[280/365] sleep, or the lack thereof

[cosmolinguist]

Awful day. Once, to explain my sleep-maintenence insomnia, I told diffrentcolours that I only get one go-to-sleep token a night. I don't have huge trouble falling asleep at bedtime, it's not that kind of insomnia, it's that if I wake up at three or four in the morning or whatever, no matter how tired I am I struggle to get back to sleep.

Last night I fell asleep after putting my podcast on to play for half an hour, like usual...and Gary woke me up while it still had ten minutes to play. He needed to go out for a wee, and I never begrudge him that, but it was just after 1am by that point and then I just didn't fall asleep again until about...7am I think.

My alarm went off at half past nine for a meeting I didn't want to go to. And where practically nothing happened. Then I had about an hour of trying to make myself eat something and not fall asleep before a meeting I did want to go to this afternoon but which was much longer. It turned out not to be, for me at least, thanks to a combination of a relatively short agenda and Zoom kicking me out (for the third goddam time!) at a point just near enough to the end that I felt a little guilty about not being able to summon the will to try to rejoin, but not so guilty that I didn't go for a nap instead.

My sleep was just as bitty though, I kept waking up every half an hour or less, I had weird dreams, my sense of time was all messed up -- I thought I'd been upstairs much longer than I had been -- but it helped just enough that I was able to go downstairs in time for dinner and make it (borgers! and sweet potato wedges), walk the dog a couple times... It was a tough day for all of us in our different ways, so I'm glad I was able to make food happen.

Food helped me feel better but I must have still looked terrible though; on the dog walk after dinner diffrentcolours just said out of nowhere "You can go to bed after this." I appreciated the reminder, normally I love an early night, but not only was I not actually feeling tired and I've reached the stage of insomnia where I hate my bed because I've spent so many miserable hours there lately. [I know staying in bed when you can't sleep is usually advised against for insomniacs. I have my reasons and I don't want advice about dealing with it.]

I have to go to work early tomorrow, and that always means I have to help L do something unusual and difficult, so I really have to sleep tonight.

Comments

[haggis]

That sounds absolutely miserable 😞. I hope that you can catch up a little tonight.

[cosmolinguist]

Me too. And at least after tomorrow it's the weekend, which doesn't have any particular plans in it.

[haggis]

Want to come swimming with a super cute baby? And by swimming, I mostly mean splashing about and probably for about half a hour max but the baby is def cute.

[cosmolinguist]

I'd love to, but I don't have the risk-budget for it. Thanks so much for asking though.

[barakta]

Bad sleep is the worst, I'm sorry you have so much of it, making anything else much harder to deal with.

I hope you sleep tonight, tomorrow's work goes well and you get to a chillful weekend soon.

[otter]

Sleep issues are so hard. *hugs*

[ljwrites]

Looks like it was both our days for getting kicked off Zoom calls--I had a long meeting and there were a few outages, the first in the middle of my presentation. It ended okay, though.

I hope your sleep issues can be resolved at some point, and that you have a restful weekend in the meanwhile to make up for all the lost sleep <3

[cosmolinguist]

I slept for like nine hours last night and have done practically nothing today, so I guess that's good!

[ljwrites]

That's how to spend a weekend! I got up from a solid 11 hours of sleep too, feels good.

[azurelunatic]

Good luck with sleep.

[lilysea]

Much empathy and solidarity

while I think my insomnia is less-bad than yours

I struggle with falling asleep

and with staying asleep

and it sucks

And "one falling-asleep token per night" is a good way of describing it...

[momentsmusicaux]

> I only get one go-to-sleep token a night

That is such a good way of putting it, and that is pretty much what I have too!

I fall asleep really quickly (my partner used to envy how I'd apparently put my head down and be asleep in seconds), but if I'm woken up, I find it really hard to get back to sleep.

[cosmolinguist]

My partner has that "fall asleep immediately thing" too and both his partners, sometimes kinda hate him for it. :) We both struggle with insomnia.

But unlike you, he seems to usually have limitless go-to-sleep tokens, which sounds great but he does struggle to get up in the mornings. :)

[sfred]

*sympathy*

[silveradept]

Oof. Good sleep to you, if not now, then very soon.