My favorite example of heteronormative people not thinking about their own sexuality was when I was -- as a co-presenter about bisexuality -- at a NHS staff training day. Another presenter asked gay people if they would raise their hands, and I think a couple did; he asked for the lesbians; he asked for the bis (and the four of us enthusiastically raised our hands); and then he asked the straight people to raise their hands. It was the most cautious, looking-around-nervously, nervous-giggling thing you ever saw. A few mumbled something about how weird this was. The (gay, I think) presenter pointed out to them how uncomfortable it feels to "come out" like this, even when they're a huge majority and asked them to remember that this is what it's like for sexual and gender minorities all the flipping time, because you're right -- coming out is not a one-time thing; you keep doing it all the time. (Or not, if you choose not to, but that has its own stresses!)
I was all "If that's meant to mean straight, well, hell no: minnesattva. PWNED!")
:D
And when you get someone who is married and not-straight, we will love you forever for not assuming. I hope it's worth the confusion and derision for the potential of the huge deal it is for bisexuals not to have our sexuality erased by whatever kind of relationship we happen to be in. (It's to the point where, at another seminar on lesbian & bi women's health, which I went to with a couple of other bi-activist friends, we were so excited that one of the speakers included "biphobia" in a list of health issues that we must have looked like the most pro-biphobia people in the room...but really it's just that it's amazing to have our specific issues recognized, to not have to heckle them into the conversation.)
But primarily, I have noticed that sexuality is like race: people who are in the minority instantly respond, people in the majority don't understand the question
And this is the heart of privilege: not having to think about this shit all the time.
Thus I always try to defer to people who do have strong opinions about stuff I don't, on the subject of groups I don't belong to; if I should/shouldn't say things a certain way, if I shouldn't make a particular kind of assumption, even if I don't entirely understand why, I don't need to understand why; it's enough for me to know that there's a whole lot of history and emotion behind something, which there's no need to dredge up just to convince me not to be a dickhead :)
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baggyeyes
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-09 10:19 am (UTC)I was all "If that's meant to mean straight, well, hell no: minnesattva. PWNED!")
:D
And when you get someone who is married and not-straight, we will love you forever for not assuming. I hope it's worth the confusion and derision for the potential of the huge deal it is for bisexuals not to have our sexuality erased by whatever kind of relationship we happen to be in. (It's to the point where, at another seminar on lesbian & bi women's health, which I went to with a couple of other bi-activist friends, we were so excited that one of the speakers included "biphobia" in a list of health issues that we must have looked like the most pro-biphobia people in the room...but really it's just that it's amazing to have our specific issues recognized, to not have to heckle them into the conversation.)
But primarily, I have noticed that sexuality is like race: people who are in the minority instantly respond, people in the majority don't understand the question
And this is the heart of privilege: not having to think about this shit all the time.
Thus I always try to defer to people who do have strong opinions about stuff I don't, on the subject of groups I don't belong to; if I should/shouldn't say things a certain way, if I shouldn't make a particular kind of assumption, even if I don't entirely understand why, I don't need to understand why; it's enough for me to know that there's a whole lot of history and emotion behind something, which there's no need to dredge up just to convince me not to be a dickhead :)