Who you callin' miss?

[cosmolinguist]

Yesterday we got our first piece of mail to the new house! It's from the solicitor, and when I saw it I did remember her saying something about sending us the final details of everything.

But before I put it down I noticed they're still calling me "Miss." Despite having been corrected on this immediately (and, since it was Andrew doing it, somewhat forcefully). I hadn't noticed since then, it doesn't really matter, but it did disappoint and frustrate me enough that I was surprised by the strength of my reaction.

And it isn't just the usual frustration that I have when people spell my name "Hollie": the can't-be-bothered-to-pay-attention kind. It's that and how stupid titles are in the first place (I'd prefer none, really, but don't put enough time or energy into enforcing this) and how much more stupid it is that mine is supposed to indicate my marital status.

But also, I was surprisingly annoyed at "Miss," because it of course implies that I'm not married, and I didn't like that at all. I guess since I went to such a lot of effort and expense and heartache to get married, I want it acknowledged!

I think this is one of the implications of not changing my name that I don't usually think about. Though if I had changed my name I'd be "Mrs." all the time instead, of course, which is just as stupid and unfair a title but at least wouldn't be inaccurate.

Comments

[sfred]

I sympathise.

I did change my name and use 'Mrs' when I was married. I tried not to use a title at all, but when there was no choice I used 'Mrs'.
Now I've changed my name back (six years ago, although the most recent row with an official about it was the week before last) - and it's surprisingly difficult to get some people to drop the 'Mrs', even when they've accepted the name change. Which is just weird, I think.

[cosmolinguist]

That is weird! How frustrating.

[rmc28]

Rebecca Taylor wrote about titles and translation recently:

http://rebeccataylormep.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/outdated-outmoded-and-increasingly.html

[cosmolinguist]

It's as if they think a woman who keeps her own name isn't properly married or something

Well quite. And this is what gets to me. I'm so sensitive to all the ways I feel "not properly" something (British, American, gay, straight, disabled, able-bodied, etc.etc.) that it's frustrating to feel like I haven't even gotten married "properly."

I was surprised to read that half of women keep their own name upon marrying; I feel like I'm in a much smaller minority than that.

A friend who did not change her name when she married was very annoyed to receive a cheque payable to a person who doesn't exist (my friend's first name with her husband's surname).

I've had this too, mostly for wedding presents! Luckily my bank was in such a small town that everyone knew I was marrying this English guy and I had no problem depositing the checks.

I did hear recently about the French basically doing away with "Mademoiselle," and I think that's a marvelous idea which I hope soon makes its way to the anglophone world.

[uglybuffy.livejournal.com]

The only one who calls me Miss is the bank. I have gone by Ms since I was about 14. I have always hated Miss as it makes me sound young! And I'm not a miss. I think of myself as Ms Sarah Mac Fhearadhaigh Blemings, but am too lazy to change it by deed poll. I find it weird when I have to sign for a parcel for "Mrs Blemings" and immediately have to make up a signature.

[cosmolinguist]

I just scribble when I sign for parcels. :) Usually they're for Andrew anyway.

I never minded Miss (any more than I would anything; see above re stupidness of titles) but when I got married I was not being Mrs. Matthies cos that's my mom's name! I'd seriously look around for her whenever anybody used it; I never think they are talking to me. I felt too young to be a "Mrs" when I got married. Maybe just too immature. ;)