computer.

I'm sorry, I'll shut up now.

[cosmolinguist]

Everybody has something they spend tons of money on. Even if they don't have tons of money. :-) Perhaps especially if they don't have tons of money. I knew this from my parents (who were all right, until my dad first lost his job when I was ten, and have been sliding backwards, financially speaking, ever since), who would take us out to eat after church on Sunday even when my brother and I were little and ocmplained about it, because it's something they really liked to do, and they don't always do much else. Andrew doesn't care about eating out, but he wants comics. Being poor (relatively speaking, of course) is no fun, and having some good things to take your mind off it is not a bad thing.

I'd go crazy if my computer crashed every six months. :-) I hope you get a good one to replace it.

[sporksoma.livejournal.com]

Instead of buying some cheapass wal mart thing, we're going to get a good dell or gateway that has an excellent warranty program. It will wind up costing us about a thousand dollars, but it is worth it for a good computer with a nice software package.

We just *bought* a bloody computer in February, brand new blasted thing, and it totally crashed and burned and it is now unfixable. Stupid...stupid stuff happening >=(

[cosmolinguist]

I sympathize. The only computer I ever bought off the shelf—well, actually my parents got it for me—only lasted a few months before it started having major hardware issues. I gave it back to them and they got it fixed eventually (it's the computer either they or my brother have now; I can't remember) and it's okay now, but computers should not be that difficult!

Since then, I've used my geeky friends' old cast-off stuff, which is more than good enough for my purposes. And most of that time, I've been using Linux, which is both easy and worth it, so I wasn't even buying or stealing a copy of Windows.

I didn't think a decent desktop, even with the warranty, cost $1000 any more ... but then, like I say, I haven't been paying attention. I suppose if you get fancy stuff, or a bunch of software, (or any kind of laptop), that's easily done.

[sporksoma.livejournal.com]

I'm going to pimp it out. Make sure that it has the dvd drive and dvd burner and cdrw and all the software I can possibly need, and its going to go muchomajor fast. Its going to be a pimp computer.

Either that or I'm going with an Alienware one, which those babies are swwwweeeeettttt.....

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

Andrew's a bloody genius. Information is exactly what I've been buying all this time, too.

And I definitely have to echo the bike idea. Quite a bit cheaper than the bus (especially if you can get one for next to nothing), and good exercise, too.

[cosmolinguist]

Andrew's a bloody genius.

There are things I know perfectly well but couldn't describe in less than three million words; he'll use half a dozen and do a better job than me.

Information is exactly what I've been buying all this time, too.

You may have seen that you're not the first person to comment thusly here. And I thought the same thing myself, when I first heard it. So if I'm an infophile, it's no surprise that the people who like me would be that as well.

[karaksindru.livejournal.com]

"The Internet is sort of a silly way to communicate with the other person who lives in your house"

I think I've mentioned before that I often instant message my office mates, people I can see if I just move my head a bit to peer around the monitor, people less than three feet away from me.

I <3 the internet.. ^_^

[cosmolinguist]

I understand. In college, it was normal to IM your friends across the hall to see if she wanted lunch.

[stealthmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Put the kettle on...

[cosmolinguist]

Stop drinking all my Coke!

[stealthmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Then go and buy some milk