Fat Femme Clothes Swap

[cosmolinguist]

The third best thing about the Fat Femme Clothes Swap at BiCon was that when Jacq called something "a Doctor Who coat" and I thought it was because it was black with a flash of red lining I could see as it was unfolded...but it turned out to be my own pinstripe Joe Brown coat, the one doctorstewie told me when first he saw me in it looked like what a female Doctor would wear; I'm delighted that this idea had been developed independently.

The second best thing was, of course, that I came away with some nice clothes: a couple of dresses and an orange skirt (which clashes with everything I own but I like wearing it so much I don't are).

The best thing, though, was that it was a big pile of clothes for fat people. It felt so luxurious, to have such abundance. I'm so used to having practically no options. A lot of us are used to having to buy clothes online so not getting to try things on like we were all doing here -- indeed a lot of the clothes brought to swap were things whose sizes weren't what the internet led us to believe they'd be. Also, the phrase "that's too big on you" was quite often said, and that's not something I'm used to at all. A lot of clothes and clothes stores can make me believe I'm at the absolute tip of the bell curve, and that this is why I "deserve" so few options in what I can wear. Of course I know this is bollocks, but the actual experience of hearing and saying these words was oddly powerful. And even more so was the fact that, since the conference room we were in had no mirrors, we were left with what other people told us about how the clothes looked on us.

And there was so much positivity flying around that room. So much "That really suits you!" and "that's a good color/cut/etc on you" and just lots of "ooh!"s. But it wasn't all pollyanna-ish; there was as I said plenty of "that's too big" or "these trousers need someone taller" or whatever too; the substantial amounts of niceness did not get in the way of gentle, constructive honesty.

And as always when you know that people won't lie in a (misguided, in my case!) attempt at flattery, it does make the actual nice comments all the better. Once, I put on a dress and suddenly everyone was looking at me and grinning and saying nice things and it was actually kind of overwhelming (admittedly I am easily overwhelmed these days...). It was really nice. They were people who don't know me hugely well if at all and had no reason to be so positive if they weren't really feeling it, so there was nothing there for my confidence-killing Jerkbrain to work with. I just soaked up the nice comments and made sure to keep the dress.

Comments

[nanila]

What a delightfully affirming experience. Thanks for sharing it. :)

[cosmolinguist]

Thank you for saying so. I still struggle with feeling ashamed of being in a body that's "wrong" and it helps to know that it's okay to talk about stuff that's a big deal for me even though a lot of people get to take the variety and suitability of clothes for granted.

[haggis.livejournal.com]

That's really good to hear! I didn't go to the clothes swap because I didn't bring anything to swap but that might have been a mistake.

I may be responsible for transmitting the Doctor Who coat description because I have seen you both in that coat but I can't remember.

[cosmolinguist]

I went on the first day when it was a smaller group and not as much stuff, just because I was meeting starbrow who was there, and people didn't seem to mind that some had brought stuff and some wanted to take it away and these didn't need to be the same people. :) So the next day I came back and actually looked at stuff properly and took some away. I think it might be worth suggesting to the organiser for next year (everyone wanted this to happen next year!) that it's worth making it explicit that you don't need to have stuff to swap in order to go.

Anyway it sounds like the naked lunch was pretty good and that was going on at the same time!

[doctorstewie.livejournal.com]

reading this made me smile, because the idea of all that positivity instead of the usual shaming around the acquisition of clothes. I wish shops could do this.

[cosmolinguist]

I wish they would too! We even discussed how different these comments were from the kind of simpering uselessness you get from shop assistants. I'd probably be much less avoidant of clothes shopping than I am if it were anything like this.

[purplerabbits.livejournal.com]

I loved the atmosphere in that session and the things I got (including your skirt/dress which made my Ball costume way better)

[cosmolinguist]

I'm glad it helped. Happy to consider that part of the swap; it didn't fit me as well as it seemed to fit you!