cosmolinguist | I can't eat a celebratory chocolate biscuit if I'm *melting* at this now can I

I had a long day, full of meetings and people talking too much. The last was a focus group that went on too long because of one person talking too much and not following the very specifically stated brief: I said we're here to give recommendations to decision-makers and service providers, and this guy did what he always does which is "here's how I get around that by being Resilient and taking individual responsibility for this systemic problem!" Cool story, bro.

After a day like that, with an ending like that, it was very sweet to get a message from my favorite person on my favorite team (mine). Our manager has asked her to work with me on the latest report, so this morning I asked if we could arrange a meeting and it'll be tomorrow morning. So at the very end of the day today, she sends me this:

Hi, this is just a message to tell you that I have reread [the last report, 2 of 3]. I now have an overwhelming urge to tell you that you are such a smart cookie. The report is brilliant and incredibly comprehensive. I'm quite intimidated in supporting you with [report 3 of 3]. Anyway this is me belatedly telling you that you are an awesome [our job title] and maybe you could eat a celebratory chocolate biscuit and pat yourself on the back.

A few sentences like that go a long way!

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From:

angelofthenorth

Awww that's fabulous

barakta

How nice of colleague!

Argh to focus group fuckwit... Who was chairing that? I wish more groups utilised mute and firmness tbh! But I'm getting mean in my old age.

cosmolinguist

I was charing it. I did use a lot of firmness but he just ignored it. It was a small group so hard to stop him from butting in again, because the other 2-3 people there were more polite and better behaved.

Edited (Autocorrect changed a word to be incorrect ) Date: 2025-10-09 10:46 pm (UTC)

Arg nightmare and there is a limit to how RUDE you can be in a work context... So stressful for you. I hope you can avoid inviting him again!

I did so much re-directing. He'd say "top tip, the blind person just needs to ask staff to do X" and then I'd say great, since we're developing recommendations for the entities that employ those staff, we can include that their training should include X, so it happens every time as a matter of course and doesn't put the onus on the blind person all the time to remember." He would then say "Or, the blind person can just ask!" He was just relentless. We had like four or five versions of exactly this same pattern playing out in about 45 minutes.

*screams* how did you not spork him to DETH.

If this was online, the host mode in my fantasy focus online group needs a "zap wanker" mode where you can hit a button that looks like fuckwit is having a technical glitch and kicks them out...

I bet he didn't even understand that as an I'm Guessing, white man, he may get different (sometimes better) treatment than a younger, more female presenting or less white looking person...

Sporks sporks sporks. So not your fault, but that bore is such a cliche and I think there's a particular blind variant where they can't see the looks and will ignore the audio cues. My ex colleague Patrick used to stand and bore meetings for hours even when managers would actively talk over him and say "please stop talking now" and they'd tried privately explaining that he was getting bad looks and needed to STFU but he didn't wanna and he was so past embarrassment that he was immune to it.

And it just gives blind men a bad fucking name. and blindness is no sodding excuse. One of the most perceptive people I know is blind, she's super sensitive to room cues... The vibe of the room AND she checks in with people "did I read that right?" and and and...

Poor you and everyone else.

suzannareads

Well done!

otter

You ARE such a smart cookie :)

Unfortunately, online meetings don't allow one to kick people under the table to get them to SHUT UP. Geez.

silveradept

It is always gratifying when your coworkers take time out to tell you that you're doing a fantastic job.

The person in the group seems to have misread the brief that it is not about Personal Resilience and Defeating Barriers, but instead about moving the barriers so that nobody has to deal with them in the first place. Get a clue, man, it's not actually about you.