Thought for the day

[cosmolinguist]

A la Lewis's Law ("the comments on any article about feminism justify feminism"), it seems you can't call attention to biphobia without eliciting some biphobic response. ‪

Comments

[sfred]

This matches my experience. :-/

[magister]

It does seem to be one of those things which people take as an affront and feel that they're entitled to a right of reply.

[cosmolinguist]

What really gets me is the people who don't even think they're doing it. The people shouting "breeders!" at Pride banners that said "Biphobia kills" yesterday were just assholes, yes.

But a lot of times if you question especially bi invisibility, the responses you're likely to get are even more biphobic as the original erasure: we didn't include bisexuals because they're gay when they're in gay relationships and straight the rest of the time, or because they're the grey area in the rainbow flag, or because nobody knows what they want, or the million other things I've heard that are even worse sometimes than not hearing anything about bisexuality.

Yet these kinds of responses, mostly from "LGBT" circles, are from people who probably don't think they're biphobic at all. They don't have enough of a handle on what biphobia entails to even recognize it. So I think one reason that talking about biphobia makes more biphobia happen is that any time most people are given reason to think about bisexuals, they're probably going to say something wrong or cruel or at least irritating.

[haggis]

http://bisexualresearch.wordpress.com/2014/06/29/the-invisible-stereotypes-of-bisexual-men/

Have you seen this research? On one hand, the results are not unexpected and I disagree that invisibility and discrimination are paradoxical - it seems logical that we have the nastiest stereotypes of groups we know a little, compared to groups we have no experience of and groups we know well.

It is depressing because it seems to suggest that bisexual stereotypes evolve directly out of common ideas about gender and sexuality, rather than being spread from person to person. I imagine that would make it more difficult to combat the stereotypes. You can argue all you like that being dumped by a bisexual person doesn't make all bisexuals bad partners but it sounds like those stories are post-hoc rationalisations - bisexuals are bad because they are weird and this example of bad behaviour is just the proof.

On the other hand, the research does show that people who are educated about bisexuals stereotypes are less likely to hold them so education and visibility do help.

I am also hopeful that the recent spate of dreadful statistics about bisexual health will start to chip away at the idea that bisexuals face less stigma, especially in organisations that *want* to help but do not know how.

Unfortunately, that puts us activists on the front lines for hearing the stupid, hateful, cruel kneejerk responses but at least we know why they are wrong and can reject them.

[magister]

I suspect that an element of this is that pretty much every gay or lesbian person will at some time have faced some form of persecution. There'll be some thought somewhere about if you're bisexual, then you can pass as straght and only show yourself as bi when you feel safe. It's probably what I'd be thinking.

From within my head, my sexuality is the simplest thing in the world - I fancy other people depending on a variety of factors, physical gender not being one of them.

However, people find other people's sexuality mystifying and many people are made uncomfortable by what they don't understand. Fucked if I know what to do about it.

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah. I always thought it's baffling that (mostly gay/lesbian) people say "it's so much easier to be bi" while giving bi people loads of shit that they wouldn't to anyone else. At least LG people don't have to convince everyone that prejudice against them is a real thing, every time they want to talk about it. And they certainly don't seem interested in giving me much of a place where I can feel safe being bi. And it actually makes me really unsettled and sad when people assume I'm straight, so for all the privilege it can bring passing as straight is hardly an unalloyed good thing.

[magister]

Agreed. Worst abuse I've had for being bi has come from gay men. Straight people tend to class out gay and out bi people togwther, simply as "different". The number of times at LGBT conferences and the like that I've been told "Well, I couldn't have a relationship with you, I wouldn't know where you'd been."

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah, I've heard similarly disappointing things. The only silver lining to them is of course the certainty that I couldn't have a relationship with them, because they're a presumptuous bigot.

I did once have a relationship with a woman where the fact that I also slept with men was part of the reason I think we were doomed. I hadn't realized it could really be a problem before that, but I've been more wary of it since then.

[magister]

Again, that's something I don't understand - if you have a problem with the fact that your partner sleeps with other people, I can understand that. If it's that they sleep with a particular person - again, I can understand that. If it's that they sleep with members of a particular gender - no, that I don't understand.

And I've had a certain number of conversations which ran:

Him: Of course, I couldn't have a relationship with you - I wouldn't know where you'd been.

Me: No, you couldn't have a relationship with me because I don't fancy you.

Him: There's no need to be personal. That's just offensive.

Me: Exit stage left, shaking my head in perplexity.

[cosmolinguist]

No need to be personal! Ye gods. Yeah, the capacity for cognitive dissonance in biphobes is impressive, I've always found.

And if not fancying somebody is rude, I know all the offensive people. :)

[magister]

Oh, absolutely. When they say it, it's just saying things how they are. When someone else does it, that's rude. I don't get it. I can't say I really regret the fact.

[ozgirlabroad.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha, oh yes.