Chatter

[cosmolinguist]

I'm sad when my friends tell me they're sad. But I don't just want to say "I feel bad for you" or "Oh, that sucks" because even though I do and it does, such stock phrases annoy me. Perhaps I've heard them too many times from people who aren't really thinking when they say them--and few things bother me as insincerity does--or perhaps they just seem so inadequate to me that they're not even worth it. I have the same sorts of feelings about small talk, or answering questions whose answers should be obvious to the person asking me.

Sometimes I don't talk becasue I'm lazy, or because I'm not paying attention. More often I am quiet because I am sad, or mad, or something like that. Most often, I'm just not talking because I don't have anything to say.

This seems paradoxical, because I used to talk all the time. Up through high school, at least. But I realized that not all the things I thought I had to say really had to be said, and I tried to cut down on saying stupid things, tried to emulate the interesting people I know who don't talk much, listen a lot, and have cool things to say when they do talk. Thus, I still talk a lot and say stupid things, but there are times when I don't talk at all.

But the thing about not talking--which I've noticed from those friends I wish I was more like in that respect--is that I can't tell for which reason they're not talking. Are they preoccupied? Am I annoying them? Or do they just not have anything to say? And I don't want to make other people wonder that about me.

I know I'm not a mysterious person, even when I don't talk--one of my friends once said she can tell what I think just by looking at me--but even so, I wonder if I manage to convey what I really think or feel as often as I might like.

Comments

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

[nibbles ear]

Sometimes it's helpful to know that others actually care enough to say something at all, even if it is just a stock phrase. (Me, I often say simply, "ouch.") And I wouldn't worry too much about being perceived as insincere. If your friends didn't think you actually cared, they probably wouldn't tell you their problems in the first place.

I often worry myself about whether I'm adequately conveying my thoughts and feelings to my friends - you're not alone in that regard. I hope that's enough to make you feel at least a little better.

[cosmolinguist]

It does. :-) I'm okay, I'm just having a weird day. I'm not really worried.

[paninogirl.livejournal.com]

Heh, my issue seems to be the exact opposite. I do convey what I feel -- and sometimes I feel I convey that too often. I care deeply for people, and I let them know that more than the average person. Sometimes, I think I'm taken for granted as a result. And, I probably am.

[cosmolinguist]

Sometimes I feel like that, too. That's how I manage to be all annoying and paradoxical. I feel like I talk too much (and leave stupid comments in people's LiveJournals, and such :-)) and make them not want to talk to me.

[paninogirl.livejournal.com]

I guess everyone has insecurities about people not liking them. I don't know if I'll ever be able to shake that.

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

But I like the comments you leave in my LiveJournal. ;)

Chatter away, hon. I'm listening.

[cosmolinguist]

Wait a minute ... the only comments I leave in your journal are things like "Would you nibble my ear?", aren't they?

::wanders off to think about this::

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

Ummm... [checks] You piped up about the flirting community... (This looks bad, doesn't it?)

I honestly meant for that comment to be taken in the "aw how sweet" manner in which it was originally received.

I guess that's what I get for being nice without thinking. [sigh] I blame myself. I don't make many posts worth commenting on, I guess.

But I'm not going to lie - I do like being asked to nibble ears. :)

[cosmolinguist]

Oh, I did, didn't I? I wasn't kidding when I said I sucked at flirting, either. At the very least, it'd fall into the category of annoying small talk. :-) And guys are never interested in me, anyway, which is okay.

Don't worry; I'm just teasing! I just liked the silly comment better than the "how sweet" one.

I forgot to tell you that I was impressed that you remembered your threat to nibble my ear instead of hug me the next time it looked like I needed a hug. But it is impressive. :-)

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

Guys are never interested? Really? I'm surprised.

This isn't the first time someone's been impressed at my ability to remember stuff like that. I take it that's not normal, then?

[cosmolinguist]

As far as I can tell! Well, that's the really short version. Here's the merely short version: I never got asked on a date, kissed, anything, until around my 20th birthday. He's a nice guy, but he likes me more than I like him, and after the months it took me to realize that, I broke it off. Soon after I started dating somene I really liked; he wasn't so much interested in me as I was in him. Even so, we were happy for a year and a half and then he broke that off. The end.

As for asking if something is normal, I think you'd have better luck with that if you asked someone normal. :-)

[gentleman-lech.livejournal.com]

That's better luck than I've had. (How sad is that?)

As for normal people, why would I want to have anything to do with them? ;)