Sight

[cosmolinguist]

Most of the time I don't mind. Really. I forget that I'm missing out at all, since I've never known anything else. In fact, when I was very young, I was totally blind--I was born that way, since my optic nerve, among other things, didn't form properly--but that, for reasons still unknown, ceased to be true when I was about two. I don't remember it myself, but my parents have told me the story of my dad coming home from work, turning on a light in our house, and me looking up at it. My mom once called it a miracle.

So I think I'm doing pretty well, all things considered. I see well enough that people sometimes don't notice until or unless I tell them (though one of the problems with my eyes is a noticable one--a weakness of my eye muscles makes my eyes jump back and forth all the time...though I've been told this has gotten better in recent years; I can't tell myself, the things I'm looking at don't appear to be jumping around, so I guess my brain has figured out how to compensate).

But there are still things that get to me, sometimes.

Driving is an obvious one. With my glasses, my vision in my good eye (which is about twice as good as the other eye) is on the border of what the state of Minnesota will allow for its drivers. I'm told that some people who can see this well drive--carefully--and some just don't. It depends. I am in the second category, because as much as I'd love to be able to get around on my own, I know just from riding in cars that I cannot see well enough. I've driven cars for short distances, and sometimes have trouble making out things on the dashboard. Road signs are kind of iffy. Anything unexpectedly appearing in front of me, forget it. There's just too much to watch when driving a car.

When I stop to think about it, not being able to drive has impacted my life quite a bit, in ways that I would've have expected besides alll the obvious ways like not having to pay for a car and only being able to go to movies or restaurants (real ones, not the ones in Morris) if I convince someone else to go and take me with them.

Here's a more sublte effect: Since I grew up on a farm, the only way to see anybody or do anything is to drive somewhere, and besides being really annoying for me, I think this made my parents think they had control over my life far past the age where they should've stopped (the age, for instance, where my younger brother started being a normal teenager who was never home and never wanted to talk to his family). Not that I blame my parents; I thought the same way. Because it was true, they did seem to control my life. Not directly, or maliciously or even purposely. But I noted at the time that they couldn't ever really ground me if they'd wanted to, since I already lived the way other kids did when they were grounded. And even now, it's hard to extract myself from my parents sometimes, because I don't want them to hate me and I know they won't like it if I do anything too independent. Not that this is all the fault of me not being able to drive, but I swear that's part of it.

Besides that, I love road trips. I like the whole experience. And I feel bad because I'm pretty much worthless for them, as I can't help drive.

Also, as long as I'm whining, I'd like to say a word about subtitles. And that word is contrast. Who decided yellow was a good color for this anyway? Especially for anime. Now, I like anime, or at least I think (thanks to soltice and xsilverfox) I could like some of it if I knew more and watched more. But they're purists, who can't stand to watch things dubbed--which I understand, because I like it better that way too--and so I have to be trying hard in order to follow along. The same sort of thing is often true of movies in other languages, many of which I love but all of which can be hard to watch. And it's not fair.

I remember being in our backyard with my dad one night when I was quite young. He showed me constellations. See that bright star there? That's the end of the handle of the Little Dipper. I asked him what a dipper was, and I remember that he said it was a little basket for water, because I imagined a basket in the sky, made of points of light.

But I didn't have glasses yet and without them I can see only the brightest stars; the sky is mostly black to me, and thogh I can see a few light dots, it's often not even enough to catch my attention. And I love stars. But stars always bring out longing in people, we want to reach out to them. I want that too, but I'd be happy just to really see them.

Comments

[etoilepb.livejournal.com]

Y'know, it's not just you on the subtitles. With my contact lenses in, my vision is really quite good, but I still can't read the subtitles on a bunch of movies. The yellow is almost good compared to the white subtitles on a full-frame black-and-white film (I mean, DUH). I have no idea what's going on in pretty much any Ozu film, for example. Once in a great while you get someone who thought to outline the white or yellow letters with black; those films are a thousand times better just because they're understandable!

