Sorrowful mysteries

My fellow co-chair of the staff LGBT+ network and I recorded a thing for Trans Awareness Month.

At last year's event, they came out and told us their new name! (I wasn't a co-chair yet so I wasn't involved.) There's nothing that dramatic this time.

But this time, as well as them updating us on what the last year has been like for them as a genderfluid person (apparently it's harder than being the only blindie in the village but easier than being the only goth), I talked about why gender is relevant at work.

And in the course of our conversation, a couple of points involved me explicitly saying I trans -- something I've so far been...not secretive about, but quiet about at work.

But I have good experiences to share. I feel like it's really important to do that for the sake of other trans people who are otherwise only hearing about "rainy TERF island." And if me saying "You might not think gender matters at work but you treat people differently in meetings and emails based on it, ask me how I know" and that gets anyone thinking about this who didn't before, I'd say that's worth it. (This message is not my favorite, because it should be possible for people who've never been perceived as women to believe anyone who ever has, but I feel like this is still the level we're at so, in the hope of meeting people where they're at...)

I hope it's well-received.

The funniest thing about it, though, was that when I told the others after work that my sinuses were bothering me, D, who'd been in the next room and overheard me, said "oh I thought you were just doing a particularly masc voice for your podcast!"

No artifice here! That voice is all the natural effect of my terrible sinuses.

Handily, in a call I had with my manager at the end of the work day, he suddenly said "are you sick? You sound weird" so I was like "yeah I'm super sick" even though I'm not, thus laying the groundwork for calling in sick tomorrow if I wake up to a world I don't want to make small talk about as the only USian in meetings....

In the big organization I work for there is one other USian that I know of; we don't work together but I know her slightly (as the co-chair of another network actually) and she's absolutely lovely. Right before I turned off my work phone for the day, I messaged her to check in and ended up giving her my personal number so we can cling to each other on WhatsApp if I can't face work tomorrow.

Just having to do pastoral care for my countrymen, normal things for a normal election.

2016 cured me of wanting to stay up to watch election results come in. The Trump one (as opposed to the Brexit one, sigh) was the occasion of my worst period of mental health outside of my brother dying, and the only exception to the fact that I can usually say my depression doesn't tend toward self-harm or suicidal thoughts. Considering this, I feel like I should have realized before the last fee days that making a bit more of a plan to look after myself in advance would have been a good idea, but I didn't. I'm just gonna have to grit my teeth, distract myself, and let my little wonderhouse family prop me up.

Did it have to be Bonfire Night too, goddammit, I feel like my head is exploding every time I hear fireworks going off. Which is every few seconds now that it's been dark for an hour.

But the night won't last forever.