Work til I'm sore

[cosmolinguist]

Usually I save my whinging for LJ (mostly), but today I woke up and blurted on Facebook

I went to bed with a headache, I woke up with a headache, I've not been on an even keel mentally for the last few weeks, and I can feel myself not reacting to things as well as I could. I'm trying to be patient with myself, but it's really really hard.

And something similar on Twitter.

Yeah, I'm tongue-tied and dizzy
and i can't keep it to myself

It's been a day full of little useful accomplishments, but it's also left me even more tired, with bits of me other than my head now hurting as well (though the damn headache won't stop, at least it's lessened a bit), and I'm dong my best not to dread going out tonight. People have been heartwarmingly kind to me on Twitter (and, Andrew said, since Colin Baker soon said something very similarly kind to one of those people, he thought it was as if I was being comforted by the Doctor!).

My extended family is tearing itself apart. There's never enough money. I'm crazier recently than I have been lately. It's easy to think the world is full of injustice, selfishness and stupidity. Work is a fraught subject lately, in all kinds of ways.

I'd rather be
a functioning cog in some great machinery
serving something beyond me.

But I don't I don't know what that will be.

I had to try not to dread going out tonight. I joke -- though it's too true to be funny -- that gigs make me ill; us buying tickets for something, especially in advance and especially if it's expensive, is a guarantee that I will feel ill. I've left halfway through with food poisoning. I once had a panic attack that kept us from being in the right city for the gig. I seem willing to go to impressive lengths to make this hold true. Today isn't so bad, but man, all I want is a nap. Not sore feet reminding me all my shoes are bad for me. Not a phone call from my mom with the latest of the Law & Order episode my family's turning into.

And not a Fleet Foxes gig either.

Or so I thought until i started listening to their music today.

If I know only one thing
it is that everything I see
of the world outside is full of such wonder
that often, I barely can speak

I've loved them longer than I even knew who they were. "White Winter Hymnal" stopped me in my tracks, getting ready for work one day, when I heard it on the radio. I heard it a lot more before I was able to learn about the new band whose song this was. I got that first album and played it over and over; it still reminds me of working early, dark mornings that winter. The music was mellow and well-suited to this kind of thing, but also so bright, somehow; more than the sum of its parts. I eagerly awaited their second album and was captivated by the first song I heard from it, the title track, "Helplessness Blues."

What good is it to sing helplessness blues?
Why should I wait for anyone else?

Indeed. I've just gotta go put my shoes on and go out to make the world more awesome.

Comments

[complexicon.livejournal.com]

You are right, shoes on, go rock out. The world is decidedly less awesome when you are hidden away.

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