[cosmolinguist]

I find it interesting that, for a lot of things I complain about, it's not just me. In high school I was always on the team that got the orange volleyball or softball or whatever, and people often said they liked that better than the dirty white one.

Road Trips

[ottercat.livejournal.com]

For people who like to drive, sometimes it's all about having company.... I know that's the case with me...

[angel-thane.livejournal.com]

Reading a lot of this entry makes me think that you are a city girl, born into a country girl's body.

Driving? Bah! Who drives? Certainly not I. I've had my auto liscence since I was 16, but have never owned a car, and havn't driven (ie not just moving a car, but driving a car enough to need to pay insurance)in about half a decade.

Why would I want a car? With a car, I CAN'T go to restaurants or bars (that little thing known as drinking and driving) Movies? Without a car, I don't need to search around for parking, I can change my mind on a whim (busses are everywhere, my car can only be parked in one place) and go for a walk in a completely opposite direction.

The stars... ahhh the stars. Gorgeous, but they're always there. Its not the SEEING the stars that inspires fantasies and desire, to look, the stars are just points of light, nothing more. Its DREAMING about the starts that inspires mankind. And even without eyes, you can still dream, yesno?

Subtitles suck regardless of your sight ability. They just do. It would be so much nicer is they made them white in a black box, but they don't. Of course, it would be even nicer still, if cinemas that had frequent foreign films set up a surtitle system (as found now in many opera houses) so the text wouldn't get in the way of the film at all. But all in all, its much better than dubbing (ESPECIALLY for non-animated films)

[cosmolinguist]

Oh, I know cars are dumb. I'd be perfectly fine with not having one, if it wasn't so necessary since I live in the middle of nowhere.

One of the things I'd like about living in England this summer is that I'd not only be in a big town with lots of stuff close, but I'd also be in a country with actual public transit. :-)

[angel-thane.livejournal.com]

You're moving to England this summer? Where????

What about the tour de lurve?

[cosmolinguist]

I might go there for the summer.

And I'm sure Jenn would still come visit you even if I did. :-)

[angel-thane.livejournal.com]

Have I made that much of an impression on the young lady then? lol.

Still, I wanted you BOTH! ;)

[cosmolinguist]

Oh, and as for "where" (since I forgot to tell you before), I'd be staying with my friend who lives in Manchester.

[angel-thane.livejournal.com]

Oh, well I suppose you can't win them all!

It is nearby to Scotland though, which is nice.

[ivana-duboise.livejournal.com]

You know of my affliction with Orion.

...

[salaryman.livejournal.com]

what a beautiful post.

thanks,

S

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

Not being able to drive certainly isn't a detriment when it comes to going on road trips with me. People who can drive usually don't get to - I tend to do all the driving myself.

Have you tried looking at the night sky with binoculars or a telescope? That ought to help you see more stars.

[cosmolinguist]

Oh, I have. I actually had a telescope when I was little--not a great one, obviously, but I liked it. I've been an astronomy geek since forever.

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

[smacks self on forehead] Duh. Of course you have. I'll bet nobody who's ever looked at the APOTD hasn't used a telescope at least once. And you've got it as your home page, don't you?

I'm supposed to remember these things...

[cosmolinguist]

You're supposed to remember those things? I didn't know you ever knew it. :-) What are you doing looking at my computer!? And if you're sneaking in at night to do so, why didn't you wake me up?

I remember being a kindergartener who got a book about planets from the school library when my classmates were reading picture books. My teacher tried to talk me out of it, saying she didn't think I really wanted that book, but I couldn't imagine why not, so I didn't listen to her.

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

You told paninogirl you had APOTD as your homepage in a comment on her post about Britney Spears.

And I certainly wouldn't sneak into your place just to look at your computer. I'd wake you up so I could talk to you. You're much more interesting than a computer - I have one of those already. :)

unsolicited advice ;)

[kalieris.livejournal.com]

I think that you are just going to come to a point one day (maybe this summer?) where you do something that's "too independent" and they'll just have to cope. (I'm saying this as a parent, as well as a kid who lived at home 'til I was 21, and then got disowned because I had the temerity to move out.)

