Word rage

[cosmolinguist]

I turned on the radio to find some guy asking people what word they want to take out of the dictionary, and there was a lady there who's the editor of a dictionary, or something like that (it was NPR, naturally). Apparently their usual deal is to ask people to pitch new words to this dictionary editor. ("Now, Erin, you've never assented to any of these suggestions, have you?" "I've never given an unqualified yes," she said, with slight emphasis on the word unqualified. I started liking her then.) But this time it was the opposite: people called in with words they want to be taken out of the dictionary.

The first was a girl who offered gymnasium. She said, in an amusing if incoherent way, that it makes her feel ill. Even gym? the host asked. Yes, she said. It stirs up all the same bad feelings. (And, after a moment's thought, I found myself agreeing that it is a rather ugly word. I never thought of this before; it surprised me. Perhaps I'm just being suggestible.) She did have a replacement of her own to offer, though: "I know this word is already taken," she said, "but what about ... clock." Apparently it struck her as a good, strong, healthy word. That does make sense to me, though, even more than the queasy nature of gymnasium.

The host asked if there were any other words this girl didn't like, and after a moment she said, "Yeah. Horny." Again, she had some incoherent rationale for this ... but again, I can't help but agree. It's a dumb word, awkward and ugly. The host asked her if she has any suggested replacement for this word as she did the other. She said, "I think clock for this, too." That made me laugh. The host and the dictionary lady laughed too. As an adjective? they wanted to know. Yes! she asserted.

The best part was that after the girl hung up, the dictionary lady said she thought clock for horny was nice. She compared it to fake hipsters who say random things like "Yeah, that's so deck." They tried it out on each other: "I was so clock last night." "Totally clock." I grinned. I wish I had more excuse to be horny and talk about it; I would start saying things like that.

The next caller wanted to get rid of apostrophes. This seemed dumb to me--as the dictionary lady would point out, punctuation doesn't go in the dictionary, so while there'd be an entry for apostrophe, there would not be one for the apostrophe ... duh--but then I heard the lady say, "So, you're proposing a two-year moratorium on apostrophes?" He went on to say something along the lines of this making people miss them and appreciate them when they come back, or something, but I don't remember that part because I was busy being in love with the phrase "two-year moratorium on apostrophes." I don't like the idea much--I quite like apostrophes, and don't think this plan would work because I bet surprisingly few people would want them back--but I like the sound of it, literally.

Then some lady wanted to get rid of slacks. This the dictionary lady agreed with; "Slacks is a terrible word." Apparently this is because it got associated with a certain type of pants: bad, old-school thick polyester that I'm not old enough to appreciate. It's a word my parents and other people I know will use for all types of pants ... And I know pants is a dumb enough word itself; I've been told repeatedly that it means "underwear" in Britain (which is probably one of the very many good ways for an American to get himself laughed at). And it's quite close, in fact, to panties, which does mean "[women's] underwear" and is a word I know evil_grapefruit, for one, hates passionately ... so much that she says it in such a way that I hate it too. But I think this is one of those circumstances in which English, for all its vast diversity, lacks a good word and thus has many poor euphemisms. Toilet is also such a one. Anyway, I digress. I don't mind slacks because at one point we must have been talking about the word in my grammar & langauge class because I remember the professor saying, "And it makes sense, right? 'Slacks' as opposed to 'tights'!" She pulled on the tights she was wearing to illustrate this point. That's what I think of now when I hear slacks. No bad polyester connotations at all.

The next guy mentioned the classic hated-word utilize. The reason for disliking it is simple: the only reason to use it instead of, well, use is to sound smarter than you are.

He also wants to get rid of word in the hip-hop sense. This guy was an English teacher or something, and it annoyed him when his--white, middle-class--students would have exchanges like this with him:

Him: Your rought draft is due next week.
Student: Word.
Him: Did my comments on your last paper make sense?
Student: Word.
Him: All right, get out of my office.
Student: Word.

