Thinking too much

[cosmolinguist]

I think I've figured out why you all think I think I'm unattractive.

Considering how little I trust my brain to make sense recently, I'll repeat that in a less-concise fashion: It has come to my attention that the random LJ people (of the Tour-de-Love type) who've started talking with me on IM recently have gotten the impression that I think I am unattractive. They're all eager to correct this, which is nice, but it's sort of confused me.

But, I thnk I've figured out why they think I'm unattractive and why I don't think I think that. It's because I've never thought about it. I do not think I am conventionally gorgeous, but that's verifiably true. And beyond that, I've never worried about it. I don't think I'm attractive, but I don't think I'm unattractive, either. It doesn't really interest me--which is probably evident from the lack of frequent hair-removal, face-coloration, or other tactics known to be prevalent among the female of the species... I'm not "butch" to make a point about anything, I'm just too lazy and apathetic to volunteer for bodily modifications that are sometimes painful and usually annoying and all-too-often impermanent and in need of constant re-doing.

I also think I've figured out the other thing that's confused me about those who've said they'd have sex with me, and whatnot. (It's been a good night for epiphanies. Probably because I've been thinking of other things the whole time.) A dozen of my LJ friends are real-life friends, but the rest of you guys are just words on a screen. This doesn't mean I don't care about you--far from it--and it doesn't mean I think I know nothing about you, since many of you write cool, insightful, interesting things. It does mean that I, without really thinking about it, classified you as a separate group of people, with the perfectly valid distinction of being people I did not know in real life. This is another of those unquestioned assumptions my brain seems to have gotten away with for a long time.

But now that people have asserted that they'd have sex with me if we were in the same place, and evil_grapefruit intends on taking care of the "in the same place" detail, I'm left with the prospect of meeting people in the "people I'll never meet" group. Even without the sex (which, they all point out, is not part of the deal), it's rather mind-boggling. But since they are the ones who tell me I'm attractive, etc., my poor brain is terribly confused and shuts down. And I'm often bad at receiving compliments anyway, much as I like them, so I suppose I would seem that I think I'm unattractive.

This is all drivel, though, so I'll stop now.

Comments

[stealthmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Yes, but the idea that you don't think yourself unattractive is belied by your comment to me the other day that you'd never considered that a man might say yes if you asked him out...

As for all the stuff you talk about (makeup etc), there are large numbers of men out there who couldn't care less...

[cosmolinguist]

Oh, come now. I've only asked one person out and he said yes. :-) I think I have a pretty good trend going there.

And I know there are guys who don't care about stuff like that. Which is good, because otherwise I'd bother them all.

[stealthmunchkin.livejournal.com]

Yes, but when we were speaking the other day, you said it had never occured to you that a man might say yes to you....

[cosmolinguist]

It hadn't! That's my point: I don't think about stuff like that.

[davmoo.livejournal.com]

After I got done with my phone call that I interrupted our AIM session for, I contemplated this entry while I was in the shower. Okay, I think about weird stuff while I'm in the shower, what's your point?!

If you surveyed 1000 "typical" woman, all 1000 would swear that every hetero male in the world would like to do the wild horizontal monkey dance with them. Therefore, since you don't think there are guys who want you, we assume you have this absolutely horrid self-view.

[cosmolinguist]

Oh, I see, it's not me that's crazy, it's the standard. :-) That makes sense.

[tragicallyjulia.livejournal.com]

Well, then I'm crazy, too. :-)

[tragicallyjulia.livejournal.com]

Uh... wait. I re-read that. So, I'm NOT crazy, too. ;-P

[cosmolinguist]

Yes, you are not crazy, you are cool and thus attract cool people, as I do. :-D

[cosmolinguist]

And I think about weird stuff in the shower, too. I think it's because I always have to do the same things, and such menial labor and routine give my brain nothing good to think about, so it has to find amusement for itself elsewhere.

Either that, or shampoo requires scalp massage that is beneficial to thinking. :-)

version 2.0

[gurdonark.livejournal.com]

Is this the point when I'm supposed to say I'm merely a software program, designed to function as a sort of talkbot here on LiveJournal?

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah, I think this is that point.

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

I've always been of the opinion that anybody you have to perform extensive and/or painful body modifications on yourself to attract isn't worth trying to attract in the first place. When it comes to supposedly-appearance-enhancing body modifications, less is more. Women who coat themselves in make-up and douse themselves in perfume automatically become less attractive to me. I don't like fake.

But I have to be honest. It's not your body I'm attracted to - I haven't seen it yet. Your attractiveness to me is based entirely on things more important than mere physical appearance.

And I never got the impression you thought you were unattractive - just that you thought you weren't attractive. Subtle difference, but I caught it.

[cosmolinguist]

I'm glad you caught it; I feel much less crazy knowing that I'm not the only person who thinks this. :-)

And though laziness and apathy are my true reasons for not going to great lengths to alter my appearance, once again I notice the nice side effect of my normal state actually appealing to the kinds of people that appeal to me: I don't like fake things, either.

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

That's the way it should be. If your normal state doesn't appeal to people who appeal to you, then you're probably not being who you want to be. I think it really is that simple.

But most people don't get it. They hide their true selves in an effort to attract who they're looking for, but only wind up with the same sort of superficial fake people they're acting like.

[davmoo.livejournal.com]

When I see a woman who is slathered with makeup and perfume, the first thought to enter my mind is always "how much more about her is fake?"

[angel-thane.livejournal.com]

Mixing the 'LJ people' and the 'RL people' can be a strange and confusing thing. Suddenly, all the people who you never expected to meet, have been met. Suddenly, all the strangers with to whom you can share intimate details, are no longer strangers. Suddenly, those you've been gabbing to, have become those you are gabbing about.

When weather systems collide, Tornados can happen. When worlds collide, the results arn't nessecarially as pretty, but can be nearly as destructive.