[18/365] neuroatypicality

[cosmolinguist]

So the couple I work for (both autistic/ADHD) have moved on from prefacing things they say with "I know you think you're neurotypical, but..." and now they just side-eye stuff I say and go "Holly. You. Are. Not. Neurotypical."

It's so funny and cute.

(I don't actually think I'm neurotypical, I've been agnostic on the subject for some years. I think various traits of being blind and being an immigrant overlap with neuroatypicality. I think having had to provide two people's worth of executive function was definitely too much for me. But I've never argued with them that I really am neurotypical or anything like that, it's just funnier phrased that way.)

Comments

[otter]

it is funny to me. :)

[cosmolinguist]

I'm glad. :)

[sfred]

<3 Agnosticism on these matters is a v legitimate position.

[cosmolinguist]

Yeah I just feel like I'm not at a point where having a firm position or putting work into pursuing diagnosis would do me any good, it wouldn't make anything easier or more beneficial to me, so I'm fine being in this unobserved quantum state. :) I'm glad that my employers are comfortable around me and don't find me difficult in some of the ways they find most neurotypical people to be, and same goes for my partners/friends/acquaintances for whom that's true, when it is. And that's enough for me, that's the important thing.

[sfred]

*nods*

[barakta]

I have several autistic friends who have asked me "Are you sure you're not autistic? Usually meant as a compliment.

I personally don't think I am autistic and definitely don't have ADHD. I share some of the wider traits certainly, but how much of that is deafness (like the blindness thing for you) and how much is just autisticy/SpLDy family members I don't know - cos being neurodiverse is not unusual in my family. We suspect my dad is autistic and mum is dyslexic/?dyspraxic.

I'm all for self-ID on neurodiversity, and a bit like my gender correlating fairly highly with genderqueer/nonbinary friends' experiences, I don't feel even the slightest desire to "identify" (does one get a choice of identity?) or perhaps a better word is "describe" myself as autistic/ADHD, internally or externally.

I might fit under a looser umbrella of neurodiverse but even then... In many ways that feels very personally to me, to be appropriative cos I don't think my experience entirely correlates. It's similar but I think I've grown to like neurodiverse/"different" people as friends because you all have values about stuff I care about and don't expect me to care about East Enders or Celebrity Millonaire or whatever the fuck...

Buuuut... I know at least 2 other deaf (from birth) friends who dismissed autism/ADHD as "just deafness stuff" who later got either a formal diagnosis or a "your kid is autistic and you're almost certainly autistic" type statement from a decent professional which then made them reassess and agree or get their own dx (or try to).

I like the term agnostic on such things, so many factors and they don't really matter unless we need them to matter and a lot of that we can change in our lives by social modelling our own environment.

FWIW one of my suspected autistic friends describes themselves as providing the entire (probably autistic) family's worth of executive function but doesn't think that makes them good at it, just "socialised as female" and less shit than the other adult in that regard, sometimes, sort of, maybe... I would also say that knowing what I do of Andrew, I'm not sure even I with good executive function could have executed it enough in the kindest and not "anti Andrew" kinda way.

[cosmolinguist]

a bit like my gender correlating fairly highly with genderqueer/nonbinary friends' experiences, I don't feel even the slightest desire to "identify"..."describe" myself as autistic/ADHD, internally or externally.

Yeah, same for me. I'm not saying it's wrong, it just doesn't seem important for me to align myself any more specifically.

I think I have more ADHD qualities than autism. I have been known to joke that it's contagious and I've caught it from my partners/work/etc. But, like you say, when I'm being more serious I don't want to be appropriative, I don't think "everyone's a little autistic" is any better than "everyone's a little bisexual really."

Buuuut... I know at least 2 other deaf (from birth) friends...

Yeah apparently it's really difficult to diagnose blind people as autistic because all their nervousness around new things, dislike of change, wanting things to stay where they're expected to be etc, can't read body language, is written off as just blind things, and I'm sure it's the same (with different details) for deaf people. It must be frustrating but as you say, at least we already know how to social-model the hell out of our lives.

[aldersprig]

For me, it was my autistic friends saying "Lyn, you're NOT autistic" combined with so many similarities that I had to start looking into it.

And what it turned out is that there's 1000 jokes about how ADHD and autism have a huge overlap in the Venn Diagram.

My prescriber still isn't sure, but on the other hand, since ADHD meds are also given to help cope with some of the symptoms of MS, so he works with me on those scripts.