Yeah, I wouldn't miss it.

The funniest part, though, was listening to this guy go off on the subject. "I hear lots of white people picking up this slang, yo, phat, whatever, and that's fine. I mean, think of Rocky; Adrian said 'yo!' And 'phat'; I'm phat!" (Or did he mean "I'm fat"? Impossible for me to tell.)Soon the host told him to take a deep breath, which he did, rather theatrically, and when he hung up the dictionary lady said, "I think we just made his blood pressure rise 15 points." The host said, "I think he had a little bit of word rage there." (Or did he mean "word rage"? Impossible for me to tell again.)

So, to anyone who's actually read this far: perhaps you'll humor me. What word would you want to get rid of? Why? You can offer a replacement too, if you want. But not clock. It's already taken.

Comments

[xsilverfox.livejournal.com]

I can think of a few words to lose:

1) Like : "its, like, so annoying when, like, people say like all the time"

2) The -izzle stuff: this was cute for two seconds, now either speak english or shut the hell up

3) Bling-bling: I don't need any explaination for this one

[cosmolinguist]

Good points, all of them--I'm merciless on slang words: I find some charming and I want others expunged, and there is almost no middle ground--but, with the exception of like, these words aren't in any normal dictionary anyway. And while I'm interested in the slang that annoys people, it's even more fun to discover the perfectly innocuous words that go around minding their own business and still have people hating them. Because they're there--so many people can come up with so many words they dislike for so many reasons.

And, as a slang-hater, I've found that my lack of exposure to MTV and other atrocious pop culture cuts down on my exposure to words I hate. Maybe that's why I'm listening to NPR in the first place. :-)

[czircon.livejournal.com]

I think the language has enough ambiguity already without having to worry about whether "clock" means "gymnasium," "horny," or "clock."

I would get rid of "organic," but not the "carbon-based" sense; only the obnoxious vegan sense. Also the prefixes "cyber-" and "e-".

I see no problem with "panties" and "toilet" -- why do they need euphemisms?

[cosmolinguist]

I agree with the possibilities for confusion ... but really, I think context should serve you well there. It would be very hard to misconstrue clock as horny; if your meaning is not clear from the sentence, you probably have more problems than a linguist can diagnose.

I like your excisions a lot, especially e-. The pervasiveness (and inevitable misuse) of such trendy colloquialisms is guaranteed to annoy thinking persons sooner or later.

I wasn't saying that panties and toilet need euphemisms, but that they are euphemisms. More about this has been said by smarter people elsewhere, but I'll try to make an example of what I mean with toilet. A "toilet" was originally something one did, it meant the act making oneself look presentable. That's why razors and toothbrushes and perfumes, or whatever, can be referred to as your "toiletries." And "toilet" in Britain apparently means what we would call "bathroom"--the whole place--whereas here it is just the porcelain fixture itself, which apparently had no real good name until this old word was appropriated, probably because it wasn't something people wanted to talk about.

(After I wrote all this, I remembered reading it here. I think they explain better than I do.)

[parakleta.livejournal.com]

that's why we should all use the Aussie 'dunny' to refer to the toilet, and then the word toilet can reclaim it's original meaning. :)

[comradexavier.livejournal.com]

I don't find any fault with utilize. I think its meaning is more, "to add utility to," than, "to make use of," in the sense that to utilize is, "to make use of, where no previous use was recognized."

Indeed, I don't favor the elimination of any word simply because someone (or everyone) doesn't think it sounds or looks appropriate for that which it describes. Language is an artificial construct: words are simply symbols with assigned meanings for the purpose of conveying information; the accepted correlations between gymnasium, horny, slacks, or word and the the corresponding definitions bear no particular value aside from that of convenience.

Indeed, it follows that if we eliminate words, fewer symbols will be available, and thus fewer correlations can be made, with the result that our language would be less able to serve its purpose of conveying ideas from one individual to another. Toilet is an excellent example: as you pointed out, it is unclear whether toilet could represent an action, a room, or a fixture. Separate words for these concepts would eliminate confusion and allow more precise communication on the subjects of appearance, architecture, and excretion.

