And as if things aren't bad enough, I have a They MIght Be Giants song stuck in my head!

[cosmolinguist]

Today is my parents' 32nd wedding anniversary. They went to Applebee's. They took me with them.

This sort of thing makes sense to them.

Not that it still wasn't an exceptional dinner. My mom didn't order the ribs, she tried something new and got the "oriental" chicken wrap. And my dad didn't get Bud Light in a glass that says "Brewtus" on it--he loves those glasses and asked the waitress if he could buy one, the last time we were there--he asked for hard lemonade this time, which I don't think he'd ever tried before. (I was jealous of that but had no ID with me.)

During dinner, Dad said, "Thirty-two years ago we were pulling into Worthington..." Or omsething like that; I wasn't paying attention until the end, which might be why I said, "Worthington? What were you doing there?" (Worthington is a town in southwest Minnesota, and we live in southeast Minnesota, where there are actually hills and trees and other things they don't have over there on the prairie.)

"That was as far as we got that night," Dad explained unhelpfully.

But I figured it out myself, "Oh, right, you guys went to Yellowstone for your honeymoon..." (My parents like mountains.)

"Yeah," he said. "And didn't we eat at McDonald's or something that night?"

"I think it was KFC," Mom told him. She kind of smiled, but in that "we should've done something cooler" kind of way...but then, she's someone who thinks it's cool to celebrate their anniversary by going to a restaurant they always go to and bringing their kid along, so I question her judgment of coolness a bit.

I tried to imagine my parents as about my age and in the weird '70s haircuts I've seen from the wedding pictures, eating fried chicken in a motel room in Worthington. I tried to imagine them as newlyweds, in love, but I couldn't. I never have been able to manage that. Not that I doubt that they were in love, or that they love each other still...but I can't see it--either in my "mind's eye" or my two real eyes. I've always complained that I come from a family that never shows affection, never even talks much.

Since I've gotten home, they've seemed unusual to me in rather disturbing ways. My mom has been chronically unhappy: she thinks she's fat and her friends don't like her and her job sucks...her job does suck, but the other things don't seem nearly as bad to me as they do to her. But then, I'm usually quite optimistic and she seems at least that pessimistic. And my dad, recently, has seemed a lot less like the laid-back guy I've always known and more bitter, more sharp with people, more convinced that nothing's worth it.

I don't understand. Are they just getting older? Thinking about things more, or differently, or whatever? Or was it like this before and I'm just noticing now because of some change in me, instead of them? What would that be? I don't know. I don't even know if any of these are the right questions.

I want to get out of here--I was actually driven to leave the room yesterday when they started arguing about something. They never argue, not about things they really mean, and they really meant it this time.

I want to get away...I know I am, obviously, but for various reasons I'd rather that not be the next time I leave the house with someone besides them. And also, I kind of feel bad about that, especially since they don't know I want to be gone for as long as I do. (And Andrew, since you'll probably read this before I talk to you next, I want you to know that this really does not make me want to visit you any less, and you are forbidden to feel bad about taking me away from my parents, because it is and always has been my choice and overall I'm still overwhelmingly glad to be going.)

Comments

[karaksindru.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Sorry things are ... weird around the house ...

If I have any vacation time after Comic Con, maybe I'll road trip out East a ways ... ;)

[cosmolinguist]

That would be cool. :-)

[stealthmunchkin.livejournal.com]

=hugs=

[cosmolinguist]

Thanks. It really is just what I needed.

[davmoo.livejournal.com]

Parents are supposed to act weird. Its part of their job. Its in the contract when they have children.

[toastedtuna.livejournal.com]

How involved are they in other activities? Maybe their problem is that their world is too small, so they are sniping at each other more often than usual?

Maybe they've finally fallen out of love, or maybe they have grown apart, but are more a habit? Maybe they do love each other, but realize they're not right for one another, but stay together anyway?

Maybe they are both suffering depression?

It's really hard to say what would cause these kinds of changes in people. I'm sure you've tried talking to them just to see what's going on, but maybe they only tell you what they think you want to hear?

Sometimes it's best just to leave, as you're planning to do, and let them sort things out alone.

Maybe they just need separate bedrooms.

