Reasons I haven't done anything today

[cosmolinguist]

1. I barely got up in time for my 9:15 class today. I hadn't read "Benito Cereno," and I didn't care.


2. Jenn didn't want to go to hers, which meant I wouldn't have had a ride anyway, which meant I wouldn't have gotten to school in time even if I'd left when I woke up, and I thought it would be wise to at least take a shower and put on clothes first. So I did that instead of going to class. Not that it woudl have mattered because...


3. When Jenn and I actually tried to use her car, it didn't start. Too cold. Stupid winter!


4. Checking the Star Tribune online I found an article about the existence of Martin Luther bobblehead dolls. From oldlutheran.com. They actually have lots of crazy stuff there.

Now, for anyone who doesn't already know, Lutherans are weird. They're proud of having eaten lutefisk. They say "hotdish," never "casserole"! They're known for being fond of Jell-O. And they like websites like this one, on which you can make your very own Lutheran mad lib. Like this:

The Christian Church during the early 1492's underwent, in western Asia, a reformation. The leading exponent of the reformation was Bob Dylan. The reformation movement ultimately lead to a complete split between the reformers and the ACLU; those who joined the reformers were later called purple as they protested the authority over the Church maintained by Fred. Those who follow the theology of Martin Luther, the Augsburg Confession and the Book of Concord are called slimy. Lutheranism has been the predominant denomination in Spain, and Nebraska where it is the established (state) church. Lutheran denominations are also prominent in North America. The Lutheran Church began with an emphasis on lollipop, car, shoe and underwear that continues to this day.

I played two games of Battleship against Martin Luther and lost them both.

But my favorite part is You Might Be a Lutheran If.

You Might Be a Lutheran If...

• you didn't know chow mein noodles were a Chinese food.


• you think Garrison Keillor's stories are totally factual. (THEY ARE!)


• the pastor skips the last hymn to make sure church lasts exactly 60 minutes.


• your choir believes volume is a fair substitute for tonality.


• you think butter is a spice.


• Ole and Lena are really the names of your relatives.


• you know what a Lutheran Church Basement Woman is. (My mom! Only, at 51, she's still too young...)


• you think anyone who says "casserole" instead of "hotdish" is trying to be uppity (or maybe even Episcopalian!)


• you hear something really funny and smile as loud as you can.


• it takes 10 minutes to say good-bye.


• you're watching "Star Wars" in the theatre and when they say, "May the force be with you," the theatre replies, "and also with you."


• you can say the meal prayer all in one breath.


• you hesitate to clap for the church choir or special music because "it just wasn't done that way in the old days."


• you laugh out loud while reading this list, and relive your childhood at the same time


• you actually think the pastor's jokes are funny.


• you carry silverware in your pocket to church just in case there's a potluck. (Garrison Keillor said that)


• your house is a mess because you're "saved by Grace," not by works. (Jenn wants to make a sign saying this for our house.)


• your mother could give any Jewish mother a run for the money in the guilt department. (May be the truest thing on this list!)


• you are referred to as the frozen chosen! (Though this is my favorite.)


• you sing "Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus" while sitting down.


• you feel guilty about not feeling guilty.


• you serve Jell-O as a vegetable.


• you refer to your trip to Minneapolis as a pilgrimage. (I think I've done this...but then, I live in the middle of nowhere)

I think this is entirely enough Lutheran silliness for one day. I need to go do something unsilly now: clean the bathroom.

Comments

[ivana-duboise.livejournal.com]

That's amazingly true and scares me.