cosmolinguist | [365/365] end of year meme

The questions here sometimes feel random and sometimes aren't very relevant to me (how many one-night stands, bless; that feels like such a fossil of the height-of-LJ days when I first encountered this meme), but I do like it as a way to think a bit differently than I normally do about my life, and some things that had a big impact on me (like what a dog-hospital year it was for Gary) barely show up here. I do find myself at random points through the year noting things I do that I haven't done before, or wondering what my musical discovery might be, or whatever.

So here we go for 2023.

1. What did you do in 2023 that you'd never done before?:
Was on live national TV. Added testosterone to my body. Broke my ankle. Had an operation.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?:
At the end of 2021, I said about 2022: "if I'm not divorced and on hormones I'm going to be extremely disappointed in myself."

At the end of 2022, I said: "The latter will have to be carried forward until next year at least."

So yeah: I have a diagnosis of gender incongruity and I have pro-boy-otic gel!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?:
At least two DW friends!

4. Did anyone close to you die?:
No.

5. What countries did you visit?:
The U.S.! I went to Minnesota twice.

6. What would you like to have in 2024 that you lacked in 2023?:
More socializing. Some people between "the awesome people I live with" and "the awesome people I know online." With a couple of notable exceptions (at least one of which might be reading this and thanks for coming over on Wednesday!), there is nothing in between those levels. I am much too extroverted for this.

7. What date from 2023 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?:
My two trips to Minnesota, in April and September. Breaking my ankle and being in the hospital is just going to add another layer to my November misery isn't it. Gary's two dog-hospital visits, in July and end-of-October.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?:
Riding the wave of work being really busy and really demanding.

9. What was your biggest failure?:
Not making/keeping up with friendships.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?:
...nah.

hahahahahahaha

11. What was the best thing you bought?:
The plane tickets and nice hotel and decent seats at Target Field and beer and souvenirs and all that stuff from that trip.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?:
In no particular order...

Everybody who wore a mask or cared about ventilation in public spaces.
Me for being a badass motherfucker at work
diffrentcolours for coping with a huge amount of soul-sucking job searching, many unfair or unsatisfying results along the way, and persisting to getting a job that seems good for him
mother_bones for keeping the house running and really stepping up with the Gary-wrangling when I broke my ankle.
Gary for being a good boy among many many challenges.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?:
Rich white men.

14. Where did most of your money go?:
Beyond rent and boring stuff: the two Minnesota trips and vet bills that weren't covered by insurance.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?:
Minneapolis with D: the Twins game, the plans to meet friends, showing him the skyway which he was so excited about.

16. What song will always remind you of 2023?:
This is hard to tell. For example, I heard "Calm Down" in Tesco yesterday and that definitely made me think about Earlier this year, but a song that will remind me of the whole year feels like a lot.

Maybe "We Can Be Anything" by Baby Queen since I'm going to quote it later? Maybe "Lipstick Lover" because The Age of Pleasure was such a big thing for me this year. Maybe "About Damn Time" by Lizzo because the line "I'm not the girl I was or used to be, bitch I might be better!" has taken on new delightful connotations (I found myself singing along with the radio one morning and got to this line just as I was slathering my testosterone on my skin, which made me cackle).

17. Compared to this time last year, are you i. happier or sadder? happier? ii. richer or poorer? slightly poorer because of the vet bills and the Minnesota trips

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?:
Going to the gym. Seeing friends. Sex. Getting on public transport. Eating and drinking in public buildings. Vacations.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?:
Procrastinating.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?:
Quietly at home, just the four of us (counting Gary of course)

21. Did you fall in love in 2023?:
Nah, just stayed there.

22. How many one night stands?:
I've only had one one-night stand and I was still in my 20s then! They're not very compatible with an ongoing global pandemic!

23. What was your favourite TV programme?:
I liked both Strange New Worlds and Lower Decks, which is odd for me because I don't really like Star Trek any more! I enjoyed Our Flag Means Death but feel like I just skimmed the surface of it because there's no audio description. And Ghosts was so fun, wrapped up so satisfyingly with their Christmas special.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?:
I'm pretty unimpressed with someone I thought more highly of until recently, but I wouldn't say "hate" is the word for it.

25. What was the best book you read?:
I've read very little this year: my library history (which is how I've been keeping track of this in recent years) is a sad litany of deferred holds -- for books I want to have read but always feel like I'm too drained to read right now -- and books that had to be returned before I'd finished them, something that never used to happen.

And it only goes back to like August all of a sudden, so maybe I should get better at noting what I'm reading, like a lot of people do here on DW.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?:
My online friend started DJing and I love their sets so much! Literally bought the t-shirt.

