I should go to bed
Mar. 13th, 2004 11:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cosmolinguist"So, Matt doesn't want a girlfriend," Mom said as soon as we got into the car again. We'd just left the Christian bookstore that her best friend owns; we'd stopped there to kill some time as we were waiting for Dad to get off work so we could go have pizza. Mostly she and Mom looked at things and talked and I looked at CDs, but she talked to me some, too. She tried to tease me about my boyfriend so I had to tell her that I didn't have one any more.
Which I knew would be news to my mom, too. Now that I think about it, this is the only way my parents have learned of me breaking up with someone: my mom overhears me telling one of her friends. Which might give some indication of how easy it is to tell my parents stuff. Well, it's not totally their fault; the first time I didn't want to tell them because one of the reasons I'd broken up with the guy was because I was interested in (and soon started) dating Matthew, and I knew my mom wouldn't like that. She's never really liked him. I'm not really sure why. I never thought about it much, anyway.
This time, the reason my parents didn't know sooner was not at all my fault! My mom calls me almost every Sunday afternoon; she has since I started college. So when I spent a whole weekend being sad over this, somewhere in the back of my mind was the idea that my mom was going to call and ask me how my week was. On Friday I didn't like the idea much--I didn't want to talk at all, on Friday--but by Saturday and Sunday I was more okay with the idea and figured actually telling people such as my parents would be good for me ... and, hey, they might even have something helpful or interesting to say on the subject, being parents and all. But Mom was gone that weekend. Dad still called--which is impressive; he really doesn't like talking on the phone, much more than me. And when he got around to asking me how my week had gone, I said, "Well, not so good, actually ..." and I was all set to explain, "Matthew broke up with me," but I stopped to take a breath and Dad said, "Oh. Did you get your W-2s yet?" And, so, I just answered the question and we went on from there. It's so indicative of how things are with my parents that I can't help but smile and shake my head when I think of it.
Anyway, when Mom started out with "So Matt doesn't want to have a girlfriend, is that it?" I didn't even realize what she was talking about at first. I should've known she'd want to ask me about it as soon as there weren't other people around, but I'd forgotten about the conversational exchange altogether; it'd been only a small and not very interesting or fun part of a rather long visit. Also, I'm not at all used to thinking of him as "Matt" any more, and I didn't know who she was talking about. Then when it clicked, I still didn't really know what to say. Was it that he didn't want to have a girlfriend? Wouldn't that be nice; to think his problem was with the social construct, and not with me. I suppose I could ask, but I was afraid of not getting a straight answer ... or, if I did, afraid of what it'd be. And I didn't think it'd help, really.
But I probably still answered Mom's question in the affirmative; her suggestion was as good a reason as any. I don't remember what I said. I remember that I shrugged and changed the subject.
Which I knew would be news to my mom, too. Now that I think about it, this is the only way my parents have learned of me breaking up with someone: my mom overhears me telling one of her friends. Which might give some indication of how easy it is to tell my parents stuff. Well, it's not totally their fault; the first time I didn't want to tell them because one of the reasons I'd broken up with the guy was because I was interested in (and soon started) dating Matthew, and I knew my mom wouldn't like that. She's never really liked him. I'm not really sure why. I never thought about it much, anyway.
This time, the reason my parents didn't know sooner was not at all my fault! My mom calls me almost every Sunday afternoon; she has since I started college. So when I spent a whole weekend being sad over this, somewhere in the back of my mind was the idea that my mom was going to call and ask me how my week was. On Friday I didn't like the idea much--I didn't want to talk at all, on Friday--but by Saturday and Sunday I was more okay with the idea and figured actually telling people such as my parents would be good for me ... and, hey, they might even have something helpful or interesting to say on the subject, being parents and all. But Mom was gone that weekend. Dad still called--which is impressive; he really doesn't like talking on the phone, much more than me. And when he got around to asking me how my week had gone, I said, "Well, not so good, actually ..." and I was all set to explain, "Matthew broke up with me," but I stopped to take a breath and Dad said, "Oh. Did you get your W-2s yet?" And, so, I just answered the question and we went on from there. It's so indicative of how things are with my parents that I can't help but smile and shake my head when I think of it.
Anyway, when Mom started out with "So Matt doesn't want to have a girlfriend, is that it?" I didn't even realize what she was talking about at first. I should've known she'd want to ask me about it as soon as there weren't other people around, but I'd forgotten about the conversational exchange altogether; it'd been only a small and not very interesting or fun part of a rather long visit. Also, I'm not at all used to thinking of him as "Matt" any more, and I didn't know who she was talking about. Then when it clicked, I still didn't really know what to say. Was it that he didn't want to have a girlfriend? Wouldn't that be nice; to think his problem was with the social construct, and not with me. I suppose I could ask, but I was afraid of not getting a straight answer ... or, if I did, afraid of what it'd be. And I didn't think it'd help, really.
But I probably still answered Mom's question in the affirmative; her suggestion was as good a reason as any. I don't remember what I said. I remember that I shrugged and changed the subject.
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-13 10:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-13 10:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-13 10:29 pm (UTC)::crawls back into her no-woo zone::
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-13 10:34 pm (UTC)If it weren't for that damn boob thing getting in my way... :-D Just a minor detail, right? A technicality!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-13 10:39 pm (UTC)I'm okay...for the most part.
Yeah, your luscious boobies do hinder the attraction factor. But maybe I can learn to love you... :)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-14 09:15 am (UTC)I don't have a problem with the social construct (although I sometimes have problems with how society treats the construct), and I don't have a problem with you, at least not something I can enumerate as such.
If anything, I had a problem with me. By my own self-analysis, I was content with you. My problem was a growing discontent with being content. Eventually, I had to choose, and I could neither bring myself to say, without having experienced any other relationships, "this is enough for me," nor could I ignore my doubts, because I knew that to act on the same conclusion later would only be worse to you.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-15 06:25 am (UTC)