From what you say, it seems more that you don't want to potentially hurt or upset them, versus that there would be any real consequence to your going out and doing whatever you're going to do. Parents tend to be deeply frightened and protective over a kid who's had some kind of developmental struggle, but that's not necessarily a good thing.

Just don't let your fear of hurting their feelings keep you from constructing a life that you're happy with. You are more than equal to the task of coping, and I suspect they are too. ((hugs))

Helga

Re: unsolicited advice ;)

[cosmolinguist]

You actually hit upon something I was going to mention and forgot about (looking back at this post now, I realize it could've been so much more coherent!...oh well :-D), and that is the way my parents have been so overprotective of me my whole life because of this. I never got to play sports once I outgrew t-ball, even though I loved baseball and would've been happy to play soccer (so it's not like I was asking them to let me play rugby or stick my finger in electrical sockets). They knew that, but they didn't want to see me get hurt, and there was nothing I could do to convince them that soccer balls and basketballs are big and bright and actually quite visible. And, of course, they let my younger brother play football, where he got hurt all the time. But I was different.

I'm not really bitter, despite how it sounds. Again, it's something else I don't miss because I've never really had it. But it's a good example of my parents'--especially my mom's--attitude about me doing things.

Re: unsolicited advice ;)

[kalieris.livejournal.com]

Are they flipping out about the thought of you going to England this summer to stay with a guy you met over the internet? -g-

Helga

All people on the Internet are evil, you know.

[cosmolinguist]

I'm sure they will, which is why that's the part I haven't told them yet! :-D It seems haven't quite managed to get around to the details of the living arrangement yet...

Re: All people on the Internet are evil, you know.

[kalieris.livejournal.com]

Although I suspect it would be easier to tell them you'll be staying with "Andrea," who is the cousin of one of your friends at school, it's best to just get the hysteria over with. Unless you're depending on them for travel money (which it doesn't sound like you are), they really don't have a say. It's mainly a question of you having to endure the diatribes. : )

Helga

[davmoo.livejournal.com]

I can feel your pain, although my vision is at least correctable to 20/40 or so. And this last time I got glasses I finally saw the light (har har) and bought two pair...one for "normal" stuff, and one for close-up and computer work. I did learn an important lesson for the future the next time I purchase two pair of glasses each with different perscriptions...do **NOT** buy them with identical frames!

My big bitch is contrast on web pages. What reminded me of this was a visit tonight to a website for a local (when you live in the country, 45 miles away is still "local") blues club I like that has web pages that has all of its lettering as dark purple text on a black background. Another page I also frequent has red text on a hot pink background. Yeah, bright colors or purple may be cool. But considering both of these pages are for commercial businesses, I would think that being able to actually read the site would take priority over the coolness factor.

As for cars, yeah, I agree they are mostly a pain in the ass, as much as I like drives in the country. When I lived in the city, I did not own a car until I was in my mid-20's, although I got a driver's license at 16. But then I moved to the 'burbs, and now I live in the country. When the closest business of *any* kind is almost 5 miles away (which also has the closest bus stop in front of it), the local post office is 12 miles away, and the closest major non-grocery store is 15 miles away, a car is simply no longer optional.

But on the plus side, I have stars at night like you wouldn't believe :-) That is one of the main reasons I stay here, even though every now and then I feel like Columbus, Bartholomew County, and even the whole state of Indiana, contain the most up-tight closed-minded narrow-minded anal-retentive backwards-ass country fucks on the planet.

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

You know, you handle yourself well despite this particular challenge.

The way I see it, is you have to see yourself as some hip European, too chic to drive!

[cosmolinguist]

Thank you. It's always nice to hear I handle myself well, in any context. And I'm working on being sort of European, at least for the summer! :-)