[opticnerves.livejournal.com]

"Ingenuous" - not only is it ugly, but the people who use it are usually deeply annoying pricks. Even worse is its antonym, "disingenuous," and whoever came up with that one is deeply in need of defenestration. As to "gymnasium," I think it has an underrated Roman charm, but "horny" actually is an ugly word and I'll put a vote in for its removal. I will not, however, be "clock" on a Friday night instead.

[madmouth.livejournal.com]

gymnasium is Greek.

[opticnerves.livejournal.com]

I mean what it implied to me, not what it means to people who know what they're talking about.

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah, I do sort of like words that end with -ium. Any better idea of what

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<i<horny</i>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Yeah, I do sort of like words that end with <i>-ium</i>. Any better idea of what <i<horny</i> should be replaced with?

[opticnerves.livejournal.com]

Hm... I'm not sure off the top of my head, but the word should be something sort of seductive, filled with all sorts of wild, electric tension. "Horny" sounds like something that either a lizard or a frat boy is.

[ivana-duboise.livejournal.com]

"Incarcerate" should be "inprison."
"Incinerate" should be "empyre." (Can we make up words?)

[parakleta.livejournal.com]

I think Incarcerate and Incinerate are really cool words though... definite keepers.

[cosmolinguist]

I think they are cool words, too, but ivana_duboise has a history with those two: I think at some point he must have said one when he meant the other (though I don't kow if he did it on purpose or accidentally; each seems equally plausible). I'm sure he or comradexavier would probably know more about this and tell the story better, because it either happened before I hung out with them or some time I wasn't around. But it's still an ongoing joke among us.

[cosmolinguist]

Sure, why not?

Though inprison and empyre are almost-imperceptibly close to words that already exist, imprison and empire, I'll let you deal with the diffculties you create.

[opticnerves.livejournal.com]

No, no, "inprison" simply will not do. The "np" just doesn't come off the tongue neatly.

[ex-odious406.livejournal.com]

Moist. It sounds disgusting. And, Musk.

Indigenous. It makes me think of people without dignity, for some reason, and it's annoying, as everyone is born with dignity. Stupid word.

"Chick". Look at that sexy chick. ugh.

"Nigger", even when black people use it. It gets on my nerves.

And as you mentioned, "Phat" and "Word".

[cosmolinguist]

I know a couple of people who go ballistic when they hear the word moist; it is apparently a widely-held belief that this is a nasty word.

I like your reasons for indigenous--what's really so interesting is hearing the impressions people have of certain words, the things they associate with them, either for some understandable reason (like the woman who didn't like slacks because she thought of polyester) or not (like the girl who's inexplicably nauseated by gymnasium).

And I agree on chick. Though obviously derogatory terms aren't as intriguing to the part of me that wishes I were a linguist, they're still obviously worth mentioning.

[ex-humanfema327.livejournal.com]

I heart slacks, please keep them. And if you don't use pants for trousers, then it's the perfect word to mean pants. Panties sounds like a word a paedophile would use. Eugh.

[parakleta.livejournal.com]

I think we should get rid of all the words and start again. We should come up with a language and grammar is made up of atoms that directly imply the meaning. Something like that anyway, but I don't know anything about linguistics, so I wouldn't know where to start. I guess I'll just have the leave the actual hard work to someone else.

[internetsdairy.livejournal.com]

What a great post. Anyway:

'Bling bling' and 'blinging' are great, as are all onamatapaeic (sp?) words. Though I would like to see a comeback of 'kerr-chingggg!'

I hate the word 'portion', just aesthetically. I would replace it with 'quadrant'.

However, trying to destroy words is a terible thing. They just come and go and change sound and meaning naturally. You really should know this on your course!

