Pretty good jokes
Apr. 18th, 2004 12:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cosmolinguistWhy can't Episcopals play chess?
They can't tell the difference between the bishops and the queens.
How do we know Adam was Lutheran?
Who else could stand beside a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of fruit?
(here's one for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stealthmunchkin)
Guy yelling: Hey, how can I get to the other side of the lake?
Girl yelling back: You are on the other side of the lake!
The U.S. has already converted to the metric system. We have a half-leader in charge of the country.
How do you torture an engineer?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
What do you call 5000 geeks playing Monopoly?
Microsoft.
What do you call a building full of guitarists?
Jail.
NASA discovered ballpoint pens don't write in space. They developed a pen that writes in zero-gravity, upside-down, on almost all surfaces. The Russians used a pencil.
Are you sexually active?
No doctor, I just lie there.
Do you smoke after sex?
I don't know; I've never looked.
(forevil_grapefruit)
Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong hand?
I married the wrong man.
The flood is over and the water's dried up and Noah told all the animals to go and multiply. But the snakes are still on the ark. "What are you doing?" he asks them. "I told you to go out and multiply." "We can't, they said. "We're adders."
What does it take to keep an Amish woman happy?
Two Mennonite.
Surgeon General, I was wondering what the results of my brain scan were.
Well, Mr. President, we've found there are two sides to your brain, the right side and the left side.
Doesn't everybody have two sides to their brain?
Yes, but we've found that for yours, on the left side there's nothing right, and on the right side there's nothing left.
They can't tell the difference between the bishops and the queens.
How do we know Adam was Lutheran?
Who else could stand beside a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of fruit?
(here's one for
stealthmunchkin)Guy yelling: Hey, how can I get to the other side of the lake?
Girl yelling back: You are on the other side of the lake!
The U.S. has already converted to the metric system. We have a half-leader in charge of the country.
How do you torture an engineer?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
What do you call 5000 geeks playing Monopoly?
Microsoft.
What do you call a building full of guitarists?
Jail.
NASA discovered ballpoint pens don't write in space. They developed a pen that writes in zero-gravity, upside-down, on almost all surfaces. The Russians used a pencil.
Are you sexually active?
No doctor, I just lie there.
Do you smoke after sex?
I don't know; I've never looked.
(for
evil_grapefruit)Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong hand?
I married the wrong man.
The flood is over and the water's dried up and Noah told all the animals to go and multiply. But the snakes are still on the ark. "What are you doing?" he asks them. "I told you to go out and multiply." "We can't, they said. "We're adders."
What does it take to keep an Amish woman happy?
Two Mennonite.
Surgeon General, I was wondering what the results of my brain scan were.
Well, Mr. President, we've found there are two sides to your brain, the right side and the left side.
Doesn't everybody have two sides to their brain?
Yes, but we've found that for yours, on the left side there's nothing right, and on the right side there's nothing left.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 10:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 10:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 11:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 01:20 pm (UTC)The whole Minnesota thing made me think of you, actually...
Oh, and do you really see a single geek working for Microsoft? ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 10:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 10:52 am (UTC)I married the wrong man.
Oh, I so should have done that...
Helga
-*snerk*
The problem with thinking too much
Date: 2004-04-18 11:26 am (UTC)They can't tell the difference between the bishops and the queens.
When I first read this, I thought it was in reference to Queen Elizabeth II being the head of the Church of England (which is the founding branch of the Anglican communion, to which the Episcopalian church is a member) and thus like a bishop.
Then I realized you all had that gay bishop thingee. doh.
When I first heard the NASA joke, there were references to years of research and billions of dollars spent in there as well.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 11:30 am (UTC)And what's with this "you all" stuff? :-)
And yes, all the jokes are just paraphrases that I wrote down in a hurry; I'm sure they can be made funnier.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 11:40 am (UTC)Its the expanded form of the word "y'all" .
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 07:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 09:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 11:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 07:26 pm (UTC)Glad you thought of me, though, when you heard lame jokes. :-)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 11:52 pm (UTC)Stop stealing my lines
:-p
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-19 07:13 am (UTC)And stop sticking your tongue out. It's not nice.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 12:02 pm (UTC):-)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-04-18 01:04 pm (UTC)