[kalieris.livejournal.com]

First and most importantly: (((((HUGS)))))

I have no clue what could be going on with your parents except the "omygosh, I've been married to the same person for 32 years, and now that the kids are grown, what the hell can I really say I've done with my life" phenomenon. In any case, it's their problem, and the sooner you get on with your life, the sooner they can hash out the details of theirs.

My parents would (and often did) bring me along on their anniversary. Mainly because they couldn't figure out what to talk about without me as a foil. When I moved out, they had to start actually dealing with each other, and ended up having a much nicer relationship.

Hang in there, Holly. It'll all work itself out.

(((more hugs)))

Helga

[cosmolinguist]

Thanks. :-) Just the sort of thing I needed to hear. You're pretty good at that, actually.

Hugs!

[ottercat.livejournal.com]

Lots of Hugs, all different (http://home.lorelied.org/~matt/hugs)

As some others have said, it does sound as though they might be viewing their children becoming adults, and wondering what's left.... It's sad, but it happens.

Hang in there, there's lots of people who care for/about you; just 'cause some of us haven't met you f2f, doesn't mean we don't care.

'Sides, us Enlightened Despots need to stick together, eh?

Re: Hugs!

[ladyortyger.livejournal.com]

ascii pr0n, err, hugs!

Re: Hugs!

[ottercat.livejournal.com]

Gotta love Figlet ;-)

http://www.figlet.org

[cosmolinguist]

Thanks. That all made me grin. I am, in fact, still smiling.

Is that you in the background of the icon?

[ottercat.livejournal.com]

If so, methinks you're really cute. Not that I didn't think you were really cute in a sapio-sexual sense, but it's nice to have a face to put with it ;-)

You *do* make me smile

[cosmolinguist]

It is, in fact. That's me and my friend setharoo. Seth uses it too; he had the picture and made the icon in the first place, I just stole it.

I've been saying that I like this picture because I'm tiny and slightly out-of-focus and this works to my advantage. :-) But thank you for telling me I'm cute. "Really cute," even!

Re: You *do* make me smile

[ottercat.livejournal.com]

'tis but the truth, but, now, of course, my appetite is but whetted, and thus, to malign Dickens, I humbly ask, "Please Miss, I'd like some more" (pictures, that is), for not to put too fine a point on it, there must, indeed, be more pictures of yourself. And, if not, you should remedy this for your fans ;-)

[cosmolinguist]

Digital pictures of me are rather sparse. Even regular pictures, for that matter. I have a couple, but they're old and funny-looking.

[stealthmunchkin.livejournal.com]

You lie. You have shown me at least four photos of yourself, and you don't look funny in any of them, but rather ravishingly beautiful.

[cosmolinguist]

I'm still not lying about the first bit; I don't have those pictures any more as they were mostly on my old computer. You'd have to send them to him if he gets to see any pictures. :-)

[ladyortyger.livejournal.com]

Heh, sounds like my parents. Without the KFC part and the 70s, since they didn't live in America then.

Anyway, I think that combined with their having to re-examine their changing relationship, and yours is growing up and seeing them in new and different light, and your relationship with them, you just need to chill and let everything go with the flow for a bit. See if after all, it ain't so bad. And if it is, well, then you can try to fix stuff.

[comradexavier.livejournal.com]

My parents' 25th wedding anniversary was on Tuesday. They brought me with them to the Olive Garden, and on the same trip also bought me a microwave as an "apartment-warming" gift. I actually asked my mom if she really wanted me to go with them to dinner on their anniversary...I think it was partially so that they could both have wine and there'd still be someone to drive home...

[comradexavier.livejournal.com]

Oops, their anniversary was on Wednesday; we just went to dinner on Tuesday. Confusing, that is...

[comradexavier.livejournal.com]

So really, your parents aren't that weird just for bringing you to dinner on their anniversary. One would think I'd include the point in my original post, really.

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah, I got it. :-) And taking me with them really was not that strange. And I was glad to get to go.

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

[nibbles ear - not the one Andrew's nibbling on, the other one]

I wouldn't even think about joining parents when they go out for their anniversary. That strikes me as being kind of weird. Not as weird as being dragged along by a couple on Valentine's Day, but still weird.

Yeah, this trip of yours is probably a good thing for your parents right now. Sounds like they've got some issues that need resolving, and they probably can't do that with you around.

[cosmolinguist]

See, I knew some kind of arrangement would be found on that ear-nibbling thing. :-)