27. What did you want and get?:
Testosterone gel!

28. What did you want and not get?
More socializing/hobbies.

29. What was your favourite film this year?:
I probalby loved Barbie and The Meg 2 equally, is that bad? Heh.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?:
I was 42. That was also quietly at home, since we were supposed to be with D's family that day and at the last minute weren't because of covid and its mismanagement.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?:
A proper response to covid: mask mandates and even more importantly ventilation standards that are rigorous, enforced, and publicized (I'd love a system like the hygeine rating for restaurants).

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2023?:
"Filling in the gaps."

A thing I said in October was "Does 'casual dress code' for this work thing mean I can turn up in a hoodie and corduroys? From this, I learned I needed some work-appropriate sweaters! (I now have a couple.) I have had the same issue with work trousers -- I got two pairs of few pairs of chinos just in time fo the conference I went to in Bournemouth this summer -- and a winter coat, but I haven't gone anywhere this winter (thanks broken ankle!) and also it hasn't been that cold (thanks climate change!).

The thing about being a stereotypical pandemic tran is that I am only slowly and haphazardly masculinizing my wardrobe -- especially because I hate shopping and also for most of that time haven't had any money. But I'm getting there!

33. What kept you sane?:
Nothing. I’m not. But this year I did finally find a mental-health med that seems to be worth taking. It does seem -- or seemed at first, at least -- to help me sleep, which helps so much with all of the other problems my brain has.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?:
I'm pretty bad at fancying people I don't know. It does happen but it's rare; no one is springing to mind now.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?:
Because it took over my job for months: the proposed (and for-now defeated, ha!) plans to close ticket offices at most train stations in England.

36. Who did you miss?:
Everyone. I didn't see enough of anyone except the people I live with.

37. Who was the best new person you met?:
otter, for not just being cool to hang out with by St. Anthony Falls but who also drove all the way to my parents' house to get me to the airport, thus rescuing me from my parents and saving me one of the most stressful things about my trips home which is witnessing how much my mom hates me leaving.

Honorable mention also goes to the other friends I finally got to meet in person in Minneapolis: Brit, Erik, Pine and Stel. And Izzy, Stel's Great Dane.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2023:
This is such a good question. I can't even think of a valuable life lesson I particularly used this year, beyond what I wrote last year ("use your words" and "just keep swimming").

39. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?:
I don't do that many phone calls really, but my parents on Skype.

40. Quote a song that sums up your year:
I said, "Hey, don't be so defeatist"
She said, "Well, don't be so naïve
It's been proven space is exponential
So this is all inconsequential"
I said, "If it's inconsequential
Then there's infinite potential"

(it's from "We Can Be Anything" by Baby Queen)

41. What was your favorite moment of the year?:
Possibly the Twins winning that game at the last minute, getting to celebrate it (after the "...what? what just happened? why is the game over?" reactions) with friends, leaving the stadium as part of jubilant and calm crowds, and being a short walk from our hotel, with another fun day in Minneapolis to look forward to the next day.

42. What was your least favorite moment of the year?:
The day where I was convinced Gary was going to die.

43. Where were you when 2023 started?:
At home.

44. Who were you with?:
I was presumably either drinking with diffrentcolours, or already in bed. I honestly do not remember.

45. Where will you be when 2023 ends?:
Home.

46. Who will you be with when 2023 ends?:
Probably Gary. Possibly D too!

47. What was your favourite month of 2023?:
April; it was so amazing to have a fun time in Minneapolis with D, see the Twins win, and introduce him to my parents and where I grew up.

48. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2023?:
I've drunk so much less in lockdown (which for me has never meaningfully ended). The booze is taking over our kitchen storage space, we keep being given stuff and we just don't go through it that quickly!

49. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2023?:
Only medicinal ones.

50. What are your plans for 2024?
I have no idea.

I had a huge list last year -- "Get my finances in order now that I have something deserving of the name! Hopefully sort out some amount of medical transition. Hopefully see my family! And show diffrentcolours around Minnesota" -- and, okay, the finances could be more sorted out but they're okay and I have a plan. And, otherwise, all these things happened! Wow.

Work is looking incredibly demanding and I'm not at all sure how I can pull off all the things that I'll be involved in if people's big plans go to plan. But then, I could've said that about this year...and that was without even knowing the ticket-office stuff was going to happen!

I think the tl;dr version of this year is that I did surprisingly well at the seemingly-impossible goals I set myself at the end of last year, getting testosterone is a big win, and my big L is still the lack of friendships and socializing. That feels like an impossible problem to fix, but then just this year I managed to start medical transition, show diffrentcolours around Minnesota, and see my parents twice incluidng to help them move, all of which felt impossible a year ago.