[hyuri.livejournal.com]

The problem with replacing 'portion' with 'quadrant' is that 'portion' refers generically to any lesser part of a whole; whereas 'quadrant' refers (though much more strictly defined) to a fourth part of a whole. Hell, look at the word: quadrant. 'Quad.' Four.

Grab a thesaurus (http://thesaurus.reference.com/search?q=portion); there are plenty of synonyms for 'portion.' Most of them are even suitable for referring to indeterminate quantities. Unless, of course, you like mutilating a poor, innocent mathematical term. ^_~

[internetsdairy.livejournal.com]

I like the sound of 'quadrant' - it is more futuristic, and especially appropriate for our modern foods such as space dust pie, Ready Brek, Wham! bars etc.

There's no reason why 'quadrant' shouldn't come to mean a portion as well as a fourth. Especially as 'clock' now means 'horny' as well as a timepiece.

[cosmolinguist]

English has a long history of mutilating perfectly good words based on someone's aesthetic preference ... or misunderstanding ... or all kinds of other random factors that influence the way we speak and write and think now. It's pretty crazy. But the flexibility of the langauge is actually one of its virtues.

There have often been purists who believe that the meaning of words should be fixed (in the sense of "not moving," rather than of "repaired" ... though there are people who think that, too!), but for the most part they're swept away and drowned out by a gaggle of people who use words in new and interesting ways all the time.

I, for one, think quadrant for portion is a very interesting change. :-)

[cosmolinguist]

Perhaps it means I'm a snob, but I don't think trying to destroy words is a terrible thing. Some of them are just bad, and should go! Of course, I don't really expect this to happen based on my preferences, or those of anyone else who reads my journal. Even everyone who reads my journal is not a significant portion--or quadrant--of the population. I'm more interested in peeking at peoples' quirks than I am in writing a doctorate.

And yes, I know that language changes. But I don't know if I'd say that it changes naturally. It's not changing the way tides change, or even the way climates change, or something like that. Language is something made up by humans, and so it changes because we change it, not because some outside, impersonal force causes it to change.

It's true that people don't usually change it consciously or even notice that it is changing (except for slang, which usually lives fast and dies young), but that doesn't mean we aren't changing it. So where you said "naturally," I would say "consciously."

But I don't think it would be unnatural to change a language consciously. It's happened before. Noah Webster tried really hard to simplify English in America, and we still spell color like that instead of like colour. I don't think that kind of thing is bad.

[internetsdairy.livejournal.com]

But I don't know if I'd say that it changes naturally. It's not changing the way tides change, or even the way climates change, or something like that. Language is something made up by humans, and so it changes because we change it, not because some outside, impersonal force causes it to change.

But one of the ways language changes is almost exactly like this - certain sounds tend to change in certain ways over time simply because people pronounce words lazily. It's like erosion. Nobody's trying to conciously change these words, it's just a long process of Chinese whispers caused by the way our mouths, ears and brains work. There are loads of examples in the one book I've read on linguistics - can't actually remember any, but they were a large part of the way Latin turned into French, say.

It's true that people don't usually change it consciously or even notice that it is changing [...] but that doesn't mean we aren't changing it. So where you said "naturally," I would say "consciously."

You're saying that people don't usually change it conciously, then you say they are doing it conciously. ???

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah, I meant to say "unconsciously" there. I do have some internal consistency, this time--at least, that's what I was going for!

[madmouth.livejournal.com]

getting rid of 'gymnasium' would erase the association of sports with nakedness. that, to me, is simply abominable.

[internetsdairy.livejournal.com]

'Phat' (great word, love 'ph's) has reminded me - there was a guy on the first internets thing I went on who called himself 'phord', standing for 'phound on road, dead'. In all his posts, he replaced every single 'f' with a 'ph'. Phantastic!

[opticnerves.livejournal.com]

I agree! Many ugly "f"-words would me improved by a "ph!" We should petition the Language Police to implement this change immediatly.