imp of the perverse

[cosmolinguist]

I spent all yesterday afternoon wanting to shave my head, but realized I shouldn't make any important life decisions while I have a migraine.

I think it seemed like a good idea when I had a migraine because like how it feels (and how I feel is all I care about in the haze of pain and nausea), but I'm not sure I like how it looks (which is about as important to me when I have a migraine as which Beach Boys songs Andrew is putting on a CD for his brother).

It disappoints me that (the rest of the time) I'm still more vain than I think I am, certainly more than is good for me.

Comments

[sfred]

I think wanting to look how you want to look is fine. I too like how shaved-all-over feels but not how it looks on me.

[cosmolinguist]

I'm kinda glad it's not just me who has this look/feel disparity. :) But my problem is that I don't think I look how I want to look now either -- my hair is a combination of things that seemed like a good idea at the time: parts of it are still dyed, parts are very short, parts have just been left alone for a while -- and I don't really know what I want or how to go about getting it. So the other appeal shaving my head has for me is it's a kind of reset button and means I won't have to spend any energy angsting about my hair for a while, cos after that there's nothing I can do about it. :)

[rmc28]

I last cut my hair v short for LibDem conference last September (I think it was 9mm then). It is now at the shaggy hanging-in-eyes length and REALLY ANNOYING and just shoving it back in a headband reveals apparently-receding hairline (which whut? AM NOT YET FORTY). However, I can do a cunning things with the headband which mostly suits me and keeps it out of my eyes.

I think un another month or two it will either tuck behind ears or be possible to tie back, at which point I may dye it again. (heh, tie-dye)

I don't think it was the most flattering cut for me, but it was so lovely and practical and easy to manage. I miss those parts.

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah, I feel like my hair is just a source of anxiety (both because I don't like how it looks and I don't like it hanging in my eyes!) and self-directed bad thoughts at the moment, and I have more than enough of those! So if I can get this one to transform into something easy to manage, that seems like a good idea. :)

[quirkytizzy]

Vanity's not a bad thing. It's only negative when it keeps you from being a nice person, either to yourself or to others. Vanity's actually kinda healthy - it means you're invested in your presentation to the world and interested in hygiene.

Though major decisions on migraines is usually best left alone, lol. Isn't it funny how pain and weird brain stuff makes us think strange things??? I once wanted to dig up one of my cats who'd been buried during a migraine. Just to see what she looked like. Glad I didn't, lol.

[cosmolinguist]

I'm fine at hygiene but beyond that have a lot invested in not having a lot invested in my appearance. I grew up thinking I was ugly and ended up believing that the only way not to let that have power or control over me was to not care about my appearance. My mom bought me clothes I hated and taught me to be ashamed of how fat I was, as indeed she is ashamed of herself. I never bothered to learn how to use makeup, I didn't often wear jewelry. I just put my hair up in a ponytail all the time. I prided myself on not caring about "that girly stuff" because I was also taught that things girls liked and cared about were worth less than things boys liked.

As I've gotten older I've tried to figure out how I'd like to look, without all that baggage, and it's really hard. I'm a size now that means my standard for clothes is "does this fit me and do I feel (physically) comfortable wearing it"; what it looks like beyond that is a luxury I don't usually feel I can afford. And I still never wear make-up, I stopped shaving because I realized the only person in my life who ever cared about it is my mom...and I don't know what to do with my hair. So I figure I'm doing the best when I think about these things the least, and the really-short-hair-I-don't-need-to-do-anything-with seems awfully tempting.

[quirkytizzy]

I can understand how navigating what used to be a dearly held belief (that only THOSE girls care about fashion, and I'm not one of THOSE girls, for various reasons) could be hard to work through. And there is a middle ground, like you seem to have. And yeah - I can see not wanting to shave if no one cares about it. Shaving is time consuming. Totes get that!

I've found a lot of women who don't put much thought into their appearance are that way for much the reasons you said you felt when you were younger - they don't feel attractive enough to try. And it's hard getting the outside to match the inside even when a person DOES start feeling better about themselves.

And I hear you about size. I'm currently 150 pounds (5'1) and I've noticed as a bigger gal, I'm way less invested in fashion. Maybe it's self-defeating, but I totally get that.

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah, and it's not even just hard internally, to get over my own hang-ups. It's also hard pragmatically, like "what the hell do I even do now?" Okay so if I've decided I'd be happier with different clothes/hair/whatever, how do I actually go about getting that? There's a set of skills there, which is underappreciated because it's considered both juvenile and feminine, because most girls (and everyone these days, but especially girls) acquire these skills as teenagers. And I didn't do that then, and don't know how to approach it now. Plus I've changed so much from the insecure teenager I was, and I'm pondering how much of an effect it has now that I know I'm queer, or that I'm married (obviously I'm not monogamous, but I am as uninterested in attracting new partners as I would be if I were a "normal" married person).

I cut my own hair for years (which was partly a choice and partly because I really couldn't afford to spend anything on it). If it's not going to be super-short, I can't do that any more, but having basically gone straight from "being dragged along to her hairdresser's by my mom" to "getting the clippers out", I don't know what else to do: where to go or what to ask for now. I've had a couple of proper haircuts recently but the hairdressers seem unsatisfied with how vague I am when they ask me what I want doing with my hair, and I find it really stressful and haven't been much happier with the results than I was with the DIY haircuts.

I have no good answers, and this is why I think the best thing is not to care about my hair too much, which is why I was disappointed in the intensity of my opinion now!

[matgb]

where to go or what to ask for now

No idea if they're still good, but the hairdressers in the bottom entrance tunnel at Affleck's were always good when I was living there, and I suspect they'd be the sort of place with people that'd be happy to, well, have a play and not judge too much, instead of those annoying salons where they expect everyone to have read every fashion mag going.